


Scene One

by RRediKON



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Camboy Hongjoong, Dirty Talk, Dom Top Seonghwa, Exhibitionism, Fashion director Seonghwa, Horny Hongjoong, I don’t know who wrote this, Insecurity, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Phone Sex, Porn With Plot, Praise Kink, Second Lead Syndrome, Self-Doubt, Self-Worth Issues, Sex Toys, Sexting, Shameless Smut, Top Hongjoong but bottoms only for Seonghwa, WOOSANSANG BESTEST BOYS, Wooyoung BEST BOY, Wooyoung dirty boy but supportive af, a bit Woosan, a lot of dirty talk actually, a sprinkle of daddy kink, also famous model Hongjoong who has his special interests, bodyguard San, don’t look it’s not me, don’t question author’s mind she has sinned, everything is kinky and horny here, exactly that, god what am I supposed to tag this, heavy angst at some later parts, in which you fall for secondary roles by accident, online fuck?, supportive friends, there is as much plot as sex in this story actually, y’know phone sex? Dirty talking?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:40:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 60,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23334775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RRediKON/pseuds/RRediKON
Summary: Hongjoong would do anything to see what the big deal about Park Seonghwa’s dick is. Even if it was by wrecking himself for said man just, so he would lose it and fuck him.When he wanted something, he made sure he got it.However, Hongjoong never thought things would spiral downhill, from there. It was meant to be a fun game, it wasn't meant to get this messy. He didn't know what had he done... or how was he going to pull himself out of this after.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 237
Kudos: 779





	1. Chapter 1

**Scene One**

Hongjoong eyed the camera and smiled slyly, “I know y’all wanted a live today, but what can I do?” he talked playfully, currently in his hotel room and wrapped by his white fluffy bathrobe while lying on his bed.

“I have a ball to attend in an hour something, I can’t rush an orgasm for you.” He flipped on his back, dirty pink hair splayed around him as he smiled not so apologetically at the phone held up in his hand.

Comments flooded the stream, telling him to make it up for them later or urging him to dump the gathering and fuck for them instead. Well, he wished he could, but it was sort of not in his control.

Being a famous model and one of the main spotlights for their fashion brand, Aurora Borealis; he was obligated to attend these formal banquets and galas and whatever they wanted to name their gatherings. He honestly didn’t care.

He liked the attention though, despite it getting out of hands sometimes, which had him assign a bodyguard for these events, he still had to go either way. People just couldn’t hold their animalistic instincts when it came to him, not that he could blame them. Modeling for lingerie lines and BDSM accessories, had men and women drool over him. They chose these events to nail a fuck night with him and fellow models but that was close to impossible. He rarely exited one of these events with a company and most times his bodyguard had to escort him out when they pushed their luck so hard and crossed boundaries.

Aside from modeling for adult themes, he also had a fan-only page where now and then he had fun playing with himself for the crowd, no shaming kinks though; he thrived on the attention and praise. People pay a lot of money to see him cum on screen; he got both so what was the harm in it?

One would wonder how he managed his career with something as scandalous but somehow it gave a ridiculous rise in their sales, people would purchase whatever he used in his lives, his company found the benefits and decided to make use of it. Making him promote their collections most times, it worked somehow also made him a much more valuable model for them. He still heard moral talks occasionally from spiteful people but who cared? He lived his best life and that’s what mattered; they could go fuck themselves for all he cared.

“Okay, I have to go now lovelies, cross your fingers I find an interesting company today!” he knew he wouldn’t but hoped, either way, felt like dicking an ass though but he rarely found a suitable company in such places. No, he wasn’t a bottom, he never bottomed for anyone, people mistook him for a pliant tiny twink but he refused to allow the idea even. No one made him feel like they were worth submitting his body for them, no one made him lose that control he always had.

He closed the live stream and hopped off the bed, his outfit ironed and hung for him beside the mirror. He picked the black lace undershirt, trimmed enough to allow his pale milky skin to see through the loops and twists of the lines. The collar of the shirt snug to his neck and a white jacket on top was fit enough to show how slender his waist was, a beltless leather pants snug around his thick thighs in a beautiful way to end with patterned boots he designed himself in his free time. The silver in the patterns on the boots worked with the five studs in his ears, a chain hung down one of them along the column of his neck.

Rings and designer wristwatch were in place. His make up was already done as he eyed himself in the mirror, dark shadow and sharp liner faded to a shade of pink that matched the same dirty pink hue of his silver hair, highlighters and dark red tint on his propped lips.

He looked absolutely perfect and he loved it.

A knock on his door told him it was time to leave. He slid his phone in the pocket under his jacket before he stepped out. San, his bodyguard stood in front of him, looking nothing less than a model himself with the printed navy suit hugging his perfect body in all the right places including the thin waist every model would die for “Wooyoung would be all over you tonight.” Hongjoong smirked and gave him a shoulder pat. “He is all over me daily.” Hongjoong laughed and fell into steps beside his guard.

They had nothing like any formal relationship, Hongjoong liked everything loose and easy. San wasn’t difficult to get along with either so they were more friends than a business link.

Entering the spacious hall, it was already crowding with people, the amount of power; a weft of air could smell status displayed. It reeked money and expensive work. Yeah, he belonged there.

San kept him company until the doorstep before he left him to sit by the bar, making sure to keep an eye on him.

Hongjoong didn’t get two minutes before he got approached by random people which he greeted as formally, some he recognized from work others he knew as models, had seen their faces on billboards on his road to work and back.

Yunho, in particular, was his favorite, him and his best friend Mingi, boys were built to be models, if their tall frames towering over him didn’t say any less. Despite the fake pretentious nature of their industry, the boys were genuine and joyous to be around. He preferred to stick around them most of the time, especially when the night dragged out with speeches about the new fusion line between their brand and another foreign one, Star1117.

It wasn’t interesting until the face of the other brand stood tall on the podium, Hongjoong had to admit it’s been so long since he got fascinated by a man like the way this one made him.

The first thing he perceived, was the husky collected voice he spoke with, echoing through the speakers. Second, it was the way he stood confident and assertive, he exhibited status and authority.

The long speech allowed him time to take in the details, like how sharp his eyebrows were, his linered eyes and the dark shadow surrounding it as if they weren’t big enough on their own, his pointed nose, and the slicked-back midnight hair with couple random loose strands falling to give him just that dangerous vibe about him.

He was tall, the black matt suit showed his broad shoulders and how they escalated down to narrow waist and long legs, leather laced shoes. Wow, he was a Greek sculpture of some god or something. Hongjoong knew for sure the man had all his attention now for the rest of the event and he wanted him.

And when Hongjoong needed something or someone, he knew exactly how to get them.

“You are interested,” San said in amusement from where he sat beside him on the barstool, sipping on his drink lazily “Who wouldn’t.” Hongjoong didn’t lift his eyes off the man greeting the guests “Park Seonghwa,”

“I heard the introduction.” Hongjoong eyed him sideways “I know, just telling you he wouldn’t bottom for anyone even if you.” San snickered and Hongjoong worried on his lower lip, tasting the fruity flavor of his lipstick shade “I figured, which is why I hadn’t approached him yet.”

“He would top the heck of you.” San added and Hongjoong glared at him “What? Look at him, he emits dom energy, that’s if he fucks ass too,” San’s mouth had always been that dirty, he shouldn’t be surprised when he, himself, jerks off to a crowd.

“I’m actually considering it.” Hongjoong returned to worry on his lip, chewing softly, a nervous habit of his he figured “Should I be surprised? I want to, but who would resist Park Seonghwa, he has all heads turned his way.” San mused.

“He has mine too,” Hongjoong whispered dazedly and his eyes followed said man as he walked closer until he leaned against the bar on the other end. Maybe it was his chance “Wish me luck,”

Hongjoong hopped off the stool, drinking his champagne in one go before leaving the flute on the counter. “You serious?”

“Dead serious.” Hongjoong strode his way to the hot man. He stood one-step away before he leaned sideways on the bar. “Hey,” he whispered seductively.

Seonghwa turned to look at him and Hongjoong’s breath hitched at the intense stare. God, he didn’t expect him to be that intimidating up close, had he actually been intimidated before? His composure wavered a bit and he once more bit on his lower lip, it might have looked bashful or maybe shy. Those didn’t belong with him either but he kind of felt hot under the stare.

“Hi,” his eyes fluttered at the deep voice.

He unconsciously leaned his weight on the surface, “Mind if I joined you on a drink?” use your flirtatious aces come on Hongjoong, this should be a piece of cake. People beg for a night with you, this shouldn’t shake your exposure.

“Park Seonghwa.” Seonghwa extended his hand formally and Hongjoong took it in his, the size difference was almost funny, his own looked so small wrapped by Seonghwa’s cold hand. Hongjoong noticed the way Seonghwa raked his body from head to toe before meeting his eyes again.

“Kim Hongjoong.”

“I know,” Hongjoong wanted to face palm, of course, he knew.

“Oh, glad you do.” Hongjoong smiled playfully in return.

“Yes, your brand kind of had a billboard with your naked body displayed on their building last month.” He didn’t get flustered often for his work was focused on adultery themes. However, it was the way the man spoke with calm, his head flashed to the picture brandished where he was splayed on dark satin sheets and a matching material sliding off to expose the swell of his naked spine and just enough of the crack of his ass.

That was a compromising first impression, “Sexy, isn’t it?” Hongjoong winked.

“It’s meant to be, I guess,” Seonghwa replied coolly, totally ignoring his advances. “What would you drink?”

Hongjoong decided to shrug the offer, “This is a ball, how about a dance instead?”

Seonghwa took a glance around and surely, people were already paired up on the ground floor in the middle. “Sure.” Seonghwa offered his hand formally and Hongjoong gladly put his own atop it. Seonghwa tugged it as he led the way to the dance floor; Love by Lana Del Rey played in the background the first they stepped in.

Seonghwa seemed to take the lead when he laid a hand on Hongjoong’s waist. Hongjoong noticed how the hand was under the jacket instead of over it. He could literally feel the cold touch on his skin through the trims of his lace shirt. He tried to not shiver as Seonghwa held his other hand in his,  _ delicately _ .

Hongjoong snapped out of it and laid a small hand on Seonghwa’s chest. Height differences never made him feel this small before but it was more about the controlling hold Seonghwa had and the endless depths of his dark eyes staring solely into his. Hongjoong refused to be intimidated as he arched his back beautifully and pressed against Seonghwa’s body, too close for a formal event but whatever, Hongjoong was on another mission to seduce the man.

“You look so pretty up close,” Hongjoong playfully commented, his thumb rubbing circles on Seonghwa’s chest.

What he received was a mere ‘hum’ unphased by the comment. “I’m kinda enjoying this more than… I should…” Hongjoong breathed against his mouth, eyes trailing on it not as absently as he did subtly grind their hips together.

Seonghwa’s grip tightened on his waist, almost a painful pinch to it. Hongjoong held his breath as he looked back into Seonghwa’s eyes and they had a warning in them, dangerous and so fascinatingly  _ dark _ . “I can see you are,” Seonghwa whispered.

“You are really hot, you can’t blame me.” Hongjoong’s sly smile was so pretty and tempting.

Seonghwa’s gaze seemed to look around them before it returned to his, “Control yourself.” Hongjoong pouted at him childishly but it still didn’t work so he opted to just rest his forehead on his shoulder and let Seonghwa sway them.

Hongjoong sighed, taking his hand from Seonghwa’s to rest it on his chest. Seonghwa had no other choice but to place his other hand on his waist. Hongjoong bit his lip at the shiver caused by the cold hand, why was it that cold? He refused to focus on it for the way he was feeling enveloped in Seonghwa’s arms was somewhat distracting. What was about the man got him this breathless and desperate? He never felt that type of attraction toward anyone before.

“Can I be blunt with you?” Hongjoong didn’t let his confidence waver as he lifted his face to meet Seonghwa’s eyes again.

“Of course.” He wanted to pull his hair at the formality, so infuriating.

“Can I top you for a night?” Seonghwa raised a perfectly trimmed eyebrow at him.

He didn’t seem faltered when he replied, still swaying them; “Bold of you to assume I would let anyone top me, nevertheless, agreeing to sleep with you.” Okay, that was embarrassing but Hongjoong didn’t let it phase him. He was too confident about this.

“Why not? People usually press me for these.” Hongjoong gripped his jacket, pushing his body daringly close, eying Seonghwa under his lashes. Now he should fall for his irresistible charms—

“Would they?”

“You should see one of my streams.” Hongjoong smirked, easing his tight holds not to wrinkle the jacket. Patting the material gently to smother it.

“So I’ve heard; a camboy.” There wasn’t any shaming or offense in the words, just acknowledgment and Hongjoong didn’t take any.

“Yes, people pay money to see it behind a screen and I’m inviting you for a live show on your own for free.” At that, Seonghwa’s lips curved up slightly.

“Confident.” His hands traveled up his waist and then slid back down gently to rest on his hips. He seemed to do it unconsciously though; Hongjoong swallowed his small hitch of breath.

“I cum in front of people, what do you expect?” Hongjoong shot back, smirk widening as he saw the crack in the façade. Seonghwa was definitely falling for his allures.

“Nothing less.” That boasted Hongjoong’s ego big time and he slid his hands up and lazily threw them around Seonghwa’s neck, idly playing with the hair at his nape and very oblivious to the crowd around them staring, murmuring between them and stopping their dance to put more attention on the pair.

“I never bottom,” Hongjoong voice lowered suggestively as he leaned closer, their chests pressing while still eying Seonghwa up. His fingertips trailed delicately along the long column of Seonghwa’s neck before letting one hand play absentmindedly with the lengthy earring hanging down Seonghwa’s ear. “But… I think I might do it… for you… if you are interested of course?” He breathed against Seonghwa’s mouth, could smell the sharp cologne this close.

Their lips hovered and he sighed, a weird hum buzzing under his skin, making him feel rather hot. His eyes couldn’t lift from the quirk on the man’s face.

How could he remain this composed and cool when he was literally flaunting all his cards in his face? Others would have slammed him against a wall and fucked him ruthlessly at the given sign, but Seonghwa didn’t.

Then he chuckled.

“My apologies, I think I will have to decline the offer.” Hongjoong’s eyes widened, heat surfaced his cheeks and goddamnit he was blushing. For once, his front cracked and he reeled back. He hated how loud his heart was beating in his chest and how his hands trembled as they retreated and slid down Seonghwa’s shoulders gradually.

“Y-Your lose.” Did he just fucking stutter? This couldn’t get any more humiliating at all. Hongjoong couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Well, the song already ended, Kim Hongjoong.” Seonghwa respectfully took a step back, hands squeezed him before they let go of his body.

“Okay.” He replied lamely, didn’t meet his eyes as he formally bowed and turned on his heels and left.

He just got rejected. So bluntly. When he lowered himself to the point he was considering bottoming for the fucker. And still got  _ rejected _ .

Hongjoong stormed to the bar, irritation flaring underneath his skin as he downed a drink in one shot. “Wow, he stood you up on the spot.”

“Fuck off San.” Hongjoong was fairly pissed. He wasn’t in the mood for his friend to mock him when he was so strung out and his ego wounded like shit.

“Someone ain’t having it.” Hongjoong shot him a hard glare. “Okay I’m sorry, was it that bad?” San slid in the seat beside him.

“He is such a stuck up bitch,” he grated but added after. “Not really a bitch, he kind of rejected me in the most polite way he could manage.” Hongjoong pouted.

“I saw the way you both danced, the sexual tension was skyrocketing though, bet everyone noticed.” At San’s comment, he felt conscious of the imprints Seonghwa left on his waist. Fuck him.

“Go ask him if he fucking noticed that as well.” His body was still buzzing with the weird hum; still hot and bothered in an annoying way.

He might have been fuming which made San wonder. “Why so wound up?” San quirked an eyebrow.

“Because for once I threw myself at someone and he fucking rejected it like I was some bitch digging dicks on daily.” Hongjoong was frustrated. On one hand, he wanted the man, on the other, his pride was trashed and then he wanted the man to regret his refusal— wait—

“What is this look?” San looked suspiciously, as he narrowed his eyes and Hongjoong smirked wickedly.

“I want his number.”

“Bitch no, just leave it be.” San looked at him in absurdity as if he just cursed his parents in front of him. “You look desperate as fuck.”

“Nope, I’m gonna make him regret it. He will come after me.” Hongjoong eyed the man across the hall, going around like nothing had happened at all. He will definitely make him regret not taking on the offer of the best fuck night he could have got.

——

Hongjoong took off his suit jacket and flopped on his bed once he returned home. He grinned as he fetched his phone and opened Google. He typed Park Seonghwa in the search bar. The search immediately filled with countless articles, some old and some of them new about the current event. 

“Wah…” Hongjoong marveled at the pictures taken, looked like a red carpet or something. Seonghwa looked intimidating and scary if he was honest, especially the glare in his eyes. He wondered how he managed to flirt with him so confidently. He laughed nervously as he saw the praising articles, calling out his professionalism and amazing skills. His methods in delivering speeches with poise yet still captivating the audience almost effortlessly. Well, no lies. 

Hongjoong also realized he was young, barely a few months older than he was and he was fresh to the fashion scene. His brand, Star1117 was recently well established overseas, fairly successful and prosperous. Probably why he wasn’t well acquainted with his face here.

He worried on his lips as he flipped to his back, staring up at his phone’s screen. He rolled between countless photos; he even walked runways for his brand and dammit he looked sexier than any model he had seen. He could even be on par with Yeosang and to put it simply, Yeosang owned the fashion industry. Being called a prince said it all.

Suddenly the need to have him multiplied a couple of times, he loved challenges and he loved gaining hard attainable stuff. Seonghwa seemed like one of them. 

He threw his phone and went to wipe off the makeup and take a bath. When he returned in his silk sleeping pajamas, it was already late at night. His phone had a couple of unopened messages he received when he was bathing, one of them had Seonghwa’s number from San with a warning telling him he shouldn’t fuck it up and Wooyoung was rooting for him. Go figure San would spill it on the spot for his lover. 

He returned the message with a simple thumbs up and decided to send one for Park Seonghwa despite it being close to midnight, a simple ‘Hey ;)’

It took a while to receive a reply; Hongjoong was checking the horny DMS his fans left for him when his phone peeped. ‘Kim Hongjoong.’

“How did he know…?” Hongjoong pursed his lips in a pout and typed just that, ‘How did you know it is me? :(’

‘I have an app to check for id’

“What the fuck?” Hongjoong mumbled, ‘Why would you even?’

‘I get a lot of calls like these daily.’

‘Is that you saying I need to check-in line for a fuck night with you?’ Hongjoong bit on his lower lip and watched the three dots dancing as Seonghwa wrote a reply.

‘You really want it that badly?’ Hongjoong fought the giddy smile on his face, still worrying on his lower lip. He curled sideways and wrote back, ‘What if I am?’

‘Why?’ well, unexpected response.

‘I want to see if your dick is as pretty as your face ;)’ it wasn’t the time for sarcasm but Hongjoong couldn’t hold it back.

‘Bold, is yours as tiny as you?’ Hongjoong’s face warmed to an uncomfortable extent, he was blushing so hard. Instead of biting on his lip, he pressed a sweater paw to his mouth to stop himself from yelling in embarrassment.

‘Definitely not, why don’t you see for yourself?’ because he was confident, mind you.

‘So tempting, anything else?’ he followed with, ‘I should go now.’ Hongjoong immediately jumped from his laying position and sat on the bed, his heart drummed; he wasn’t about to lose his chances that fast.

‘Wait,’ he wrote quickly, ‘I’m going live tomorrow, come watch me.’

‘I’m picky with my porn,’ Hongjoong groaned out loud, his face annoyingly warm and his stomach tossing.

‘I don’t do requests, but how do you prefer it?’ he was really coming out desperate but fuck it, he had gone so far he might as well see what was the big deal about his dick.

‘Hmm’ suddenly, he was edgy as the three dots kept flipping longer than they supposed to. The fuck he was typing? His wet dreams in detail?

He waited for a while and when the message bubble finally popped, his heart skipped.

‘I like my boys wrecked, it turns me on seeing whiny subs who beg to be dicked hard and rough; you got the tiny condition down but too bad I don’t think you can manage a sub for me.’

‘I can.’ before Hongjoong could stop himself, he blurt it. Oh fuck. He never did that before, or he did, but so long time ago. He wanted to facepalm so hard.

Could he manage it? He definitely didn’t like submitting to anyone or putting anything up his ass, it’s been long since he last played with it, he couldn’t even remember. 

‘You are really doing everything.’ Hongjoong swore he could hear the smugness in the words.

‘I wanna see why it takes this much to have your dick’ he bit back ‘what is the big deal about it?’

‘Oh, you will have to try hard and see for yourself.’ the cocky bastard.

‘Book your schedule from now because I’m sure our deal is sealed already.’

‘So confident.’ hell yes, he was. 

‘You will lose it once you see how pretty I can get when riled up.’ They were both acting childish at this point but it felt like a game for both of them; of who was going to make the other admit they were wrong or right, and if Hongjoong loved anything, it was proving himself right no matter what and getting what he wanted.

‘Show me.’ A thrilling pulse pounded within his body.

‘Tomorrow night, I will send you a link since you aren’t subscribed to my page and it’s private.’

‘Okay.’

Hongjoong wanted to scream in excitement as he flopped back on his king-sized bed and squealed. He felt like a teenage girl who nailed a date with her crush but it was more about the exciting rush of proving himself, he was more than that asshole thought he was capable of. 

It had been so long since he was this sexually thrilled; he didn’t hate looking forward to tomorrow night!

He dialed Wooyoung’s number a couple of minutes later, “Hey slut,” happiness was threaded into his words and the man on the other end of the line had all the rights to seem suspicious.

‘I don’t want to freak out already but you sound scary…’ Wooyoung warily replied.

“Oh shut up! I got a deal with him!” Hongjoong exclaimed gleefully.

‘Who? Park Seonghwa?’ Wooyoung sounded shocked and the reaction was so satisfying to Hongjoong, “Yes!”

‘What the fuck bro! How did you do it?’ Wooyoung gushed on the other line. 

Hongjoong rolled on the bed in exhilaration as he told Wooyoung the deal, said boy was as exhilarated as him as he gave exaggerated reactions as if he was the one about to get fucked in his place. ‘I should definitely watch your live tomorrow,’ Wooyoung was breathless from all the babbling.

“God, I need to buy a lot of stuff, I legit have zero to none toys for my ass.” Now Hongjoong started to worry as he glanced at his closet, oh fuck—

‘Just shut it, I will have everything arrive at your front door by tomorrow morning,’ Hongjoong couldn’t stop the shit-eating grin from spreading on his face.

“Noting less from the best whore.” Wooyoung was expert in sex toys, not just because he was the director of the BDSM shop in Gangnam, but also San making him try everything possible in their fucks, so more or less Wooyoung’s knowledge couldn’t be topped. He knew said boy would choose the most suitable yet interesting pieces for him.

“Thanks Woo.” Hongjoong finally took a breath.

‘Please, don’t mention it. You aced a deal with the infamous Park Seonghwa, we gotta catch him with your charms.’ So dramatic but whatever, this was fun and he couldn’t wait to see Seonghwa swallow his words and lose it in front of him. Just thinking about Seonghwa coming in his hand in front of one of his lives got him hard enough.

Before he passed out after midnight, he made sure to leave a message for his fans telling them about a surprise the next night that they should definitely prepare themselves for.

‘Wrecked and begging, he could do that for sure.’

—— 

His doorbell rang and he jumped in anticipation, this must be the deliveryman for sure! It was, he signed some papers before he took the package and scattered the items on his bed. Bless Wooyoung the toys were gorgeous. He hated how excited he was to try them.

Wooyoung brought him a thick silicon vibrator, the color black was fancy and he loved the contrast it would give to the baby vibes he was about to doll himself with. There was also a set of glassy plugs with different sizes and dammit, he loved them, the transparency of the objects so alluring and delicate when they weren’t supposed to be in the slightest.

There were also chokers, handcuffs (he honestly didn’t know why Wooyoung even brought them; it wasn’t like he was going to handcuff himself), and lastly, he unwrapped the item he especially asked for, a customized piece for him only. A glassy Cockring that had actual crystals imprinted on them; he ordered it a while ago and he was lucky it arrived on time. 

He snapped a picture of the items and sent it to Seonghwa, biting at his sleeve as he typed a caption, ‘look what came in the mail for you’ Hongjoong smiled giddily as he pressed send and waited for a reply. 

The seen sign appeared a couple of minutes later and he was typing.  _ Oh my goddddd,  _ Hongjoong buzzed with anticipation. 

‘I’m in the middle of a meeting.’ 

“Tch, boring.” Hongjoong scowled in annoyance before typing back, ‘Doesn’t it gets you hard though, imagining my cock with crystals might be a nice distraction.’ 

‘You might wanna show me first.’ Hongjoong almost squealed as he fumbled around, trying to get it on with a picture. 

‘Hmm want a picture of it?’ He was buying himself time as he pulled the elastic of his pants and underwear down, exposing his erection out. Was he seriously getting hard from the mere thought of showing off his dolled cock to Seonghwa? Well, the thought was sexy, especially when Seonghwa was in a meeting. 

‘Any other option?’

‘Well, unless you want to facetime my cock in your meeting?’ Hongjoong worried on his lower lip, fighting the breathy laugh trying to surge off him. He was being purposefully naughty and he was enjoying it more than he would like to admit. 

He slid the cockring on and fastened it. He groaned at the tight feeling but it looked goddamn pretty, the small crystals deliciously wrapped around his aroused length, glimmering along the one drop of precum he squeezed out of it. 

‘I don’t mind but then your moans would get thirty old men horny.’ Hongjoong almost choked on his spit, face heating up and cock twitching. 

‘Does that include you?’ 

‘If you cry for me, mayhaps?’ Hongjoong couldn’t suppress his whines as he spread his knees wider, the pants still on just his balls and length out. He held it purposefully with a soft grip like it was a delicate object before snapping a picture and sending it. 

‘Wanna suck it for me, hmm?’ 

‘Cute,’ Something in his stomach lurched and he thumbed on the head of his cock lazily, his other hand holding the phone. ‘Yeah, I wanna suck it dry for you’ Hongjoong whined aloud. ‘Bet you love someone with no gag reflex, it will make you cry.’ 

In response to that one comment, Hongjoong fastened his movements, his legs shaking a little. ‘More,’ he sent back, ‘talk more dirty to me.’

‘Why? Are you gonna cum for me this easily?’ Hongjoong inhaled shakily, ‘I barely done anything? Haven’t touched you, played with you, thrust deep into you.’

Hongjoong’s fingers trembled as he typed back a quick ‘yes’ and more, ‘yes I’m close, just show me more of your filthy tongue.’

‘My filthy tongue is dangerous,’ Hongjoong could bet on it ‘you might get addicted once you get a try,’ egoistic bastard. 

‘What would you do with it?’ Hongjoong used the slickness of his precum to smooth the slide of his palm, panting softly. 

‘Have it down your throat or deep inside your ass.’ 

“Oh god…” Hongjoong scrunched his eyes shut, his toes curled at the imaginary. He hated how his butthole clenched uncontrollably. ‘No one had it up my ass before…’

‘You will love it,’ Seonghwa taunted, ‘You will beg for your ass to be eaten  _ daily. _ ’

Hongjoong knew he was close, ‘Come eat me then,’ 

‘Needy boy,’ 

he couldn’t think of a reply back as he mindlessly typed just ‘ _ Seonghwa _ ’ 

‘Yes baby, are you cumming for me?’ And he did, the  _ baby  _ did him so unfairly. His fist wouldn’t stop milking his orgasm, pathetic moans dragging out of him. 

It took a minute for him to get back his breath before snapped a picture of his cum stained hand and cock, ‘I think I did.’ he carelessly wiped his hand on his pants before dropping back on the bed, his body still sensitive and trembling softly. 

‘You really get undone so easily, so much for being a top.’ Hongjoong took offense and pouted. 

‘Don’t act like it didn’t get you hard in the office.’ Hongjoong shot back, couple seconds later following it with, ‘did I get you hard? :(’ the sad emoji just because Seonghwa liked his boys whiny; might as well rile him up just the same. 

‘Hmm, can’t really get off in my suit, but I’m tempted.’

‘Wait, you are still in the meeting?’ Hongjoong’s ego inflated so big. 

‘Yes and it’s so boring I decided making you cum was more fun.’ Hongjoong blushed, his heart doing a weird thumping just thinking about Seonghwa sneaking glances of his dick pictures or typing dirty messages back under the table to make him cum. 

He grinned so wide, one extra thought of him palming himself away from everyone’s eyes and he groaned, he immediately typed, ‘gee thanks, focus on your work now,’ 

‘Okay, go clean yourself.’ his heart should remain calm or he was about to plunge it out by force and throw it out. 

‘You will be there at ten pm right?’ He waited for the reply anxiously. He wanted him to be present so bad it was almost stupid. 

‘I will try, I have work.’

‘Okay, tell me if you can’t make it.’ 

Hongjoong ignored the surge of disappointment at the thought of him not making it.

——

Hongjoong’s heart was doing weird rituals in his chest, like beating at an irregular pace and wanting to go out of his place for a walk around. 

No seriously, he was freaking out. One hour left for the live and he was anxiously buzzing with nerves.

He had done his beauty routine, his skin was soft and glowed, his body lotioned from head to toe and his hair was put in place after showering. 

His dirty pink locks fell in soft curls and his face had baby pink makeup on. Yes, he had to soften himself as much as possible that included the curls, and the blusher pinking his cheeks and the matching pink lipgloss and the lighter shade of it surrounding his pretty big eyes.

He was waiting in his bathrobe, he eyed the toys prepared for him. He took the cockring, he bit his lip as he slowly slid it on his half hardened cock and fastened it. 

He had to admit it never looked as pretty before. He was really going out of his way for this, wasn’t he? Seonghwa better cum hard for him. 

Thirty minutes left and he looked at his reflection in the mirror, he thought he might wear lingerie but then he thought his milky skin naked would look prettier, especially with the thin chain wrapped around his waist, with small crystal stars hanging from it, it matched the cockring and he looked so beautiful and fuckable. He wrapped the robe around him as he climbed the bed and sat in the middle, camera already prepared on the makeup table in front of the bed.

‘Fifteen minutes.’ He sent him a message, Seonghwa told him he will try to make it in time from his meeting but he still didn’t confirm he was back from work. Apprehension eating on him and his lips already sored from biting on them, he fidgeted on the bed as he waited for a reply, the timer counting down to go live. He checked the live stream and comments were already buzzing with people, none of them he actually wanted except for the message he waited to arrive on his private phone.

Views increased and Hongjoong’s anxiety picked up, what if he stood him up? What if he didn’t make it on time? What if he didn’t find him worth the night and decided to ignore the deal. The live peeped and he dropped the phone and forced a smile on his face, fifteen minutes passed without a reply so maybe he wouldn’t?

“Hey…” he didn’t want to sound disheartened but it was hard to ignore the feeling weighting his chest “So yeah, I promised a surprise today, bet y’all excited because my surprises hardly disappoint.” He winked and the comments went wild, thousands of people in the live. His chest deflated a little at the encouragement he received “Today is going to be different—” his phone buzzed and he stopped talking half-sentence, his focus on the phone and the message bubble that told him he was on. A stupid smile crept on his face and he returned to eye the camera, felt like looking into Seonghwa’s eyes instead.

“Different as in, I felt like playing a bottom today,” he didn’t have to look to know his fans were going insane. They had always begged him to bottom but he refused continuously “It’s special since I’m doing it as a part of a deal for someone who wanted to see if I could manage it.” Hongjoong smiled lazily “I definitely could.” He tracked backward on the bed before slowly undoing his robe and letting it slide off his shoulders to remain under him.

“Nothing fancy, just me I guess? Do I look cute in this?” he slid a delicate finger under the chain around his waist before letting it rest on the curve of it prettily “I’m gonna wreck myself today just because he wanted it from me, can’t actually refuse him a request, can… I?” he slurred the words, his eyes already hazing as he decided it was enough to talk and more work now.

“I… I haven’t played with my rim in so long… sorry if I’m going to take long to prep myself,” he bit his lip shyly, all part of a character he decided to play “It should be fun though…” he faced the camera and spread his knees wide and propped them up, the crystals glimmering around his pink cock in a beautiful scenery.

He lubed his fingers and slowly trailed them down, skimming his rim and it twitched at the mere touch, for a second he forgot the camera in concentration. He circled it slowly, felt his body heating up slowly as he slid his middle finger in; still stung and he winced but let it slide halfway before pulling it out then sliding it back in, lube dripping down as he repeated the act for a while.

“Ah…” he slid another finger in, the stretch annoying and it got him grunting in slight discomfort, he closed his eyes and threw his head back, the column of his neck flushed in display. His legs shook a little the more he moved inside himself, he panted “Okay, this is cramping me up,” he looked back at the camera, “I think I will use the toys Woo brought for me,” his hand trembled when he reached for the smallest size, an oval-shaped glass plug. he lubed it before he put it at his entrance, he inhaled sharply and once again threw his head back on the mountain of fluffy pillows behind him. It wasn't even halfway in but he was wheezing and his eyes glossed “God… t-this is harder than I-I thought—ahh!” Wrong move Hongjoong wrong move. He pushed it harder than intended and the oval plug slid fully inside him, brushing against his prostate just slightly.

His eyes teared up and he tried to move it inside somehow without flinching, his dick hard and resting on his stomach, twitching with every slight move. He pulled it out and the fat part got caught on his rim, he moaned and let it slide back in, repeating the act more times until he got used to the stretch to take the one size bigger plug. He let it at his entrance, his lips wobbled and fuck it, a single tear trailed his flushed cheek when he scrunched his eyes shut and inhaled sharply, the plug refusing to go in with how tight he was.

He had to stretch himself enough for the vibrator, it wasn’t enough yet “This h-hurts…” he whined. He spread his knees wider and tried pushing it in again but his hand trembled on the toy, his other one fisted the sheets under him. His body hot and sweaty as he tried again, “Ah…hngg… ahhh… c’mon…” he tried and this time it slid in, a muted gasp escaped him as he let go of the toy in him to grab on the mattress with both hands, more tears welled in his eyes at the stretch, he could literally feel the oval-shape filling him inside.

He squirmed and the move got him whining when it brushed against his insides and his prostate. He kept squirming for more friction, hair sticking to his forehead with sweat and the flush traveled down to his chest as his cock leaked cum on his stomach “Hngg… f-fuck…” he pulled the sheets with his fists unconsciously as he twisted more, he thought he needed to pull it out if he didn’t want to cum from this alone, the stretch would be awful but he had to. He whined miserably when he pulled it out, his rim twitching around nothing and for a second he dropped the toy and just laid there to take deep breaths, chest heaving hard in wheezes.

The third one and biggest size looked intimidating, Hongjoong felt his legs shake at the incoming stretch, his eyes already tearing up but he needed it, had to if he wanted to insert the vibe, fuck you Wooyoung why did it have to be so big— “F-Fuck—!” Hongjoong arched off the bed as he tried to push it in, even when drenched with lube and his ass filled with the slippery liquid, it felt ridiculously big as he pushed and pushed, his muscles protesting and he heaved choked breathes “W-Wish y-you were h-here…” he panted hazily, his body weak and hot and breathless “Y-You were supposed t-to be here…to help meh…hngg…ahh…” he knew Seonghwa and a crowd was watching but he had half mind when he whispered the words loud enough to get heard “help m-me with t-this—ahh!” he cried as he buried his face in the pillow, body shook when the plug fit snug inside him he could feel it in his lower belly.

He took stuttered breaths, tried to calm his body when his cock leaked more, throbbing painfully as the plug pressed mercilessly on his prostate. It was impossible to not writhe with every small movement of his body that got the plug brushing against his insides.

He slid off the pillows to lay sideways when his back screamed at him, his hand fisting the sheets in front of his chest and his knees slightly pulled up to curl on himself. He agreed to this but no one told him he was signing for this shit, he hoped Seonghwa could see his beauty like this. He wanted him wrecked? He was absolutely wrecked, he sniffled and curled further “Am I now beautiful enough…?” he inhaled the words erratically, his fans would be screaming their lungs but this was for one certain man.

His hand trembled but still took the plug and moved it inside, he almost muffled his cries in the sheets but kept his glossy eyes on the camera, looking underneath his thick wet lashes. He pulled the plug out and the sound was obscene, he dropped it and returned his hand to his chest, heaving at the emptiness, a little rest “I don’t think I have the energy to fuck myself more…” he laughed breathlessly, “I will leave it for the vibe to make me cum,” he said as he grabbed the curve-shaped vibrator, weakly lubing it “It should’ve been you…” Hongjoong gritted at the camera but it was almost a pained look, a resentful one. He had to take this on his own when Seonghwa was supposed to be with him to lead all of this. Fuck his body was screaming at him and he had no energy but still wanted to cum so badly. His hardon was painful enough, Seonghwa supposed to be here and take care of it.

It wasn’t as hard sliding the vibrator inside, still, it made him full and the angle of it pressed just right against his prostate, he bit his lip trying not to think of the assault on it when he’s going to turn it on.

He still laid sideways, his cock on display and the remote in on hand in front of his chest. He curled smaller as he willed himself to press the button. He did and a lewd moan surged from him instantly. “Hngggg ahhh!” He dropped the remote to fist on the mattress as the vibrations traveled up his spine, shudders rocked his body nonstop and his cock throbbed sorely. Tears fell down his flushed cheeks and he fought the urge to just melt into the sheets, his body out of control as he mewled and cried repeatedly, words incoherent with drool slipping the side of his mouth. It didn’t help that it was set on auto mode, the vibe would change frequencies on its own. When it flared up Hongjoong almost lost it, his hips trembled and his body thrashed and he came messy and loud on the bathrobe under him.

Sick thoughts presented themselves in his heady state; what if this wasn’t enough? What if  _ he _ wasn’t enough to make Seonghwa crave him? What if all of this would go to vain because he hadn’t done enough? 

“I wanna cum for you a-again hnggg… ahh…” Hongjoong blinked with his big teary eyes at the camera. He wanted to win this, he wanted Seonghwa to lose his mind and drag him because he proved him wrong and he was too  _ perfect _ to be refused. He wanted Seonghwa to tell him he was pretty enough, he had done enough.

“You wanted to see me wrecked… god…” Hongjoong struggled to regulate his breathing, “I’m gonna wreck myself for you Hwa—ahhh!” he didn’t realize in his elated state he had shouted his name. He wasn’t aware of his slip up as he mumbled more nonsense “Gonna cum for you again hnggg… gonna cum thinking of y-you… y-you filling me u-upp— your cock f-filling me up-p— ahhh—!” he fisted the sheets helplessly, head totally empty with deliriousness.

“Fuck fuck fuckhhnnggg—!” he flipped on his back as the vibrations died down a bit but still there “M-More… more!” he pulled at the sheets and his back arched, the chain’s stars hanging down the perfect curve and he trembled hard, the frequencies mode left him helpless as it kept pulling him up then dragging him down.

“Hwa! H-Hwa can’t— hnggg c-can’t!” the vibe died down to a dull pace and he almost cried in frustration as he ran one unstable hand through his wet bangs and pulled it back off his scalding skin.

His eyes half focused on the ceiling, not wanting or feeling like moving, he waited for the vibe to pick pace, his chest heaved and that’s when his phone buzzed, his heart as if it wasn’t ricing already, jumped in his throat and he looked at the message ‘beg for it,’ Hongjoong’s eyes blurred with tears as he let the phone down “p-please… please Hwa…” he inhaled the pleas ‘Scream you want it in front of everyone, you want  _ me _ , my cock, my cum in you.’ The vibrator suddenly picked up the pace and he dropped the phone with a wet cry, fisted the sheets instead “Please please please—hnggg! Hwa wan’ you!” his hip moved with the vibrations and he wanted to thrust into something but there was only air “Wan’ you to fuck mehh—!” he gasped at the tightening in his lower belly, his ass clenching around the device uncontrollably as he cried with pitiful tears, delirious with lust “Wan’ your cock— w-wan’ it hnggg…. Wan’ i-it in me!” the overstimulation drove him insane “ _ Need _ you in me please please please!”

His orgasm was hard and forceful, it dragged for a while he kept whining weakly as it spilled on his stomach and all the way up to his chest “W-Wan’ y-you… wan’ y-you here… wan’ you to h-hold me…” he sniffled as he reached the remote unevenly and turned it off but kept the vibe snug in his ass. 

His two hands came to cover his face as tears slid down freely with no consent, he hated this. He was usually composed and not easily shakable. He didn’t think he had cried before on camera and screamed that loud, he didn’t even realize his body was this sensitive. This felt shamefully vulnerable he couldn’t stand it as he turned his back to the camera and curled on his side to calm himself “D-Don’t worry I’m fine, just need a moment.” He laughed wetly to assure the people watching.

The shudders could be seen in his back, he grabbed his phone to check on his feed, some showering him with praise and horny love, some going a bit insane on him and others worrying about his cries which was sweet on its own. The part though, of people wondering who was Hwa, was the most fun, it distracted him from his emotional instability. Someone was going feral, cursing him out in jealousy, it got him chuckling and he slowly lifted himself on his weak arms so he could rest on the pillows and face them.

“Fist of all, phew, sorry for the emotional mess I know y’all didn’t sign up for this,” Hongjoong smiled apologetically, still hazy and fucked out, blush high on his cheeks and eyes faded. “Second, no, you can’t stalk Hwa, also you can’t kill him thanks.” There was a serious undertone to Hongjoong’s supposedly joke “Hwa will stay a mystery, he is only for me to know.” Hongjoong warned as he rested his aching back on the soft cushions, the plug oddly satisfying in his ass.

People’s curiosity was overwhelming, Hongjoong was laughing at the perplexed comments, people thinking he had finally snatched a boyfriend “No, he isn’t my boyfriend, actually we only interacted once.” Hongjoong said in amusement as their question marks increased crazily “Okay, he is a really handsome guy I met at the event the other night,” Hongjoong took a bit mercy on the crowd as he told a bit of the story. He dragged them into this drama, they deserved that much explanation. “He refused a night with me because he is a,” he gestured vaguely with his hand in ridiculousness, rolled his eyes as he muttered, “A hard dom it seems.”

“Anyways,” Hongjoong continued “So I told him I would bottom for him and he wanted to see if I actually could, the whole story.” Just as he finished, his phone rang and his heart jumped “Fuck fuck, he is calling,” he gushed as if Seonghwa wasn’t watching him already, a silly smile on his face which looked cute with his fuckedout looks.

Hongjoong put the phone on speakers and Seonghwa’s raspy voice sounded a bit huskier “Are you finished with your little story?” Hongjoong bit on his lip bashfully as he eyed the camera as if looking at Seonghwa himself. He grabbed the sheets to cover his body when he felt his hot skin catching a shiver, he curled in a small ball. “Also I can see you have the phone on speaker.”

“They need to at least hear your voice,” Hongjoong in his fucked out state,  _ giggled. _ Seonghwa went quiet for a second, “Close the live,” he demanded. Hongjoong wondered if he wasn’t this out of it, would he still think this was so fucking sexy or not.

“But I haven’t said goodbye yet.” He whined with a pout as if that was enough, “Well, we have a more important conversation.” Hongjoong grinned at that and turned to look at the camera, a sly glint in his playful big orbs “Well, you have it all, he says he has something important for me." Hongjoong tucked himself better, feeling tired and cozy “I think that’s all for the night, no more me and— opp almost outed him hehe,” he giggled again and waved childishly at the camera, “Bye bye everyone! My man needs me~”

“Not your man,” Seonghwa pointed out and Hongjoong shrugged with a grin “Anyway, have a nice evening!” and he closed the live, knowing fully well he had left everyone with the biggest cliffhanger. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay It's five in the morning and I almost decided not to post this but whatever lol pushing my insecurities to the side for now ig  
> I might have made some story building for a continuation, mayhaps another three oneshots? I dunno if I would write them tho lol still left it open in case I would one day.
> 
> Don't forget to leave kudos and comments :3 <3  
> Follow me on my Twitter [@RRediKON](https://twitter.com/rredikon/status/1238947414008102913?s=21)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /tags updated/  
> First, I really wanna say thank you for the overwhelming support this one got! I honestly did not see that coming!  
> I appreciate it and hope this one will be as enjoyable!  
> I tried to make it not cringy as much as possible lol, everything about Joong’s chara will be explained later, everything he does will make sense I promise!  
> Have fun!

**Scene Two**

Hongjoong slumped into the sheets the first he closed the live, phone in hand, just beside his head. He shut his eyes and inhaled softly, “I ended it.”

‘Yeah,’ Seonghwa’s voice on the other line seemed to quieten down as well. Suddenly the whole atmosphere in the room shifted, more charged and intimate. Being in private alone with only Seonghwa’s presence after everything he had done and said made shivers prickle his sensitive skin. Seonghwa was saying something but he spoke above it, “What do you think now?” he would have been anxious if not for how tired he was feeling, “Was I…”

‘Pretty, you were so beautiful.’ Seonghwa’s blunt confession shouldn’t have surprised him. His breath hitched “Yeah…?” he prompted him to continue talking, the praise dancing warmly on his skin. Content, his heart beat a little bit quicker. ‘Sleep, you must be tired—’

“No, talk. I want to hear your voice.” Hongjoong pulled the covers above his head to block the lights, his body fighting exhaustion. ‘Now look who is being a baby…’ Seonghwa’s voice oddly lighter, a tease he hadn’t heard before, ‘you like pillow talk?’ Hongjoong spoke faintly, “Yeah… talk me to sleep.”

‘I can do that,’ he said, ‘I can talk all night about how good you were, undoing yourself for me.’ Hongjoong’s cheeks warmed, a weird fuzzy feeling in his chest at being told he was good enough. It hit close to why he started all of this for. Many truths behind the purpose, he wasn’t ready to unload, to think about or admit to. A lot of insecurities and bad memories and demons that shouldn’t become known. Not to Seonghwa at least. Wrong time, wrong place, wrong person.

“Told you, I can…” He slurred the words, a weak smile in them. “…wan’ you here,”

‘Want me to take care of the mess you made of yourself?’ Hongjoong knew he would have to wash all the covers tomorrow and take a long shower, but for now he was too fucked out and content to give a fuck honestly. ‘The plug still in you?’

“Hmm…” Seonghwa made a noise of disapproval. ‘Take it out, it will hurt you when you wake up tomorrow,’ Seonghwa’s voice was unfairly nice and gentle, almost lulling him to dreamland “but… ’m so tired…”

‘I know baby, but this is your first time in a while, it will hurt if you keep it.’ Hongjoong whined as he forced his last ounce of strength to drag a hand down his back, he grasped the part out and pulled it, an irrepressible whimper surged out at the lost feeling and the sensitivity of his backside. Seonghwa cooed at him ‘Good boy.’

“Am I…?” Hongjoong curled on himself, barely keeping attention, his mind slowly slipping. ‘Yes, yes you are. I want to reward you for doing all of it for me, for being so obedient.’ Obedient? Was he seriously following stereotypes? If he could focus enough, he would have realized he was submitting in all the right ways, doing everything to be called good and be fucked for this man. However, Hongjoong fought the idea, fought the thoughts in his drowsiness “…means you will… fuck me right…?”

‘I will fuck you so hard baby, will give you the cock you begged for.’ Hongjoong groaned, albeit, weakly. “Please I’m exhausted, can’t get horny now.” He froze at Seonghwa’s chuckle. So beautiful. God, how could it be this hypnotizing? ‘Want me to talk softly instead?’

“That would be so considerate of you.” And for the rest of his conscious mind, Seonghwa kept talking nonsense to him ‘—want to smooth the ache in your body… clean you up and tuck you in. I would let you lay on top of me and fall asleep like a baby hmm?... little Hongjoong likes to be dotted on…’ However, he didn’t recall much of what was said, he only hummed mindlessly until he fell asleep ‘…you would look gorgeous… fucked out and content and loose in m…’

The weird thing was, when he woke up the next morning, the call had ended close to five in the morning.

Hongjoong refused to think about what that meant.

It wasn’t sunk in yet that he won the deal when Wooyoung called. He groaned at the blare of the ringtone. He eyed the clock before picking up, it was already afternoon. ‘You are still sleeping?’ Wooyoung’s annoying voice kicked at his head. “Please, talk quietly.” Wooyoung laughed, ‘Last night must have knocked you out.’

Hongjoong’s brain made a quick run to everything. The live, the dirtiness he slept through, the phone call and Seonghwa saying he was going to fuck him so hard. Hongjoong suddenly screamed and shot up from the bed, fully awake now and fully aware of his state of nakedness and the dried cum and lube on his skin. Not to forget mentioning the dull ache in his lower back “Wooyoung!”

‘What?!’ He didn't know why Wooyoung was as much freaked out but he appreciated the enthusiasm nonetheless. “He said he will fuck me so hard!!” Hongjoong would have typed two lines of keyboard smash in caps if he was messaging. It was Wooyoung’s turn to scream on the other line. Hongjoong almost threw the phone away at the screech. San in the background checking if he was alright and Wooyoung gushed to him about Hongjoong’s much anticipated fuck night as if Hongjoong wasn’t there in the conversation listening. Though his mind was farther away then, more up in the clouds with an apparent blush on his cheeks, letting reality slowly sinking in.

‘Congratz bro.’ San peaked into the conversation ‘Glad you didn’t fuck up.’ He added before Wooyoung took the call back. ‘How? What did he say? I mean, I would have questioned his gay ass if he didn’t want to fuck your brains out after last night but fuck I want details!’ perhaps Wooyoung was more excited than he was. ‘I didn’t sit through last night’s mess and threw San out of the room to be left with that cliffhanger as well! I’m your friend!’

Well… where should he start? His memory was a little fogged since he wasn’t that wakeful then.

Hongjoong told him the most of it, what he could remember at least. ‘Aww, he called you a baby.’ He refused to acknowledge the blush, no, he wasn’t blushing. “Everyone calls me a baby.” He scowled. ‘Well, they do but it hardly affected you this way before, he must be different. I just know you are blushing now.’ Don’t question him, but he could see Wooyoung wiggling his eyebrows. “He is different? I honestly don’t know? It’s just thrilling… y’know cracking his façade.” Hongjoong pondered. It wasn’t like he, himself, knew what happened these couple days, he was yet to question his own weird behaviors. “He must be worth it then.”

“He is battling with Yeosang on that prince title, what do you mean.” Hongjoong laughed incredulously. ‘That’s impossible.’

“You should stand in front of him face to face and see for yourself. Plus, he is an Aries. You must know what that suggests.” Hongjoong rolled his eyes. ‘Lmao, no wonder he got you whipped, I just know you won’t be walking the next day after he fucks you.’ Definitely.

‘Are you gonna live stream your fuck?’ a chill traveled down Hongjoong’s back. “What? No. Nope, that remains indoors.” Hongjoong sat through five minutes of Wooyoung’s guilt-tripping and whining in his ears but he honestly couldn’t even entertain the idea. For many reasons. One it would be his first time in so long. Perhaps, years? He couldn’t trust himself after last night even, he wasn’t about to cry out loud like that again in front of everyone, not when Seonghwa fucks him too.

Besides, he didn’t want to admit it, but there was something unusual, something intimate and distinctive about keeping Seonghwa to himself. Yes, he could tease a crowd, but he was obsessive enough to want what he would get to be reserved only for himself, to experience and feel. Aside from all of that, he didn’t think Seonghwa would appreciate the idea much. He, too, didn’t want to expose him. He might be a model and semi-pornstar but Seonghwa had status and reputation to behold, dragging him into this over a plaything would cause more damage than it could do them both good. He didn’t even think Seonghwa would want to be seen in public with him, much less, a stream with thousands of viewers.

Hongjoong wanted to keep it simple, fuck and be over it. He was sure Seonghwa would agree to this as well. “Stop Wooyoung.” Said boy immediately went quiet at the sullen tone in Hongjoong’s voice. ‘Hey, I was joking, you don’t have to, for sure.’ Wooyoung said empathetically. “Don’t.” Hongjoong stopped him before he could tread any sensitive issues. However Wooyoung was stubborn ‘It’s okay _Hyung_ ,’ oh shit. Hongjoong scrunched his eyes shut as he pulled his knees to his chest, feeling extremely exposed under the tone. ‘It’s fine if you… want to keep it more to yourself, it’s okay if for once you don’t do something for a crowd,’

“I don’t want something serious, I’m playing—” 

‘I get it. I also would get it if you don’t want to play this time, too. I mean, it’s been a long while since I last saw you this…’ Wooyoung struggled to find a suitable word but Hongjoong already understood what he meant to say, “Excited about something genuinely? Is that why you were screaming my ears these two days?” Because even if he didn't dwell on it much, Hongjoong still noticed the rush of adrenaline and the thrill he hadn’t experienced in so long but felt these two days, so prominent and so strong. 

‘Yes Hyung, the spark was there in your voice and you sounded, _alive_.’ Wooyoung breathed the words in wonder. ‘Hyung, it’s been so long, so fucking long since you wanted someone for yourself, wanted something this badly.’

“I want a fuck night,” Hongjoong stressed. He didn’t want attachment, he didn’t want anything more. 

He didn’t want to be left behind again in a degrading way for simply being who he was or what he wanted to be. For someone to make excuses off his person just so they could desert him guiltlessly. The first step to avoiding that was keeping it a game with no undertones and threads tangled.

Fuck, he was already breaking his words by giving up control and his own body, which he was so adamant on keeping it out of anyone’s hands. The heck was wanting more. 

‘I know, I’m just telling you. You can always hope of more if you wanted to, any day.’ Hongjoong smiled, his eyes stung and he cursed his friend inside for being so delicate with him. No one stood a chance in front of a sentimental Wooyoung. “Are you done?” Hongjoong’s voice cracked slightly, “I’m going to go shower now.” Wooyoung didn’t press it more, just told him to go on before the call was disconnected.

‘Hope of more’? More came with all varieties of demanding emotional packages he wasn’t in need of nor capable of handling.

\---

Hongjoong was back at night when he was done with his visit to the company. His next photo session was in a few days so he didn’t have much to do just checking on prior official procedures. Hence, why he was back home early.

All day his mind was preparing a conversation in his head, with Seonghwa, obviously. He was about to call him and arrange when their deal was due.

He was in his comfy pajamas, fresh out of the shower and tummy full, he sat on the sofa in the living room.

‘Can we talk?’ he messaged him and waited for a reply, slurping the strawberry juice in his hand.

‘Let me take a shower first, I just returned from work.’ Hongjoong frowned as he eyed the time, it was close to eleven at night. ‘Sure, take your time.’ He flopped on the sofa and chose a random show to pass time as he waited.

His phone buzzed twenty minutes later. ‘Still up?’

‘Yeah, waiting for you.’ He typed back. ‘You must be tired, how about a phone call so you can go to sleep sooner?’ instead of a reply, his phone rang and he almost jumped in surprise.

“Hey…” his voice shook a little from his prior shock. ‘Hey.’ Seonghwa’s gentle voice sounded. “I don’t want to make this long, since you are probably tired,” Hongjoong started awkwardly but Seonghwa seemed busy, heard shifting on the other line before he said ’It’s fine, I’m already in bed so whenever my voice goes out, know I’m sleeping.’ Something about the fact Seonghwa was okay with talking to him falling asleep made his tummy toss around giddily. He laid a small hand atop it to settle the butterflies. “Okay, sure, I mean if that’s what you prefer.” He wanted to slap himself for being this bashful. But he was alone and curled on a sofa at midnight, talking probably to one of the most handsome guys he knew, also happened they were arranging their fuck night. Okay, he was blushing slightly, maybe.

‘So, you wanted to talk about…?’ Seonghwa said. “Oh, yeah. Just thought about deciding on a day maybe?” Hongjoong bit his lip, fingers fiddling with the end of his oversized shirt. ‘Hmm, yeah sure. When do you want it?’

“Well, I’m not the busy one, when are you free?” Hongjoong murmured, quietening his voice in case the other felt sleepy. ‘Hmm… this weekend? Sounds good?’ well, he would cancel any plan even if he had some. “Sounds good.”

‘At mine or yours?’ Hongjoong thought for a bit, “Dunno? We will figure out what is suitable then.” It was four days ahead. ‘Okay baby,’ Caught off guard, Hongjoong dropped the phone to the floor. His face burned as he struggled to get it with trembling hands. “Don’t do that!” he screamed at the man who was chuckling freely. ‘Do what?’ bastard! He definitely knew from the tone of his voice! Hongjoong fanned his hot face. “Calling me a baby! I’m not a baby!”

‘Hongjoong last night had another opinion.’ Fuck, Hongjoong slumped down on the sofa, holding the phone to his ear, he mumbled quietly “I was fucked out, it doesn’t count.” He was pouting.

‘Actually, it does, you sounded so lovely.’ His heart beat faster. “It fed your pride, didn’t it? You like I did that for you.” If he wasn’t lying, he was asking just to urge Seonghwa to talk more about last night’s; eager to know more of what he thought of him. ‘It did, so much.’ Hongjoong remained quiet, nibbling on his lips. “What did you like about it?”

‘Hmm…’ Seonghwa’s voice drawn out huskily, was he already falling asleep? ‘You would like to know about what I liked hmm?’ he pestered further, “Yeah?” Hongjoong grew impatient, winded. “tell me about it.” He muttered.

‘Your breathless voice, bitten lips, your cries and the flush painting your pale skin, the bruises I would leave once I catch you.’ Hongjoong’s breathing picked up. “What more?” the words a bit stifled and hoarse.

‘The way you can’t control your body once you get hard, get needy and loud, I love a screamer.’ Hongjoong bit a whimper back, his right hand straying down under his sweatpants to palm his already hard cock. ‘I also like how sensitive you seemed,’ It was almost sinful, having these words spoken out of someone’s mouth like Seonghwa. Illegal. “What else do you like?” his voice was weak, “What else do you want to see from this body?”

Seonghwa laughed raspingly, ‘Nothing,’ Hongjoong’s hand halted and he frowned for a second, a weird tight feeling in his chest that didn’t last long when Seonghwa continued, ‘You just lay on a bed, naked and ready for me and I will do the rest.’ Hongjoong couldn’t hold the pitiful moan he let out. ‘Now you tell me Hongjoong,’ his name sounded so different on his tongue. ‘What do _you_ want me to do?’

What did he want? Hongjoong’s mind was muddled and his brain mostly focused on his hard on, he couldn’t gather his thoughts, “Everything.” Why did it sound choked, ‘Tell me your _everything,_ baby.’

Hongjoong whimpered, precum leaking out the tip, “I-I… I want to just lay there, let you ruin me… I want rough sex, want you to bruise me, tight grips, harsh kisses, and multiple orgasms. I… I like dirty talk… so much…” it needed no genius to figure that out, giving the state he was in, laying on his back, fisting his cock out of his pants to the voice of a hot stranger.

‘What else?’ Seonghwa’s voice darkened. “I want you to take care of me… really take good care of me like I-I...” Hongjoong bit his tongue to swallow his almost slip up. He was about to say more than he should. But Seonghwa said it for him. ‘Like what you _deserve_.’

“Yes! Seonghwa, like what I deserve!” Hongjoong moaned; the pressure in his lower belly so tight and his thighs trembling, “Hwa… Hwa I wanna cum…” Hongjoong scrunched his eyes shut, his back arched as he thrust into his palm. ‘Baby already losing it?’

“I c-can’t—” Hongjoong gasped, “Want you to suck me off, want to cum in your mouth hnggg… want my cum on you…ahh… Hwa…” he barely caught the low grunt on the other line, ‘Gonna have it down my throat for you, let you cum in my mouth if that’s what you want baby, you just ask.’ Seonghwa was a bit as breathless. Hongjoong’s pride soared. “Hwa… Hwa… you would look so pretty… so pretty with your mouth stretched around my hard cock, with cum dripping down your face ahhh…” Hongjoong flicked his wrist and moaned at the sensation almost tipping him off the edge. ‘Will let you scream for me,’ Seonghwa urged him, ‘you will beg to cum, and you will cum so gorgeously, yelling and thrashing and held down with my bruising hands.’ Hongjoong whimpered. “Let me cum Hwa, wanna cum, please please hnggg…” his hips struggled to settle down, his pants’ elastic digging around his thick thighs.

‘My mouth isn’t enough? Want me to play with your little hole while I suck your pretty flushed dick?’ Seonghwa mocked him ‘Tease you with only spit? Make you squirm on my fingers, sob and scream and _fuck_ , your strangled voice is so delicious.’ Hongjoong cried for him, couldn’t repress it, he felt the sting in the corner of his eyes. Mouth chanting ‘ _Hwa Hwa Hwa hnggg…. Hwa I w-wan’ you, fuck me.’_

‘You will be fucked good. Just like how a pretty boy like you should.’ Hongjoong spilled on his clothes and hand, voice a pitch higher, not caring if it was too loud; it felt goddamn amazing. Hongjoong panted heavily as he rested his arched back down on the sofa. Chest heaving rapidly, “Hwa…?” He whispered weakly, ‘Yeah baby? Did it feel good?’

Hongjoong whimpered daintily, “So good… cum is everywhere.” His face was too hot and his heart yet to settle down, “Aren’t you gonna cum for me too?” Hongjoong pouted, staring hazily at the ceiling, imaging what a Seonghwa with a hand around his cock looked like. ‘Not yet, but almost there.’ Seonghwa grunted, seemed to fist his hard on as urgently. Hongjoong bit his lip, swollen already from his own assault. “Imagine me… imagine me between your knees… staring at you jerking off, with my fucked out self and cum stained body…” Hongjoong closed his eyes, imagining he was there on Seonghwa’s bed, between his parted knees. “Imagine me resting my face on your knee while trailing a slender finger… lazily… along your cock… taking a drip of your cum and sucking it for you… looking into your eyes as I wait for you to tip off…” Hongjoong spoke delicately “Hwa…” Unlike Seonghwa’s blunt straightforward dirty talk, Hongjoong’s was more dreamy and sensual, almost romantic in the way he spoke them with.

Seonghwa groaned, ‘Baby, so bad aren’t you?’ Hongjoong’s lips tugged up slightly, “I can’t help it that I want you to cum for me…” Hongjoong blushed, giggled softly in coyness. ‘I did yesterday.’ Seonghwa laughed breathlessly. Hongjoong’s heart took a leap, “You did?”

‘How could I not? You were yelling my name crying, begging me to fuck you…’ Seonghwa seemed close, ‘The chain around your waist was striking by the way.’ Hongjoong giggled again. “Thanks, wore it for you.”

‘Wear it again when I fuck you, so I can snap it as I thrust deep in your ass.’ Hongjoong gasped involuntarily, god he didn’t want to get hard again. “Hwa…” he whined, “You can’t do this to me again.” He dragged on. “Cum for me please?” Hongjoong spoke childishly, cute in a way. ‘I will… I just…’ there was a stuttered inhale and a quiet moment after. If Hongjoong focused more, he could hear the raspy breaths. “Can I see your cum?”

‘Naughty boy.’ Seonghwa chuckled. “Please?” he was surely enjoying the character he was playing. It almost came naturally to submit and act coy for Seonghwa and he didn’t seem to mind at all. It felt like a change he hadn’t experienced in a long while. He was submitting, but it also felt like he didn’t lose all control, Seonghwa was as much affected by his schemes too and he liked it. Seeing Seonghwa cum for him.

Hongjoong didn’t expect Seonghwa to actually send him a picture, though it wasn’t of his dick but he couldn’t fight the thirst bubbling inside, watching Seonghwa’s big hand covered with sticky white cum, few spreading like tendrils between his fingers. He wondered if he was there, would Seonghwa let him suck them clean for him?

“Wow, even your cum is as pretty as you.” He joked playfully; it was worth it when Seonghwa laughed on the other line. ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if you said it was delicious as well.’ Hongjoong giggled, “Bet! You beat me to it but I gotta have a taste first.”

‘You will baby, as much as you want.’ Hongjoong blushed again, just when he thought his face had cooled down. He groaned, “Pause. Stop. We both got off stop saying horny stuff.” Go figure Aries men and their sex drive, he could only dream of keeping up. ‘Adorable.’

“Shushhhhh stop stooopppp.” Hongjoong whined and Seonghwa had the audacity to coo at him. “Weren’t you going to sleep though, Mister?” Hongjoong grumbled. ‘Until some boy got horny on me.’

“You are the one who can’t talk two words without adding three dirty ones in between!” Hongjoong waved a ridiculous hand in the air as if Seonghwa could see it. ‘Is it my fault you can’t resist me?’ Hongjoong fanned his hot face with one hand, though it did nothing to quell his embarrassment, more than embarrassment it was the fact he couldn’t argue that fact back and it made him flustered. “Keep making fun of me, thank you.” Hongjoong opted for the other solution. The guilty card. ‘I’m not making fun of you, I like the fact I have this effect on you.’

“Enjoy it while it lasts.” Once he said the words, their meaning sunk in. There was it, that annoying twist in his chest again. He laughed it off nervously. ‘As long as you do too.’ Curse him and his calm voice. It was quiet now as if exhaustion was now catching up on him, “Go sleep, I dragged this for too long.” Hongjoong poking on his thigh mindlessly, mumbling the words. ‘You didn’t, I enjoyed it.’ Seonghwa assured him and it felt nice, “Yeah… I guess me too…” Hongjoong tried to ignore the intimacy of the moment; it was like both of them dragging on the call when one of them should step up and end it.

“Go sleep now, sweet dreams.” Hongjoong decided that Seonghwa wasn’t about to do it so he would end it himself. ‘Hmm, good night, Hongjoong.’

\---

“Okay let’s find something for you to wear.” Wooyoung was standing in front of his walk-in closet. Remind him why he had told him about the date and details again? Hongjoong sighed tiredly, sprawled on the bed watching Wooyoung fumble about everything happily. He literally knocked at his door the next morning after telling him about it, looking hyper energetic and happier than ever. Where did he come up with that drive even? Poor San.

“I know how to dress, I’m a model for fuck’s sake.” Wooyoung turned around and glared overdramatically at him, picking a designer shoe and throwing it at him. “I’m being the supportive friend everyone wishes for and you keep complaining!” Wooyoung returned to flip through his clothes and Hongjoong let the umpteenth sigh out. Eyeing the phone in hand. His fingers itched to send a message but they had nothing to really talk about. It was still two days ahead.

“What color does he like though?” Wooyoung peaked his head from the closet and Hongjoong frowned, what color? The heck would he know? But then an idea kicked in and he jumped to sit, excitement radiating from him as he typed a message. “I asked you a question jerk.”

“Wait.” Hongjoong beamed at his phone as he typed ‘This is random, but what should I wear for you?’ Hongjoong didn’t notice Wooyoung walking behind him and peaking at his phone. He _squealed._ “You naughty Hyung!” he laughed as he flopped on the bed beside him. Hongjoong didn’t feel like hiding the phone from him as he waited for a reply. “I mean, you asked.”

“Excuses~” Wooyoung sing-sang teasingly. Hongjoong didn’t bother correcting him because both of them knew he was sort of right. “Let’s wait.” It took a while for Seonghwa to reply, Wooyoung busied himself with his phone, Hongjoong saw him search for ‘What do you wear to look fuckable?’ Hongjoong facepalmed. Wooyoung didn’t even notice with how invested he was in the search. Where could he apply for that degree of dedication?

In the middle of his thoughts, his phone beeped and he yelped in surprise. Wooyoung did too which was too funny because it was Hongjoong’s business. Wooyoung sat immediately with eyes wide open. Hongjoong could almost see a wagging tail behind him.

They both had their faces on the phone. Both went quiet when they read the message. A moment of awkward silence on Hongjoong’s part. “What the fuck?” Hongjoong wanted to throw his phone across the room. Wooyoung busted out in laughter as he stopped him from yeeting his phone off. A vein popped out when Wooyoung kept slapping his arm trying to contain it.

‘Naked ig.’ Why did he even bother asking?

‘Okay I’m gonna walk all the way to your house naked.’ He typed furiously, ‘Even drive my car naked since that is what you prefer.’ Wooyoung read the messages and once again, he was hollering in laughter. There were legit tears at the corners of his eyes. Hongjoong hit him with his phone multiple times, “Shut up!” His face was hot. His friend almost blew his ears with his loud ass mouth. “Okay okay stop hitting me I’m sorry.” Wooyoung wheezed as he tried to calm down. Side note, it failed miserably. “Oh god, this is so funny. I don’t know why I’m imagining you driving naked—” Wooyoung had a death wish it seemed but the phone buzzing again stopped them both in their tracks.

‘Or you can lay on your bed prettily like that and wait home for me.’ Hongjoong sat the phone down peacefully, almost in a theatrical way as he took a deep inhale, he pinched the bridge of his nose and scrunched his eyes shut to calm down. Because fuck, he was blushing so hard! And in front of Wooyoung of all people! The catastrophe! He will never hear the end of it!

“Fuck away from me bitch!” Hongjoong kicked Wooyoung off the bed before crawling like a hamster to hide in a small bundle under the covers. He could hear Wooyoung’s grumbling something like ‘I see you fuck on screen this is bullshit’ but he ignored him, he could suck a dick there for all he cared.

‘I still want to dress up for you though…’ Hongjoong cheeks were flushing adorably, small tiny fingers tapping the screen. ‘Anything would look gorgeous on you.’ Hongjoong held the phone to his chest, reasoning with his heart before pulling it away again, still too close to his face. ‘What color do you think suits me best then?’

‘White for you, white so I can ruin it.’ This was terribly unfair. ‘But I personally like black.’

‘Okay mister, I will figure something out for you.’ Hongjoong typed back. 

‘Don’t overdo it, they won’t stay on for long.’ Of course. ‘Then you go and call me horny.’

‘You are, Horny.’ With capitalized H. Hongjoong just couldn’t win an argument, could he?

“He said black or white Woo!” Hongjoong shouted at the man still rediscovering his closet. “A man of taste,” Wooyoung cheered. “I knew I could trust him!” Wooyoung took the next hour throwing clothes at him, he made the living room a runway where he walked and Wooyoung clapped over every outfit he wore, “God Wooyoung, you can’t clap for each one! How are we going to choose!”

“I can’t help it, that bitch nailed the prettiest boy he could get.” Hongjoong instead of being fluttered, smacked his head. “Fluttery won’t get us anywhere now pick a fit.” Wooyoung pouted as he rubbed the smacked spot at the back of his head. “Honestly Hyung, I have zero idea. I took pictures of each one. We can call San and Yeosang and make a poll or something?” Was it that serious? Hongjoong judged him with squinting eyes, “Just how hopeless did y’all think I am?”

Wooyoung stood up, prepared to run when he said “You have no freaking idea.” And he fled the living room before Hongjoong could kick him with his boots. “Wooyoung you asshole!” he shouted helplessly, said boy already robbing his kitchen off food. He grabbed his phone and went through the five outfits he tried on, which, quoting Wooyoung’s words, ‘qualified for the finals’

All of them looked pretty, all of them were provocative yet still public-friendly, ranging from white to dark grey to black, two of them a printed mix of black and white, detailed embroidery and lacy. He sighed. He was already tired, he decided to check on them again later and see if his choice would differ. He couldn’t ask Seonghwa too, part of him wanted it to be a surprise. He wanted to see the expressions on Seonghwa’s face in person.

He wanted to see Seonghwa trail his body with his lustful dark eyes, to check his body from head to toe. To see the change after.

“Wooyoung clean the mess! I’m going to sleep!” Hongjoong left the clothes scattered on the sofa and coffee table, Wooyoung peeking from the kitchen telling him if he chose but he shrugged off, getting naked and dropping on his bed in deep slumber.

\---

“Rise and shine! My. Favorite. Hyung. IN THE WHOLE GODDAMN UNIVERSE!” Hongjoong grabbed the closest pillow beside him and smacked Wooyoung straight in the face across the room. “How did you manage to nail me even!” Wooyoung whined and Hongjoong threw another pillow that he missed, sadly, before burying his face back under the covers, trying his hardest to block his annoying friend’s frustrating voice. He really didn’t want his morning to start like this. He groaned, “Wooyoung if you don’t shut the fuck up I’m changing my passcode number and you can only dream of knowing it.”

Wooyoung giggled as he returned the pillows and sat beside him on the bed, “Hyung it’s finally d-day!” he whispered-yelled. He was so happy like suddenly tonight was new years and he was five years old again.

“Yeah but it isn’t until late afternoon and it’s…” Hongjoong peaked one eye out of the covers to check the time, “Fucking bitch it is not even nine in the morning.” Hongjoong almost cried as he buried his face back in the fluffy pillows.

“Nine is the perfect time! I've been here since seven.”

“Why the fuck are you…?” Hongjoong squinted at him and Wooyoung never looked that much smug before. “Just to make sure everything is ready, I brought a fancy bottle of red wine with me and red roses to decorate your bed.” Hongjoong had conflicted feelings of wanting to coo at him but also question his investment in all of this. “I can help scrub your back—” Hongjoong reached out and smacked him with his sweater paw. “Stop hitting me! This is child abuse.” Wooyoung pursed his lips.

“First, you are a 27 years old grown ass man and I’m tired of your crap but I appreciate the wine.” Wooyoung beamed at him, “So no scrubbing your back?”

“No, I can take a shower myself.” Hongjoong’s eyes strayed behind Wooyoung to the fit hung for him. After a whole struggle, and he hated to admit, a helpful poll in their group chat with his other two friends, they decided on one out of the five.

The fit was black dress pants, black dress shirt with a complete chiffon backside, transparent to allow the delicate chain to hang like a choker around his neck and dangle down along his spine, under the fabric. It would drive Seonghwa insane if he didn’t know better. He went all out for the look, the pieces of jewelry and flower-printed boots. Everything was perfect. To his delight as well, Yeosang offered to come a couple of hours later to do his hair, which was rare and nice since he didn’t get to see the boy often. Yeosang was happy when Wooyoung spilled everything in a group call with him and San so he went out of his way to doll him up.

He didn’t want to admit to the nervousness, but the more time passed, his body buzzed with a mix of excitement and nerves.

He knew nothing could go wrong though. It was one in the afternoon. He was wrapped in his bathrobe when he sent a message for Seonghwa, ‘How you feelin’?’ he waited a little before adding, ‘Are you excited to fuck me?’ he smiled giddily and sat the phone down to continue drying his hair.

Wooyoung was preparing the bedroom for him, he watched him in the reflection of the mirror, humming around pulling the curtains away and opening the windows to freshen the air before he fixed the pillows and even changed the sheets. He sprayed perfume in the air and pulled at the flowers to plunk their petals one by one, happiness radiating from him and Hongjoong felt his heart squeeze in his chest when he saw the boy scattering the petals on the bed and some on the nightstands and the floor. “You didn’t have to go out of your way…”

He turned around to beam at Hongjoong “What do you think?” Hongjoong stared in awe at him, silent for a while until a slight tint of pink shaded Wooyoung’s cheeks and he fumbled with words “D-Don’t look at me like that!” Wooyoung rarely got flustered but it was also rare to witness Hongjoong’s fond looks.

“Thanks Woo, your loud mouth might be annoying, but I couldn’t hope for a better friend.” Wooyoung full-on blushed and what was funnier, the horrified look on his face. “Hyung stoopppp~!” he legit ran out of the room, shouting he was scared and he was about to tell Yeosang to hurry up before something happened to him. Hongjoong pondered the thought of getting up and go kiss the boy to torment him further but decided to spare the spooked kid a little after all he had done for him. He laughed wholeheartedly. This day was nice.

He looked at his phone, still hadn’t buzzed yet. He didn’t think much of it, Seonghwa must have been busy since it was still early for the date. Date? Hongjoong’s cheeks flushed slightly. Wow, he was really subsiding too far from his point. He tried to think it was going to go back to normal tomorrow when everything was over. The thought was depressing but he also didn’t want much more from this instance despite it feeling nice. But whatever, fuck nights supposed to feel this nice.

Yeosang arrived by four pm. Wooyoung threw himself at him at the front door. “What is all this about?” Yeosang chuckled as he patted Wooyoung’s head. “Hyung is creeping me out, I’m scared!” Hongjoong rolled his eyes at the overdramatic boy, “I complimented him an hour ago and he’s been like this since then.” He shrugged but then Yeosang gasped as dramatically. “See!” Wooyoung threw his hands up exaggeratingly as if a point was made, “This is what I told you about!”

“You must be delirious from the thoughts of getting fucked, spare him.” Yeosang hugged Wooyoung protectively. “Seriously guys?” Hongjoong judged them as he grumbled, “Assholes.” Both boys cracked a laugh, breaking the façade, “This is much like you.”

“You both kinky, tell me if insulting you feels good.” Hongjoong returned the favor. “Yikes!” Wooyoung faked a gag and Hongjoong grabbed the remote on the table and aimed it at him, missing it when Yeosang cradled him again.

“Okay we are running short on time, let me doll you up for your man.” Your man… sounded nice. Seonghwa was no one’s man, he felt his pride soar at the thoughts of attaining the unattainable.

They decided to do it in the living room so they wouldn’t ruin Wooyoung’s decorations. Hongjoong seated on the sofa and Yeosang kneeling in front of, a shadow palette in hand and a brush in the other. His jacket thrown aside and sleeves rolled up with a full focus on painting Hongjoong’s eyes. Wooyoung live-streaming the event for San with full on commentary while eating whatever that was in his hands. Hongjoong stopping paying attention to what went inside that mouth the first hour after he woke up.

It took Yeosang more than an hour to finish styling him. The red makeup was gorgeous. His lips were blood red, the sharp black liner fading to red and white glittering highlighter. “It would look amazing with your pale skin and black outfit.” His hair was slicked back, tamed but wild at the back. (2019 MAMA look)

Hongjoong smiled wide, “Thanks Sangie, this looks amazing.” Yeosang was so proud of his work and it showed in his glowing eyes. “You look like a vampire,” Wooyoung added his two cents, “It would be a shame if you didn’t bite him to be honest.” Hongjoong was in a good mood, he laughed to the surprise of the two, “Bet! I will bite the heck outta him.”

“That’s the spirit!” Wooyoung beamed wide, literally vibrating with excitement, “I ordered food, let’s eat. Y’know we shouldn’t let Hyung get fucked on an empty stomach.”

“He would pass out before he gets to cum a second time.” Yeosang teased as he gathered the makeup bag. “Can you both stop bullying me at least for the rest of today?”

“Nope.” Wooyoung stressed the ‘p’, getting their food settled on the table. “This is a rare occasion.” The next thirteen minutes spent eating, Hongjoong totally forgetting to check his phone. It was less than an hour for Seonghwa’s arrival. The boys bid him a stagy goodbye at the front door, Wooyoung close to tears as if his mom sending him off faraway. “Y’know I’m not getting sacrificed or something.” Hongjoong patted Wooyoung’s back, “You sure you won’t livestream it?”

“Nope, shoo shoooo.” Hongjoong pushed him out of the door. “Take care, Hyung.” Yeosang gave him a nod of the head, “You look gorgeous.” He told him before leaving.

It was when the house became empty, the nerves flared in his stomach. The sun was setting off already, he hurried up to wear his clothes but stopped when he noticed the phone on the table in his room forgotten. He was so distracted and busy that he hadn’t checked on it. Suddenly his insides were a jumbled mess, his heart beating and his tummy tossing a ball inside it.

He picked the phone and there was one unopened message from Seonghwa. He didn’t know why his hands were shaking or why his heart was beating out of his chest. He sat in his bathrobe on the edge of the bed and opened it.

‘Can I call?’

The message was vague and scary in a way, a sick feeling in his stomach when he rang the number instead. Ringtones so loud in the empty dim space.

Seonghwa picked up at the second call, ‘Hey.’ he didn’t seem as ecstatic as he imagined him to be. “Hey…” he spoke softly, afraid his voice would shake if he raised it.

‘I’m sorry.’ Hongjoong laughed awkwardly to hide the drop in his chest, “What are you apologizing for?”

Seonghwa spoke softly. His eyes stung hearing the words. He sniffled. 

“… you w-won’t come?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one wasn’t supposed to end here but if I continued as what originally planned it would have got rushed or end up 20k sumthin… so I split it :3
> 
> Some might not know me, but I’m known for my angst and detailed smut so, hehehe  
> This story might be 4-5ch, I will put the chapter count once I’m sure <3  
> Come be my friend on twitter [@RRediKON](https://twitter.com/rredikon) ~ I don’t bite! Maybe? hehe  
> Don’t forget to leave kudos and comments! Love you!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just when I thought this one couldn’t get anymore dirty *insert sad face* add a lot of Hongjoong pouting Hongjoong biting his lips. Enjoy~

**Scene Three**

  
  


“Y-You aren’t gonna come?” Hongjoong’s chest crumbled and he felt the sting in his eyes. He wasn’t coming. Seonghwa wasn’t.

‘I’m sorry, I had something urgent to attend to.’ Seonghwa spoke quietly, calmly and Hongjoong’s disappointment bubbled into irritation. He felt angry that all he’s prepared hard for now gone to waste. “You should have told me!” he yelled into the phone, more than anger it felt frustrating, he hated how his voice shook and how worked up he was about all of this. “I prepared everything for you! And you cancel what?” Hongjoong looked at the time, “Twenty minutes to the fuckin’ night!” Hongjoong whipped furiously on his cheeks, refused to admit to the wetness. He couldn’t even wipe his eyes with all the makeup! 

“Just say you don’t want me and fuckin’ go!” he blew, throat closing up after the words suffocatingly. Silence followed on both ends, it edged him and his heart beat faster in apprehension. It slowly started to sink in on him. What the fuck was he doing? Was he seriously yelling because a  _ stranger  _ canceled a fuck night with him? Seonghwa wasn’t obligated to begin with, why was he acting like a date stood him up? Yes, he was frustrated his preparation got wasted but he had no rights to act so childish. But now he couldn’t take it back. What if Seonghwa found him annoying? Or worse, told him to fuck off instead? He gnawed on his lips nervously.

‘My boss called, the representative of the French branch fell sick and was admitted into hospital and I had to fill her spot immediately. I was booked a flight and told to leave within the same day.’ Hongjoong’s breath hitched. He listened, dumbfounded for one, the reason, the fact Seonghwa had urgent matters and he stood him up for a legit reason. And instead of worrying about him and asking if anything bad had happened he yelled in his face childishly. Second, the fact he was explaining when he could just shut the phone in his face after treating him this rudely. ‘I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.’ The apology was the final smack to his face.

“Stop, don’t apologize.” Guilt cloaked him “Why are you apologizing? It’s not like you are obligated or at fault.” Hongjoong felt uncomfortable with the apologies, which made him embarrassed of his sudden outburst and attitude. ‘We had an agreement, you prepared everything.’

“I know… but…” Hongjoong trailed off as he stared at his outfit that he didn’t get to wear and wasn’t about to. He sniffled. ‘And it seems... I made you cry.’

“I’m n-not…” Hongjoong inhaled shakily, he was just frustrated and disappointed and, maybe if he hadn’t spent the whole past couple days preparing and anticipating this night he wouldn’t be as disheartened. “It’s fine, it’s not like you can help it…” Hongjoong mumbled as he scooted back on the bed, leaned on the headboard and pressed his knees to his chest. The flowers petals scattered around him made his eyes sting again. He laid the phone on speaker and poked on one petal with his tiny finger. 

‘I wanted to see you, see how you prepared yourself for me.’ Seonghwa seemed as disheartened as he was, even though he tried not to show it. It somewhat made it feel less shitty. “I prepared a lot,” Hongjoong pouted as he looked around him. “My friend went out of his way to scatter flower petals on the bed even!” Seonghwa chuckled, “I’m literally sitting on a bed with roses—don’t laugh!” Hongjoong whined. “And my other friend put on perfect makeup for me and did my hair y’know and, and,” Hongjoong fumbled with words as he motioned vaguely with his hand as if Seonghwa could see him. “I took extra care of my body? Took the trouble of putting lotion and creams from head to toes, I legit never felt so soft before y’know?” Hongjoong rubbed a mindless hand along his smooth leg peeking from the bathrobe. 

“Talking about toes, I did my nails too on both hands and feet.” Hongjoong hadn’t realized yet he was sniffling while recounting for Seonghwa, how Seonghwa was silently listening to him reciting everything. “It took me four days to decide an outfit for you... I was a-about to wear it but…” 

‘Shush… keep it for when I come back,’ Seonghwa tried to comfort him but everything around him was taunting and he was being foolish and emotional. He couldn’t really blame it on anything but he was really excited, actually it’s been a long time since he last felt this genuine excitement and he felt like a small kid who was just told Santa Clause didn’t exist and Christmas was canceled. 

“When are you coming back?” He whipped his eyes carefully to not smudge anything. Yeosang worked so hard on it, he felt bad that it might get ruined not even an hour later. He might as well snap a few selfies first. 

‘I don’t know, unless they find someone to fill in, I need to stay.’ Hongjoong sighed, still toying with the petals mindlessly. After a moment of silence, not knowing what to say, “This sucks,” he grumbled. 

‘Show me.’ Hongjoong’s heart jumped. “What?” he inhaled.

‘Open a cam and show me what you prepared. Isn’t it one of the things you are practiced with?’ Hongjoong’s heart drummed in his ears and his face flushed, “But you are tired? Didn’t you take a flight today?”

‘I returned to the hotel half an hour ago. Get up now and stop crying.’ Seonghwa’s voice almost scolding, Seonghwa never scolded him before. ‘I’m gonna make you cum as good as a compensation.’ Calm down Hongjoong calm down, “W-Wait, let me set the cam,” why was he already trembling that much?

‘Just use your phone, lean it on a surface and put airpods on.’ Actually that was a good idea. “Okay, wait for me.” Hongjoong mumbled as he did as told before opening the phone camera, his cheeks red and eyes a little classy from previous tearing up, it took him a bit of courage to meet Seonghwa’s eyes on the screen. ‘You look gorgeous.’ Seonghwa breathed and his face grew hotter, a shy hand tucking a nonexistent loose strand of hair behind his ear. Seonghwa’s black eyes were intense and focused on him, he was in a white formal shirt, probably there was a necktie that got abandoned and replaced by a couple opened buttons. Seonghwa’s chest showing from the shirt, hair slightly messy as if he had ran his hand through it before. He looked as hot as ever.

“Let me show you,” Hongjoong got up and flipped the camera to show him the bed, “These the flowers where you should have been fucking me on by now.” Hongjoong bit his lip and Seonghwa’s lips tugged up, smiling at his bashfulness, “It smells nice here too, Wooyoung sprayed half my perfume bottle now the room smells strongly like me.”

‘It must be smelling nice then,’ the flirt. “How would you know, you have to smell it first.” Hongjoong buffed his cheeks in a pout. ‘I did, when you pressed your small body against mine, that night.’

“You smelled me?” he didn’t think Seonghwa was paying him attention that night at all? ‘When you buried your face in my shoulder, yeah. You smelled immaculate.’ His heart squeezed, god he wanted him here so badly. He shook the sad feeling away as he moved on to stand in front a full-length mirror. “I was supposed to wear the outfit but now I’m just in my bathrobe.” Hongjoong tried to show him, propping his leg out of the robe’s slit. He ran a hand from his smooth thighs down his ankles, “It’s… so soft,” he giggled.

‘Bitable.’

“W-What?” Hongjoong sputtered; his face probably red now. ‘I would bite those thick thighs of yours, they look so inviting.’ And he imagined it, gripped in Seonghwa’s tight holds, skin between his teeth, littered with bruises and colorful marks. “Who would allow you to bite me even?” Of course he would decide to be difficult instead. 

‘Thought you liked it rough, you said to eat you too.’ The way Seonghwa spoke, nonchalantly with a smirk, as if they were discussing morning news on a cup of tea. Except, Hongjoong was Horny. “Y-Yeah I… did?”

‘Such a baby,’ Seonghwa breathed in wonder, ‘The way I wanna fuck that virtuous look off your face.’ Sexy. 

“You need to be careful though, I bruise fast,” Hongjoong teased, ‘Is that your way of telling me to treat you gently?’ He blushed, scowling adorably “Why, do I have to ask you for that too?” 

‘No baby, I know how to treat a pretty boy when I see one.’ The arrogance, he huffed “None of them were  _ me. _ ” Why was he feeling annoyed that Seonghwa was comparing him to his previous fuck boys. This was a fuck night too, but he was too self-indulgent to want to be treated differently. Special.

‘Needy, aren’t you? Don’t worry, I’m gonna fuck you until your inner spoiled brat is satisfied.’ A shiver rocked his body, fingers twitched. Every retort flew out of the window. 

Hongjoong sat on the edge of the bed, flipped the camera so it showed his face close instead of the one reflected on the mirror. Hongjoong smiled softly. Seonghwa went quiet, staring at him in wonder, ‘So beautiful,’ he looked enchanted. “You like my makeup? Look at my hair.” Hongjoong tilted his head down to show it before he lifted it and beamed at him. “My friend did it, what do you think?”

‘I think I wanna kiss that mouth,’ Hongjoong was silenced, tongue stuck and he gulped, ‘Really wanna kiss it, bite it.’ Hongjoong mindlessly bit his lip. ‘Yeah… just like how you do it like that, but with my tongue in between.’ Hongjoong’s toes curled, a shudder rocked his body. “T-Talk… Talk more to me… like that.” He looked underneath his lashes, cheeks a lovely pink shade.

‘Set the camera first and get on the bed for me.’ Hongjoong did as told, didn’t put the phone far away so he could still see Seonghwa, airpods made his voice clearer, like asmr whispered in his ears.

“I’m ready…” Hongjoong whispered as he leaned back on the pillows, eyes fluttering and face hot. ‘Slide that robe off for me baby, show me your body,’ the command rang in his ears, Seonghwa’s voice low and persuasive. His hand trembled as they undone the robe and slide it off, his body fully naked and in display for the camera. ‘Gorgeous, already hard hmm?’

“H-How can I not?” Hongjoong whined, cock swollen and resting on his hip. He spread his legs wider for Seonghwa obscenely, blush high on his cheek already ‘Imagining me there between your legs baby?’ 

“Yes, with your hands all over me.” His voice strangled, “Holding my cock in your hand…” Hongjoong circled his cock, squeezing it and he moaned, ‘You have to go slow baby, the night is still too young,’ Seonghwa spoke languidly. “What should I do for you then?” Hongjoong groaned, not knowing where to leave his hands when he wasn’t touching his painful hard cock.

‘Spread your legs more,’ Hongjoong did, ‘want to watch you play with yourself, suck your fingers in those pretty lips.’ Seonghwa’s voice dark and commanding. Hongjoong obligated, parted his lips and fitted three fingers in, drool slipping the side of his mouth as he slurped on them, ‘Good boy, look at me now.’ Hongjoong did, chest hurting with how hard his heart drummed, body moving with the rise and fall of it ‘Now I want you to open yourself, give me a show.’ Hongjoong took his fingers off, tongue resting out on his lower lip when he trailed them down and carefully pressed on his clenching hole. He gasped softly, fully focused as he pushed one inside. The stretch easy with his small finger, he still panted heavily knowing he was pleasing another. The fact this time the show was solely for one person and it was Seonghwa made it more blazing and hot. 

‘Slip another.’ Hongjoong compelled, his other hand fisted the mattress and he whined as the second finger filled him. He slowly thrust them, the angle was cramping his arm but he wanted to find his spot quick, ‘your fingers small,’ Seonghwa mused, ‘your hole would stretch further around mine.’ He bristled sinfully, taunting him that he wasn’t there and he could do better. 

Hongjoong whined “Would stretch more around your hard cock,  _ daddy _ .” It was supposed to mock him, to come out spiteful. But when he took a glance, Seonghwa’s eyes darkened, his hand messing his hair further as he leaned back on the couch he sat on.

‘If only I was between your legs, daddy would press your small body to the bed, bite every space of your skin, thrust my fingers deep until you become a crying mess.’ Hongjoong moaned, fingers pushing deeper, rubbing at his walls desperately, his toes curled, ‘Daddy gonna treat you just right, like how a spoiled baby should,’ Seonghwa whispered, ‘Give you my cock and cum and bet you want it in your mouth too, choke on it.’ 

“Yes! Y-Yes H-Hwa!” Hongjoong’s back arched, rocking his hips down hard in hopes of finding his spot. Seonghwa chuckled sinisterly, ‘Can’t find it? Want daddy to find it for you? Would you bend your ass up for me to search inside.’ Hongjoong shuddered, imagining himself on fours, wiggling his ass for Seonghwa to pay it attention. And he did, Hongjoong moved so he would be crawling on four, spine a beautiful arch and ass in display. He swore Seonghwa’s breath hitched at the view. It soared his pride and he lowered his face to the mattress, moaning lewdly as he craned his neck and looked sideways at the camera, eyes glossed and lashes wet, he stuck his tongue out and lapped on his fingers again, spit slithering down messily but he didn’t care. One look at Seonghwa’s parted mouth was enough for him to slip his fingers out with a sort of fake high pitched whine and return his fingers to his clenching hole. 

He pushed his ass more up, three fingers slipping in, he spread them and the stretch pulled a luscious moan out of him. He buried his face in the mattress, hips and thighs trembling and spreading wider, he thought it might be too much and he would collapse into the bed. 

He whined frustratingly when he still couldn’t find his spot, he cried to the sheets “I-I ahh… my fingers small Hwa… H-Hwa I can’t reach it please hnngg…” Seonghwa’s voice cooed in his ears, his body shivered and a whimper escaped him. ‘My poor baby… ahh… if only I was there to pleasure you lovely,’ Hongjoong might as well cum from the seductiveness, he peered up at the camera with pleading eyes, big and glazed “ _ daddy please _ …” he wiggled his ass, lip pulled between teeth. “Daddy I wanna touch m-myself ahh… hngg please look…” Hongjoong showed him his leaking cock, painfully red and pegging for attention “It hurts… ahh…” 

‘Ufff… daddy would have sucked the cum out of you…’ Seonghwa taunted, Hongjoong cried as he lowered his body a little, hoping to grind on the mattress but Seonghwa chided him, ‘No touching, since you are already grinding, cum on your sheets like that.’ Hongjoong whimpered but didn’t object, anything to get himself off. It was almost humiliating at first when he thrust slowly to the mattress, soiling it already with precum. Seonghwa ordering him to keep his eyes on the camera and Hongjoong did with teary ones, the rough friction driving him crazy as he humped the mattress, a series of cries and whimpers tumbling off his red lips, drool soaking the sheets as he fisted it in his small hands. 

The pressure in his lower belly intensified and so did Seonghwa’s calculated eyes. The attention burning his skin and sweat dumped his body and hair. “Hwaa… hwa… ahh…” Seonghwa didn’t reply him and he whined “Daddy hngg… daddy…”

‘Hmm baby? Need anything?’ Seonghwa seemed lost in a trance, eyes misted and he could barely make out his wet lips and his hair slightly stuck to his forehead in sweat. He looked so affected and it gave Hongjoong a rush of pleasure, making his hips stutter but still he rocked it down. “Yes daddy hngg… daddy ‘need you…” Hongjoong’s eyes teared up at the unbearable pressure, gasped silently as he urged his hips to move more “p-praise m-me… praise me p-please hnggg…” He squeezed his eyes tight and few tears slipped out. “T-Tell me ’m good hngg… ’m good a-an’ pretty ahh…” 

Seonghwa cooed at him ‘oh what a lovely boy, want my praises? Want daddy to tell you how gorgeous you are?’ Hongjoong opened his eyes to peer at him “y-yes please, p-please praise me!” He choked on his spit, it drooled down in a mess. 

‘Baby so beautiful when he asks for what he wants, you make me painfully hard.’ Hongjoong wanted to see but couldn’t voice it, losing his rhythm in frantic humping, ‘your pretty fucked out face, desperate… oh so desperate moves, they turn me on; your flushed skin and messy hair and  _ god _ I want to kiss those bitten lips.’ Seonghwa almost growled the last line, ‘everything about you is goddamn magnificent I want it in my bed.’ A single thought of being nakedly splayed on Seonghwa’s bed and getting fucked senseless was all it took for Hongjoong to finally let go and orgasm so hard. He spilled under him, hips stuttering and body spasming beautifully before it settled down, still lying on his stomach. His body kept heaving hard with soft puffs of air. 

His chest hurt with how wild his heart was beating ‘So lovely, you done so good baby…’ Hongjoong basked in the praise, oh how he loved to be told he was everything good and beautiful. He tilted his eyes to the camera with a soft smile. He glowed. 

“You said you are hard for me…” Hongjoong slurred the words. Seonghwa smiled lopsidedly ‘Yes baby, still so hard.’

“S-Show me… wanna see it… see you cum…” the heat returned to his face and his eyes fluttered. 

‘You wanna see this?’ Seonghwa tilted the camera down and Hongjoong gasped. Now lifted on his knees with his still trembling hands fisting the sheets between them. He gawked and Seonghwa laughed huskily. 

Seonghwa seemed to still be in his work suit, yeah he saw the shirt but the way he was still in his dress pants, how the material tugged on his thick thighs when parted, the leather belt unbuckled and his dick out of the undone zipper. Seonghwa not bothered with taking anything off. 

Hongjoong ogled with interest. The way Seonghwa’s veiny hand circled his hard and well, also veiny cock. It was thick and long. Well not too long but too long for his hand and Hongjoong’s small frame. He swallowed a moan as he chewed on his lip. The drop of precum Seonghwa purposefully squeezed out of his swollen head urged Hongjoong to mindlessly stick his tongue out and lick his lips. 

Yes, he had seen dicks before and nudes’ pictures. However, goddammit, there was something so assertive and alluring about the foreboding demeanor Seonghwa displayed, the languid laid back posture, the rolled up sleeves showing the veins in his arms, the black pants and leather and the heavy wristwatch and rings on the big veiny hand rubbing his length. It got him salivating. Somehow, everything about Seonghwa seemed tempting and delicious. From his face down to his cock and cum. 

Hongjoong embarrassingly, never before felt like sucking a cock as much as right now. ‘You seem to like it so much baby.’ Seonghwa wiggled his cock in his hand teasingly. His own spent one twitched in interest. He blushed with a pout, buffing his cheeks “I just happened to think of… y’know… kneeling on the floor between your knees and take your dick deep in my throat.” Hongjoong was giving him a payback for the dirty talk. The way Seonghwa’s hand flexed around the head of his cock was enough approval. ‘Hmm… your mouth would look stunning choking around it.’ Seonghwa squeezed up and down his length lazily. What a tease. “Yeah… with you fisting my hair… losing it and fucking into my mouth.”

‘I like that… your tear and spit stained face,’ Seonghwa’s voice dropped down, dangerous. ‘I would cum on your face and watch you lick it clean, my dirty baby...’

Hongjoong’s cock throbbed; his thighs trembled “Ahh… daddy…” Hongjoong’s lashes fluttered, a drop of sweat rolled down his sharp nose and he tried to rub his knees together for a friction. ‘Did I get you hard again, lovely?’ 

Hongjoong groaned, embarrassment making heat spread throughout his body, he panted “Yeah… want your cock… want you to fuck me… hnngg… ahh…” Hongjoong rubbed his length between his thighs, eyes glazing and he darted his tongue out to lick his lips; imagining Seonghwa’s cum there and he was tasting it. 

Seonghwa’s thighs flexing made his head run wild, all he could think of was riding them with Seonghwa’s hands all over his writhing body “Wanna sit on your lap, w-wanna grind on your thigh… ahh… let me cum on your expensive suit hnng…”

‘Already a mess,’ Hongjoong groaned, “Yes! I wanna cum again, make me cum again!” he whined, flopping on his back and spreading his arms and legs wide, the view obscene and salacious. Hongjoong didn’t care, he might as well drive Seonghwa insane like this. He did when Seonghwa growled deep in his throat and the sound traveled straight to his throbbing cock, “Do you want me? Want all of this?” Hongjoong probed his knees up and drily inserted two fingers in, his back arching sinfully, sweat sliding off the glimmering skin and his head pushed back, hair a mess around it.

‘Is this how you always treat your viewers?’ Seonghwa bit almost too sharply, ‘Is this how you spread yourself for them?’ Hongjoong let slip a broken moan, “N-No! No! This is for you! H-Hwa!” his voice was broken and desperate, because that was the truth. “All of this show is o-only for you!” He never wrecked himself for his viewers, never put himself out this vulnerably aside the last time he did and it was also for Seonghwa. Everything was to please Seonghwa, to lure him, to attract him to this small sinful body. It was all a ploy of seduction. He wanted him, he wanted to be fucked by him and him only. He wanted to quench the thirst inside, his big ego who seeks validation by succeeding in attaining the unattainable. 

‘Is my cock that you want so much?’ he taunted and Hongjoong shuddered, “A-All of you! Wan’ you! Your hands, your mouth, your cock your cum i-in me!” 

‘Ah… Hongjoong, the things you are doing to me…’ Hongjoong moaned at the breathlessness in Seonghwa’s gruff voice. He turned his face to the camera, eying the man on the other side of the screen with tearful eyes, he sniffled, “Still can’t reach it… want to reach it…” Hongjoong’s hips shaking.

‘Go get your toys boy,’ Seonghwa eased, ‘you have them for a reason, your daddy wanna watch you play with them.’ Hongjoong pulled his fingers out with a wince, resting back on the mattress to take a breath. He barely reached for the nightstand drawer, pulling out scented lube and the toys Wooyoung brought for him. He took the vibe before returning to the bed. 

“How do you want me?” he spoke softly, ‘Put the vibe in and sit on it.’ Hongjoong bit his lip, he lubed the toy before doing a lazy job on his hole, he got on his knees facing Seonghwa, keeping his wet eyes on the screen when he lowered himself on the toy, body shuddering and moans spilling off his lips. One hand went through his hair, pulling the dump strands off his forehead, it showed his red cheeks and glassy eyes clearly and Seonghwa praised them. 

‘Go all the way down, doll.’ Hongjoong whined at the new nickname. Oh how nice to be called a doll, a pretty doll. He truly resembled one, with sleek pale skin and the petite body, the flushed face and makeup with his bright hair. A gorgeous fuckable doll.

Hongjoong threw his head back, “Doll… your doll… toy with me please—ah!” he slid fully on the vibe and he felt it in his lower belly, stretching him and pressing against his sensitive spot. Tears surfaced his eyes and he braced himself on his hands between his knees to calm himself a bit. His body shuddered as he bounced on it a few times before he turned the vibe on and a melody of his high-pitched moans filled the hot space “Hwa h-hwa—! Daddy!” Seonghwa grunted, “Hngg… fuck me, god… fuck your pretty doll! Need you!” Hongjoong cried as tears wetted his cheeks, his back trembling with the rough vibrations, couldn’t still himself, his hips and thighs shaking, pleasure insane as cum leaked out.

‘You believe I won’t?’ Seonghwa words in his ears gave him chills, dark and menacing. As if losing it too, he gritted, ‘You believe if I got a chance I wouldn’t wreck you?’ He almost growled ‘Make you fucking scream so loud, cry so loud as I pound you to the bed deep and rough,’ Seonghwa spoke aggressively. ‘You would beg doll, and I would give you more, much more than you begged for, daddy would let you cum so much, make a dirty mess of yourself, imagine how it would feel when I cum in you, making you so full  _ Hongjoong. _ ’

“Hwa… Hwa I wan’ you wan’ you wan’ you pl-ease hngg… wan’ you…” Hongjoong pressed down hard on the vibe, a wild scream surging of him, hands unstably shaking, mouth blabbering, wet cheeks and flushed skin. He was totally losing it.

‘Want you too, look at me.’ Hongjoong couldn’t look, couldn’t when he felt delirious and dizzy, vision blurring from the intense shakes inside him. He pressed a weak hand on his lower belly and he felt it there, he inhaled shakily, drool down his chin and tears hot and wet. ‘Look what you've done doll, didn’t you want to see me cum for you?’

Hongjoong urged himself to open his eyes, panting heavily as he peeked close, leaning forward but the changed angle made him scream “Daddy! H-Hwa! Gonna cum, it hurts, hurts h-hurts hnggg…ahh!” he looked at the camera and he was in time to see Seonghwa fisting his hard cock fast and tight. He got distracted, focused on Seonghwa’s movement. He gasped softly when Seonghwa cummed on his hand and all over his pants and shirt, kept cumming so much as he milked it all. Seonghwa moaned low, Hongjoong lost his mind at the broken sound. He couldn’t hold it when he cummed along him, body shaking and cries falling off his parted soft lips.

He stumbled to turn off the vibe. When he did, he flopped on his back, body feeling weightless and exhausted. “Hwa…” he whimpered, ‘Yes baby…’ Seonghwa's honey voice whispered in his ear, low and smooth. He appreciated it for he couldn’t handle any hard sensations. He grabbed the phone so he could look at Seonghwa close. He panted softly as he rubbed the stains off his face, adjusting his body so the plug wouldn’t press too hard inside him.

He curled sideways, a wide fucked out smile spread on his face, “I watched you cum.” He giggled. Oh, a fucked out Hongjoong might as well be considered a filter-less drunk Hongjoong. ‘Does it make you this happy?’ Hongjoong beamed childishly; “Yep!” He chirped. He was definitely spent, a few clouds up high maybe. Seonghwa chuckled adoringly.

He seemed to move around “What are you doin’?” Hongjoong’s eyes were wide and curious. Seonghwa tilted the camera down to show him the now unbuttoned shirt displaying his toned abs and chest, a bit of his half falling unbuckled belt and pants. He gasped scandalously “Yum!” he giggled again. Seonghwa sighed with a shake of his head, ‘you are definitely done for.’ Camera still showed Hongjoong when Seonghwa slid the pants to the floor and so he did the shirt.

“Too late to undress for me now daddy, y’know.” Hongjoong buffed his flushed cheeks in a pout, the ‘daddy’ said as a tease “My cock is totally spent.”

‘Daddy would have pulled another orgasm out of you if I was there.’ Hongjoong moaned, “Meanie!” Seonghwa chuckled. Hongjoong watched him from awkward angles putting his clothes aside before he climbed the bed and slipped under the sheets naked. “You sleep naky?” Hongjoong wondered. ‘Why? Want to join?’ What a teaser, Seonghwa smirked at the cam. It was too close; Hongjoong could see every detail, even his thick dark lashes, the glimmers in his eyes, the slide of his perfect nose and his natural red lips. He didn’t notice he was staring until Seonghwa hummed, ‘aren’t you sleepy?’

“Exhausted would fit more.” Hongjoong still stared boldly, in a total daze. Seonghwa was so handsome. How could he be so handsome? Like so freaking perfect. His chest hurt, in a weird uncomfortable way. Staring into his eyes like this for couple minutes got his heart tingling, actually all his body was tingling with fluttering feelings. His heart should stop palpating for real. But how could that be possible when none of them broke the trance between their eyes?

‘Go sleep now,’ Hongjoong blinked at him, “No, stay.” He didn’t want to feel alone yet. He still wanted a presence beside him. He hated being left alone after fuck nights. An ugly feeling in his chest that might have appeared in his eyes in a desperate plea. “Stay… until I fall asleep, you can go after,” he averted his eyes, chewing on his lip as a pained look painted his cheerful after-sex persona, “I won’t take long, p-promise.” His eyes stung. Why suddenly so emotional. Why suddenly remembering how awful it felt to be left alone after sex nights. He didn’t want Seonghwa to leave.

‘Shush… calm down baby, I will keep the line on for you.’ Oh how sweet. Sweet in a stinging way that glazed his eyes. His chest fluttered in an overwhelming surge. That was why he didn’t like to invest in love affairs or surrender his body. The weak side of himself he despised the most but Seonghwa seemed to pull out of him so easily. He would only get himself attached to the attention and affection so fast, start to get greedy and crave it until he gets left wounded on his own by the end of all this mess. 

What the fuck was he doing? Why was he walking straight into it willingly?

He took a shaky inhale, “Thank you.” He mumbled faintly.

Even when he was supposed to fall asleep then, he just couldn’t even when both fell quiet for a while.

Why did it feel like Seonghwa was beside him and he could just scoot closer and crawl and sleep atop him. The urge to be held so strong, his neediness after sex coming back full force and he couldn’t get a blink.

‘Sleep.’ Seonghwa’s raspy voice freaked him out and he yelped, chest drumming, “H-How did you know I’m still awake?”

‘You tend to snore when you sleep, or that’s what I heard last time you fell asleep on the call.’ Hongjoong blushed, bashfully rubbing his face in the pillow as he muffled “Was it annoying?” Seonghwa hummed, ‘actually it was soft, more like a lullaby.’

“My snores a lullaby?” Hongjoong chuckled, shrugging the tightness in his chest, “Aww.” He bustled a lovely laugh. Even though there was no cam now just an audio call, Hongjoong could imagine a smile on Seonghwa’s perfect lips. ‘Such a kid, aren’t you going to sleep now or what?’ It felt like a parent trying to get their brat asleep, and Hongjoong sure was one, he kicked his feet on the mattress but suddenly winced because of the plug. “W-Wait, lemme take the vibe out.” He did and sighed in relief “Better.”

‘Great,’ Seonghwa’s voice dropped low, as if fighting sleep. Hongjoong suddenly remembered that last night he had a flight, work, and tiresome phone sex.

“Daddy is tired, go sleep.” He jokingly called him a daddy, muffled a giggle after. Oh how annoying he was. ‘Did you take a liking to calling me your daddy?’ Seonghwa mused humorously, “You actually look like one to be honest.” Hongjoong thought about it for a second and it was like ‘daddy’ was imprinted to the man, especially his characteristic and demeanor. “This is the first time I call someone my daddy though.”

‘Sounds lovely out of your mouth.’ Hongjoong blushed, “Geez, I said it teasingly at first y’know, but you seemed to like it so much so I stuck with it.”

‘And now you like it too,’ he hated how right he was, but couldn’t admit he liked calling him daddy, “Only during sex, mayhaps?”

‘Deal, now I need you to be quiet so I can sleep,’ Seonghwa spoke drowsily, it was the most warm and beautiful sound he had ever heard, ‘I have work in three hours, so be a good boy and sleep too.’

“…’kay!” Seonghwa groaned. Hongjoong giggled, “Sorry, I will be a good boy now, sweet dreams Hwa.”

‘Night, baby.’

-

Hongjoong stirred to the sound of his phone ringing. When he blinked his eyes, it was already past afternoon. He picked up with all thoughts it was just Wooyoung checking on him like how he always did.

“Hey…” he slurred as he crawled back under the covers, aware of his nakedness and dried liquids on his body as he laid on his stomach. He was too groggy to care, ‘Doll still sleeping?’

“Hmm… jus’ woke up…” it was after the husky chuckle on the other line did he comprehend it wasn’t Wooyoung’s voice on the phone, it was the man getting him off the night before instead. “S-Seonghwa?” he lifted himself off the pillows, heart already drumming for indefinite reasons. ‘Yes doll, it’s Seonghwa. Did last night melt your brain that much?’ he joked; voice alight and he could hear the smile in it. It did many unreasonable things to his chest. Happiness was one of them.

He laid a hand above his heart, “Why are you calling?” he frowned. ‘Should I have not?’

“N-No, I mean… that’s not what I meant.” He rubbed on his chest pacifyingly, the tingles making him giddy. Seonghwa’s light chuckles once again filtered his ears. As if entertained by Hongjoong’s flustered self, he mused ‘Called to see if you are feeling okay after last night.’ Seonghwa spoke attentively. ‘How are you feeling about it? Hongjoong.’ Hongjoong blushed; face uncomfortably warm. How should he voice it out without seeming like a kid with the fattest crush on the man? It was already so embarrassing and he knew he would fumble and stutter the words out once he spoke them.

“Good… I-I guess? I mean, I just woke up?” he hesitated, “Sure I need a necessary shower but all is good.”

‘Great, content?’ Hongjoong frowned, “What is with these questions, it’s not like I never got off with someone before.”

Seonghwa hummed; a ghost of a laugh in his breath, ‘I know, but you seemed distressed last night when I couldn’t make it.’ Why such a gentleman. Hongjoong wanted to yell but he was blushing too, so hard. “Don’t worry, yesterday was fun.” He assured him, “I still want the real deal though!” Seonghwa laughed fully now, the sound so beautiful and breathtaking. It rubbed Hongjoong off his breath. ‘Sure baby, once I’m back you will have me.’ A daring glint to the words, yet it was so sexy. Oh, he was so whipped. Officially. “Better not stand me up then.”

‘You wouldn’t let me live that up anytime soon would you?’ Hongjoong whistled, “I will remind you of it at any given chance.”

‘Spiteful.’ Hongjoong giggled. The little evil minion. “Hey, before you leave…” Hongjoong trailed off, wrapped the sheets tighter around his body. Seonghwa hummed, “Tell me when you come back… y’know?” he sounded unsure of how he worded it. Seonghwa would understand him he knew. ‘Sure, it will be a while, but I will set a date before I return.’

“Sounds great…” Hongjoong didn’t want to end the call, but he knew they didn’t have anything else to check on. ‘Okay then, I should go shower now and head to work.’

“Bye…” he mumbled quietly, lower lip probed out in a pout Seonghwa couldn’t see but probably hear in his sudden sullen tone. “Bye, Hongjoong.”

Hongjoong sulked, he knew he was a needy spoiled big boy who craved many things and always got them for himself. It just happened right now he wanted Seonghwa and he was the furthest away from him. “Ughh! So annoying!” Hongjoong muffled a frustrated scream in his pillow. When he pulled his face off with its all messy hair and flushed cheeks. He was met with Wooyoung peeking his head from the slightly jarred door. 

“The fuck you are doing?” Wooyoung screeched dramatically as if being caught in crime before bolting away. “Told you to not snoop!” That was definitely San whisper-shouting at him behind the door, “B-But! Don’t hit me!” 

“What if you ruined a moment by sneaking on them!” San scolded him and Hongjoong never felt so proud before. He laughed as he listened more, intrigued by his couple of friends bantering. “Hongjoong Hyung is alone though?”

“Huh?” San peeked from the door only to meet Hongjoong’s eyes staring back at him. Hongjoong quirked an eyebrow and San cracked a sheepish smile, “Morning?” 

Wooyoung pushed aside the door and dashed in. He looked around the room before glaring at Hongjoong. “What?” Hongjoong wrapped his naked body in the sheets. “Where is he? Did he seriously just fucked you and left?” Wooyoung scowled. Oh what a nice view when Wooyoung god mad and protective. “Asshole.”

“Hey! Calm down.” San slid a hand around Wooyoung’s neck, rubbing it calmingly. The affectionate gesture reduced Wooyoung’s flaring to a pout. Wooyoung looked at him with puppy eyes. “I’m just feeling bad for…” Wooyoung’s eyes returned to Hongjoong’s and dammit he hated those pitying stares.

“Listen Woo,” Wooyoung flinched at the tone, “First, this time is different, I asked for it. It’s not like those previews… y’know, so don’t mix it up.” Oh god, how difficult was it voicing it out, not to mention thinking about it. “But he also left just like that! He didn’t even stay for you until you woke up!” 

“He didn’t even come.” The silence that followed was almost uncomfortable. San not knowing how to react, and Wooyoung’s eyes wide shocked and mouth gaping. “What do you mean he didn’t come?” he whispered as he looked around the room again. He noticed Hongjoong’s outfit was still ironed and hung the same as he left it.

This was going to be a wearisome conversation. Hongjoong sighed, “He didn’t come yeah, he had work and stuff to do—”

“He could have told you! You prepared so good for him!  _ We  _ prepared so good for this!” Hongjoong wanted to get annoyed but how could he? No one cared about him as much as Wooyoung did. He could see it in the frustration and sadness in his eyes. He would probably end up crying soon if he worked himself more about it. That was just how Wooyoung cared about him, about his well being. Especially those past years when things almost ruined him. Wooyoung became overly protective of him, extremely monitoring his both mental and physical health as if afraid he would collapse into another of his depressing episodes.

“He stood you up!” Hongjoong smiled softly, shook his head slowly “He didn’t, he called me, actually I gave him a private show yesterday.” Hongjoong chuckled. Wooyoung was confused, looked dumbfounded, “We fucked on the phone if that makes it feel better?” San cracked a laugh and the mood lifted up a bit, “So much for being a camboy.” 

Wooyoung scowled, “That fuckface, who does he think he is to get his personalized camboy!” that made Hongjoong crackle, his laughter filled up the place it made his eyes teary. “Oh god, nice one Woo, I’m throwing it in his face next time.” Hongjoong wiped at the corners of his eyes.

“Next time?” San whistled. It earned him an elbow jap in the ribs from Wooyoung, “You shut up! Don’t support this!” Wooyoung fumed before turning back to Hongjoong. “And you mister! What the fuck next time! He doesn’t deserve everything you are doing for him!” 

“Aww, my protective lil’ Woo~” Wooyoung dramatically screeched, “No! Don’t go sweet and soft on me, you creep!” Both San and Hongjoong broke into laughter, because nothing disgusted Wooyoung more than affectionate Hongjoong. “Ew ew ew!” Wooyoung gagged when Hongjoong made grabby hands asking for a hug, knowing fully well Wooyoung would sprint out the room yelling in which he did. San shook his head with a helpless smile, “Listen,” San turned his head to Hongjoong, suddenly serious under the light tone.

“I might know just the gist of what happened to you years back, but if he did any of it to you I won’t hesitate to break a bone.” So much for a bodyguard with a black belt. “I’m not pursuing something serious San, no need to worry.”

“Just in case, things escalated. I wouldn’t hold back.” San’s eyes glowered despite the easy smile, “Plus, Wooyoungie would be devastated, I can’t have that too.” Hongjoong worried on his lip, this was complicated. How could he explain to them that if anything bad happened this time it would be entirely his fault.

That he was the one asking for it. He begged to be fucked, he wanted him. The deal was a fuck night, Seonghwa didn’t sign for more than that. Heck, even him didn’t sign for more than that. If he happened to get attached, it would be his own problem to deal with on his own.

“It is just a fuck night San.” His heart squeezed painfully but he didn’t show it. That was what he was good at, hiding his most vulnerable sides deep down beneath a snarky confident persona. 

“It’s just… a fuck night…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all can bet Hwa gonna bite the heck outta Hongjoong’s lips once they get it lmao
> 
> Anyways, how is it this time xP istg the ‘daddy’ and ‘doll’ wasn’t planned but sumtimes characters write themselves y’know hehe  
> I once again split the update for it got too long *facepalm* kinda sorry .-. Who would have thought they would take 7k to fuck on call? Not me.  
> (Can y’all see how long their actual fuck gonna be? Im kinda scared ._.)
> 
> But! More plot next chapter, more angst and insight to Hongjoong’s past and personality ;) 
> 
> Don’t forget to kudos and comments! <3 have a nice day lovelies


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so hard and complicated to articulate with words. It was easier in my head istg but when put down into words, it suddenly needed effort and many braincells. Hopefully, Joong’s character becomes clearer. It makes sense gradually. 
> 
> I will talk more about it in the ending note, for now, enjoy the angst and fluffy sweet times after. 
> 
> Tw: mention of homophobia, verbal/slight physical abuse, slurs, breakdowns/panicking (within the first half)

** Scene Four **

It’s been days, four exactly, since Hongjoong talked to Seonghwa that night. What was more to it, he wasn’t really fine with it. Each night before going to sleep, he would stare at his blank phone screen as if by some magical powers it would light up with a message with Seonghwa’s name. It never did.

Hongjoong’s chest weighed heavily and his mood dimmed throughout those days. Still, his pride didn’t allow him to send anything. Seonghwa was probably busy filling in a spot he was new to; he didn’t need distraction and a needy Hongjoong to make an appearance. If he did, he would have at least sent a simple message, a ‘hi’ maybe.

He sighed for the umpteenth time before throwing his phone on the mattress and opting to look for dreamlands. 

Don’t get greedy. 

He was on his way to work. Driver taking him to KQ building for some scheduling. He had to premeasure the next collection for the upcoming Aurora Polaris fall collection. 

He was feeling under the weather, a sullen expression on his face even when he moved to the studio where the designers needed to do their work on him. He spaced out most of the time while they slid pieces on him, hands working with lines and needles to pin where the adjustments were going to be, before sliding them off and putting another on.

Amidst his spacing, a voice snapped him. He turned around as some girl slipped a jacket off to leave his upper body naked. “What a view.” His skin crawled with disgust as he met the eyes of the person with the crude remark.

The thing was, just when he thought his mood couldn’t get any worse than the past days, Hongjoong had to meet him. One of the many assholes he hated the most. More than hate, he loathed his existence.

“Well look who is here,” Hongjoong glared hard, not trying to hide his unwelcoming tone. He shooed the stylist as he grabbed the closest shirt he could reach. Desperate but not showing how he wanted to hide his bare skin from the shameless eyes racking his body.

“What are you doing here, Jaehyun?” The man smirked lazily, an expression that made his blood reel in his veins. “Why not? I’m included in the upcoming shoot.” Hongjoong’s eyes widened in shock. This couldn’t be. He already told his manager he didn’t want his existence in this fucking building, now not only he was here but he would collaborate with him? What in the actual fuck?

He must have gone quiet for a while when the man spoke, “Seems tempting just like ever,” The asshole quirked a teasing eyebrow, “Heard you still whore around your body, begged to get fucked on your last live.” Hongjoong almost snapped the button he was fastening, grips painfully white as he tried to hide the quivers of his body and how his heart was rocking madly against his ribcage. He had frozen when the man’s eyes widened in creeping bewilderment. “I can fuck you. If you wish.” Memories rushed in his head, pile sour and stinging at the back of his throat, a familiar spike in his chest threatened to burst.

No, he wouldn’t be touched, not by this fuckface, not in his workplace, not after keeping away for so many years. However, the panic rendered his tongue speechless, he was pale white and he desperately wanted to call for the designers standing away to come get him. He could actually run him and escape. But he couldn’t move, and the predator's eyes closing in on him resurfaced every traumatic glimpse of memories he threw away in his deepest darkest corners. He wouldn’t do anything here, would he?

“I can fuck you baby, right here if you want,” his stomach lurched in disgust. His eyes widened as he took a step back. Jaehyun saw the opportunity and took a step closer.

“Fuck off,” it was strained and tense. A dead giveaway to his fears. This scene was too familiar. The hand that landed on his face. Cold sweat slid down his face.

He knew the damage this guy could do. He knew him. It was because he knew him that he was afraid. He was fucking maniac. A piece of garbage that wouldn’t hesitate to do anything.

The thumb rubbing circles on the side of his neck, his quickening pulse under it. The dread cloaking him as memories rushed in. It wasn’t the man who paralyzed him, it was everything playing inside his head that freaked him out.

_He was outed without his consent._

_It was when he was barely seventeen when the school’s jock, Jaehyun, in his class did it. After catching him by mistake and trying to take advantage by forcing him into a physical relationship, telling him he was a slut, a dirty disgraceful animal who just wanted dicks. He wasn’t._

_He didn’t give in then. He still didn’t know how he didn’t cave so fast under the haunting words and sick manipulations. It was hard, every day was a nightmare, a total looming dread above his head that at the tick of the clock it would spiral down to hell. Especially when the cornering and all threats didn't work. It became blackmailing._

_He would tell everyone._

_It was either everyone knew or he gave up himself. How could he choose the letter? Just the thought of getting touched by him made his stomach flip violently. He would panic, vomit at midnights, through classes, and whenever the thought accrued. It was worse than a nightmare. Each day, he would go to school tip-toeing on thin ice, knowing it would break underneath his feet any second then, in case he got exposed, ready for a total backlash._

_It was inevitable, it happened eventually._

_It was within days his life flipped upside down. Within days, he had everyone shaming him, calling him out, spitting slurs at him wherever he went. He heard all types of words. Everything. He walked the grounds with his head held low. Different, wrong, disgraceful. Hated._

_It just got worse. When it reached his parents._

_It was the final shock, the last push that landed him in the bottom. When they disowned him._

_Not in his whole life did he think his father would tell him to leave the house. Not when he was a small frail kid, barely seventeen. It was the lowest he reached. His mother had no say in anything. She disapproved of him. No. She hated him too. He saw it clear in their eyes. How they regretted him, how they wished he didn’t exist. How they contemplated out loud where they went wrong raising him. The shame they wore in front of his teachers, classmates, their neighbors, relatives. He never saw them that ashamed before. Watching his parents walk with their heads held low and salvaging themselves by answering prying mouths that they disowned him. That they couldn’t really do anything more about it. Pretend he never existed._

_It made him feel… repulsive and gross. Moreover, that asshole never showed remorse. He laughed. He followed him around. Tried touching him again and again and again._

_It was the bottom he reached, dark, so dark and endless misery where he felt like he was left standing on his own in an empty room and was told to lean on nothing. Lonely, small, powerless. Afraid._

_Afraid._

Afraid.

Hongjoong slapped the hand away. His skin itched like a burn where Jaehyun touched him. His fear fostered into anger and he glared hard. A deep scowl crinkling his forehead. “Don’t you dare fucking touch me, dickhead.” He was furious, the expanding in his chest threatening to spill but he fought it.

“C’mon, we grew up. You are a pornstar now, look how far life has changed.” He wanted to gag. He seethed instead, “A pornstar much better than a scum like you.”

“Calling me a scum when you sell your body for a crowd.” He almost flinched. No. Don’t cave in yet. You’ve heard many people disagree with your life choices before. This wouldn’t be different just because he was the guy who first ruined you. “Imagine a whole crowd can have this body, but _you_ will keep dreaming about it for _years.”_ Hongjoong mocked, a sneer at the tip of his tongue. “How long? Ten years? More?” Hongjoong taunted, “And you are still here, begging me for attention, trying to convince me to sleep with a dickhead like you.” Somehow seeing the asshole turn red from anger was satisfying. He was about to pop a vein and Hongjoong smirked as he leaned back on the table behind him.

“Just how much of a garbage you are that not even a _pornstar_ would want your sorry excuse for a dick.” Hongjoong tilted his head in mock innocence. “The lowest of the lowest.” The lazy smirk wiped to a cold sharp glare. The man was fuming now. Hongjoong knew if this wasn’t a secured ground with a security cameras and people scattered around, he would have been physically assaulted. Perhaps, he was trying his luck now.

But being angry was better than surrendering to panic. He could wait until going home. There, he could break all he wanted without anyone witnessing how fucked up he was on the insides and how furthest away he was from his perfect image.

“A whore shouldn’t speak so big. What about a slut begging to get fucked that makes you so glorious—” Hongjoong laughed, out of context and in a manic way. “Bitch, at least I get every dick I want at the motion of my finger—” Hongjoong pulled out his tiny painted pinky finger in mockery, “This is the least I can get, I’m much bigger than myself ten years ago,” Hongjoong poked his chest with said picky, “move on and grow up from high school.” He bid him a dirty side glance before walking away.

More stable than he thought he would be, maybe the fury inside him was spurring his hard stomps. He needed to see Eden.

Hongjoong stormed past the alarmed secretary of his chairman, which also happened to be a close acquaintance of his before he took on that spot. Hongjoong’s blood flared and he felt it scorching inside him. Goddammit he was fucking livid. He stepped in and slammed the door harshly in the secretary’s face. 

“Well, you didn’t have to—” Hongjoong walked up and blasted his hands down on the oak wide desk the man sat behind. His eyes glowered. “Cut the crap Eden.” He hissed, “The fuck is Jaehyun doing here?” Eden’s eyes remained unaffected in a way that blazed Hongjoong’s fury more. “The sponsors wanted him.”

“I asked you for one thing Eden, the one fucking thing of keeping that dickhead away from me.” Hongjoong threw hands. “He promised to behave—” 

“Behave! Fucking behave?! Is that why he was just now denigrating me!” Hongjoong fury snapped as he yelled and Eden grimaced. “Listen Hongjoong,”

“I won’t, I swear to god if you don’t get him away from me,” Hongjoong’s chest tightened, a ghost of a panic attack threatening to spill out of him but he refused to surrender in front of any fucker in this building. _Heard you still whore around your body, begged to get fucked on your last live—_ _I can fuck you. If you wish_ — Hongjoong wanted to throw up, he felt the bile at the back of his throat, sour and vile. 

“It isn’t like this is the first time you hear those.” Hongjoong froze. His blood halting and his body ran cold. Almost numb. He felt the lump in his throat thickening. “You are serious?” eyes wide, he inhaled the words in incredulity. They came out choked. “You fuckin’ serious?!” he screamed aloud, losing his mind as he felt the piercing edges of panic sharpening against his lungs, urging it to collapse under the pressure, “Hongjoong, this is what you’ve been hearing all your life— it’s time to _move on from it._ ”

He couldn’t hear anything. Eden was speaking but it sounded mute, more like spoken underwater. There was a buzz in his ears and his eyes blurred for a second, he swayed on his feet but he caught himself. There was a ghost of a migraine drumming inside his head and he couldn’t really control anything. This wasn’t new. However, it’s been years.

He didn’t collapse because of Jaehyun, he would because of Eden? Eden of all people? Eden who— why would Eden tell him this? Why did he have to throw it in his face? He was trembling madly, he must have looked unstable, or maybe that was inside his head, from the outside Eden saw nothing of the damage he caused within him. Everything was falling apart. He didn’t want everything to fall apart. He thought he was good now— he thought he was doing just fine after so many years—

Eden was there. Eden should have known better. Eden should be well aware, he was there, he had seen how many things happened that ruined him. Had seen him at rock bottom. Why would he tell him so _simply_ to _just_ move on now? Why—

_After all, it wasn’t just Jaehyun that messed him up._

_It came up gradually, one by one. It wasn’t one fucked up thing that he could just_ move on _from. It was a series of misfortunes that took his sanity. Bit by bit._

_Yes, his parents hated him, his school bullied him for who he was, yes there was Jaehyun to make sure he was fucked up enough and the damage was perfect._

_However, despite hating him so much, his mother still provided money for him behind his father’s back until he got a job and place to stay. Which was a roommate he knew from the senior year who had offered him a place to stay as some sort of genuine pity of what had happened to him._

_Things might have quietened down for a while, or his ears had become accustomed to the slurs thrown at him from days to days._

_His roommate was chill. Actually, Hongjoong back then thought he was a cool person. At some point, they became some sort of friends with benefits. Though, Hongjoong might have liked him a bit more than that. They remained together for two years. Hongjoong’s family finally cut him off completely after he passed his eighteen birthday. It was then he found local shops looking for cheap models. He decided to work there for a while. They liked his pretty face; young people liked him so they appreciated whatever he wore._

_Eden was one of the first shops he modeled for back then._

_It was falling back into routine and Hongjoong was getting by the life he was handed then. Until first-year college._

_His roommate would get drunk at college parties and do drugs, and somehow Hongjoong dealt some of the after effects. The relationship wasn’t exactly abusive, more than physical abuse it was verbal one._

_At that time, he had no problem giving up his body. On the contrary, it felt kind of freeing and appreciative to be taken care of. That was until it was more on the_ being used _side._

_It wasn’t that they wanted him. They wanted his body. Because that’s all they saw him for. A fuckbody. He didn’t realize that until too late in his ‘relationship’ with his roommate._

_The degradation he suffered would throw him most times back into his high school’s panic attacks. He couldn’t handle the man he had feelings for calling him a slut, a whore who wanted to get fucked. He would tell him he was nothing more than filth while using him, his body, a dirty boy that people fucked and left because that was only what he was good at, taking dicks._

_That was exactly what he heard for years and tried to yield desperately, tried to block it from manifesting into a sick disease within his head. That was his last thread of sanity, he couldn’t cave in. He told himself he was able to withstand many worse happenings. That these weren’t anything he didn’t get by before. Of course these were lies. Lies to get himself by another day without breaking._

_It broke him eventually._

_He dealt with it for six months, for he didn’t have any place to go to, anywhere to live. He didn’t have anyone. He was stuck because that was the_ best worst _option he had if he didn’t want to sleep in the streets. Each day he spent those six months, it rubbed him of another strand of stability until he almost believed he was just a whore like how he was told all those years by all those people. That he was dirty, filthy, ugly. That he was worth nothing for all he was. Just a fuckboy, a miserable excuse of a person. A disgrace, a horrendous whore._

_One night he panicked when it almost became physical. He got slapped in the face with so much force he still sometimes recalled the numbness of the side of his face._

_He ran away on impulse. That night he didn’t know where he was going but the only registering thought in his head was to_ run _, escape_. _He ran to Eden. He knew Eden would accept him somehow. At least for one night, a few hours. At least until he could collect himself a little._

_Eden saw his bruised cheek and split lip, and if it wasn’t obvious the state of breakdown Hongjoong was in, he almost blacked out. Eden then took him in after his other part-timer Wooyoung cried about him for hours. Eden told him he could live there with Wooyoung and part of his salary would go as a rent._

_Hongjoong was desperate. He wanted to be free. Where would he find a better offer?_

_It took years of rebuilding himself. He became cautious, paranoid, and incapable of looking at himself without flinching. Everything a reminder, as if their insults imprinted themselves into his skin and they were permanent now. He couldn’t see all his worth for shit, no one brought him up without him dragging himself down. Because the past made him believe he belonged there. In the bottom. He was barely twenty._

_He wouldn’t believe anyone who told him he was pretty. Because he believed in the contrary, that he wasn’t. Wooyoung was there all along, since the day he arrived bruised. He was introduced to him through Eden before then._

_Boy wouldn’t miss a chance of fawning over him and at first, it made him uncomfortable. When Wooyoung dressed him up for their shoots, he would go around screaming he looked precious, he looked amazing. Yeosang was there later. A part-time makeup artist. He would put on make up for him while continuously peppering him with adornments he didn’t believe he deserved. Because he was filthy, he was a disgrace. A shameful gay. A sick person._

_Things didn’t get better in days, weeks, or even months. It took him years._

_When the shoots became popular and his face became recognizable, people kept showering him with love and praises. He would scroll through his accounts and see countless people raining adornments on him. Calling him pretty, stunning, gorgeous. Those words he never heard aside from Wooyoung, Yeosang and sometimes, Eden too._

_Was he? He started to question himself. With fame came haters. The company became widespread, more people were exposed to it thanks to his face and Yeosang followed modeling a year after him._

_Overseas branches, local shops, and many outlets, in a blink of an eye, they were just up there. He couldn’t point to a day or a period of time where he healed. He didn’t think he ever did. The ugly layer of him just laid sedated deep down under many others of business and fame and flattery. Sometimes, he would be too busy to let his brain think._

“Hongjoong.” His head snapped at the call of his name. Eden was now standing and trying to reach out for him. But he reeled back. 

He seared with madness. “No, you listen to me,” Hongjoong seethed, shaking, “just because I had to deal with people feeding me bullshit throughout my life, doesn’t mean I should tolerate it or have to accept it!” Hongjoong vented, breaths jarred. Eden quietened.

“You think it’s _alright_ just because I hear this talk a lot? I have to endure working with a piece of shit who can’t keep his hands and mouth to himself!” how could Eden tell him it was okay and just move on?! How could he suggest that even! He was human! He deserved respect, at least by his co-workers and his boss! Not tell him to handle degradation because what? He deserved it? Because he grew up hearing people belittle him and humiliate him?

Eden telling him that meant he believed he somehow by some sick joke, merited all that. He felt sick. Was this how Eden saw him all along? Was this how he repaid him after being by his side all those years? 

This was more like a betrayal. He could handle every vile word from any _stranger_ , but having it coming out of someone who had seen the effects of it all and still told him to cope with it?

He was hurt. He was goddamn mad too. “You seem to forget something, Eden.” His eyes sharpened. His voice was much calmer than his hysterical insides. “ _I_ made this KQ _._ ” This was a fact. Eden’s eyes were cold, not liking the facts thrown in his face. Well, Hongjoong also didn’t like being told to suck it up and stomach bitches calling him a whore in his workplace.

“Just because you are sitting behind that fancy desk doesn’t mean you own it. KQ is worth zero shit without me. I made it,” Hongjoong beat at his chest, “I gave it reputation, I brought people’s attention.” His anger spurred every word he didn’t know where they were coming from.

“All those cheap pieces of garbage you made me model,” Hongjoong laughed dryly, “no one would have bought them if not for me!” oh how exhilarating it was to scream everything out. He knew he would crumble if he didn’t vent somehow. 

“As my company and management, you are obligated whether you like it or not, to respect me. To prevent anything bad from escalating here,” those supposed to be facts, Eden should have known better. “And you are telling me to tolerate getting assaulted in _my_ workplace?” Hongjoong inhaled in disbelief. He waited for Eden to speak anything but the man let him throw his fit as he wished. It spiked Hongjoong more. He wanted to be talked back so he could yell in return. Eden looked at him like that as if he was some child throwing a tantrum. Fuck that. Fuck this company. “If you don’t fix this shit, I swear to god, you can only dream about keeping a contract with me in this shitty place.” 

“Also, _you_ of all people, should have known _me_ better. I’m beyond disappointed.” He finally said before walking out. If Eden wasn’t going to talk, he wasn’t about to stay there begging him for a reaction. Fuck the photoshoots and upcoming interviews. He can contact him when that trash is thrown out of this place.

Now he just wanted to go home. He wanted to go home and hide away quickly before the pressure in his chest collapsed. Hallways were too long, too narrow, the elevator so small and suffocating. The eyes around him too prying and judgmental. He stumbled on his feet to get out. He couldn’t breathe, everything too claustrophobic. He was dizzy and sweating and the more steps he took the more the grounds tilted underneath him. He focused on breathing. Yes, breathing. He should breathe so he could get out of here. He couldn’t hear anything, his headache distorting his vision and he might have felt better if he threw up there instead of holding his disturbed stomach.

The first he got in the car he barely had his voice to tell his driver to get him home. It came raspy and rough.

He curled on himself, pressed his knees to his chest as he felt it swell and collapse continuously, heart jamming mercilessly. His eyes stung and millions of triggering memories rushed in. Everything he didn’t want to remember or think about. His conversation with Jaehyun and all the bullshit he screamed in Eden’s face. What Eden thought of him and all the slurs Jaehyun threw in his face. Everything muddled into a mess of overlapping static voices in his head he felt it crawl on his skin, creepy and itching. He wasn’t touched but he felt dirty, as if someone had touched him. As if their words were physical forms lapping at his skin. He wanted to scrap it clean. He wanted to _feel_ clean.

He wasn’t dirty. He wasn’t a whore. He wasn’t a disgrace. He was supposed to be someone pretty and elegant. Not how those made him feel.

But Eden implied he should just stomach it. Did that mean all that time, he was just what he tried to yield off?

Yes, he fucked around on camera, but that—

_Fucking around on camera was some type of a sick coping mechanism. Or else, he convinced himself. Back then, he couldn’t let anyone touch him without the ghost of panic seizing him. Besides, he couldn’t go to Wooyoung and Yeosang for comfort each few days because he sought validation and reassurance. Praise was nice. He wanted to hear it. He wanted to pleasure himself for once without someone using him and treating him like a slut. He wanted to feel appreciated like art. People would look at it from afar and their only thoughts would be of obtaining him. Because he was beautiful, valuable, stunning._

_His fans fed his starved ego._

_He filled the void of not being able to get fucked in real life by fucking on camera. It wasn’t done on a small period with a coherent thought. He just did it nervously one day without telling anyone, without thinking it thoroughly. And it became some sort of addiction after. All his life he craved endorsement and what easier way to get it? Without offering his body to ungrateful people who would only use him and hurt him. Those people appreciated his body and treated him like the prettiest person alive._

_Someone showed up then. That someone didn’t want to fuck him. Which was a shocking fact that left him paranoid and skeptical for a long while. But that person made him feel like a prince. Like a treasure that should be praised whenever any eyes landed on it._

_He thought that maybe he had healed. He was happy. He even went on dates with that person. He was never asked for sex and that just made it more precious. He was almost in love. Maybe he was. He knew when he, after many struggling years, decided he could give his body again for someone._

_A series of misfortunes._

_He was left the morning after. ‘How else would I get a taste of your body?’ He had told him. ‘You were stubborn and seeing you fuck on cam made me want to fuck your brains out, what a lovely slut.’ He trembled, naked under the sheets. Small and weak and broken. In pain and used. ‘Why would I date a cockslut? How would I face my family and friends? ’_

_‘I just wanted to fuck you.’_

_Because that's how people always saw him. A fuckable body. No one cared about it more than that. Just using it for sex. Just getting what they wanted and disposing of it like garbage._

_He couldn’t get out of his house for… how long? Wooyoung told him months. It felt like years. He was heartbroken in the worst ways possible. He didn’t even know where to start mending himself. Where did the pain originate? Was he in pain because the one he might have loved in many years left? Or perhaps, the fact he was still seen the same after all that time? Maybe how he got played like a naive dumbshit. He was lost in his head. An endless maze of self-deprecation and disgust and honestly, it felt like years in his head. He felt betrayed, violated, and sullied._

_Wooyoung and Yeosang pulled him out. Where would he be if not for them? He would shudder at the thoughts._

_He closed off after. Maybe he then decided to not bottom again. Not give anyone a chance of having it. Keeping his body for himself. Wouldn’t put himself out, wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of using him. Because apparently, people saw him as a fuckboy. Nothing more nothing less. As simply, a whore._

He rubbed harshly at his eyes, no tears unless he was home, he can handle it for a little bit longer. When he got there, his knees almost gave up on him as he crawled under the covers and wrapped himself tightly, body cold in sweat and shuddering nonstop. He didn’t bother to take off his shoes, he just curled into a small ball and wished he could disappear instead of all this agony. 

“Fuck fuck fuck!! I don’t want to fucking remember!!” he screamed as tears ran fast and hot. His throat burned, he couldn’t breathe, ribs closing in on his lungs as he clawed at his skin as if that would give him space to inhale. 

“I’m not a whore! I’m not a bad person! I’m not someone dirty!” he choked as if he was proving something to someone when in fact; he was alone in his empty room, shouting to no one but himself. He sobbed hard, “I don’t want to hear anything! Stop it!” he knocked at his head to chase the voices away. He frantically searched for his phone, his hands trembled intensely as he struggled to search for Wooyoung’s number, teardrops landing on the screen as he pressed the call icon. 

“Hyung—” Wooyoung immediately quietened when Hongjoong wailed on the phone, “W-Woo, Woo please come h-here, p-please I need you—” Hongjoong sobbed, wiping furiously at his eyes and running nose, they stung but he couldn’t feel it, care about it as he strained to just breathe. “I-I can’t breathe Woo I c-can’t—!” his chest hurt, his head hurt, everything hurt— his heart was going to stop, he could feel it, maniacally beating out of his head. He was going to throw up—

“Calm down, I’m on my way, I will be there in ten. P-Please don’t do anything bad.” Wooyoung fretted on the other line. Hongjoong didn’t bother to cut the call when the phone dropped from his unstable hands. He buried his face in them, closing his mouth with them so he wouldn’t vomit on his sheets. He squeezed his eyes shut, the moment he did, everything rushed back in sickening clear sounds and colors. His heart was going to stop—

Why did it have to haunt him until now, until when?! Why did Eden had to fuck it up and feed into his insecurities! As if they weren’t waiting for someone to ensure they were fucking real!

All he had fought against! All his mental battles he fought to be the confident _him_ right now. It was all becoming a ridiculous joke! All were lies! Who was he lying to? Had he ever been as strong as he declared? As confident as he appeared? As nonchalant and carefree— deep down he was just the deprived person who poorly strived for validation from anything possible around— even by _whoring himself_ , because that’s all he was capable of— that’s what everyone saw him for— what he could get praised for— no one wanted him for who he was, no one cared about the bruised soul inside his body, no one looked deep and saw how anxious and trembling and scared it was—

They saw his confidence and applauded him for it. Fake it until you make it. Fake it until you believe it. He faked it. He believed but now it all shredded down and the truth spitefully displayed in front of him. He was still the fuck up he had been ten years ago. The fuck up everyone back then told him he was. Eden just told him so. Eden must be right or else he wouldn’t tell him to move on. Eden didn’t see how big it was— he saw it as something irrelevant and childish and he should just _simply_ accept it and move on from it—

Hongjoong barely registered Wooyoung’s frantic steps above the tenacious buzzing in his head. Before he could blink his sour eyes, Wooyoung busted through his door, threw his phone and keys carelessly on the bed before climbing and he was instantly encased in strong arms. Unlike his loud cries, he broke into small silent sobs, his small trembling hands fisted Wooyoung’s shirt, tugging hard on it.

“Shush… it’s okay… I will make it okay…” Wooyoung’s voice was low and warm, placating, and safe in a painful way that swelled his heart more than his chest could handle. “I’m sorry I-I’m sorry W-Woo—” he gasped.

“Stop Hyung, don’t say sorry. It will be alright, you are strong,” Wooyoung whispered sweet nothings into his ears until Hongjoong was too tired to cry it anymore, his only grasp on sanity was Wooyoung’s leveled voice, quiet and low as if minding how his head was having a major migraine.

It took a while where he just buried his face underneath Wooyoung’s neck, inhaling his safe scent desperately, hands sagging off their holds to fall limply. Wooyoung’s arms secured around him, one hand rubbing calming circles along his back. His throat burned and his eyes stung, his breathing slowed down to shallow wheezes he couldn’t control. He felt weak and minute and _protected_ while curled into a small ball in Wooyoung’s embrace.

“What happened?” Wooyoung trod carefully. “Jaehyun was there.” Hongjoong was too safe in the little space Wooyoung provided. He worked himself to exhaustion that he couldn’t upset himself more about it. His heart still hurt. He just didn’t have the power to work himself more, his body and head numb. “He said I’m a slut, I’m a whore and I should let him f-fuck m-me…” Hongjoong hid his face in Wooyoung’s chest, could feel how Wooyoung went rigid underneath him. “He said so much stuff, it triggered me so h-hard— I remembered e-everything a-and W-Woo— I t-tried… I j-just couldn’t control it—”

“I know, I know Hyung you don’t have to explain to me,” Wooyoung’s hand moved up and threaded his hair, the gesture rendered him pliant, he closed his eyes and focused on it. “I… I also fought with Eden.” He shuddered. “He said awful things t-to me… he… I…” his pulse quickened and he tried to focus more on the hand in his hair instead of remembering how Eden told him he should get used to it, move on like it was something easy to do. He couldn’t do that for years. It prickled his skin, a disgusting tremor wanting to crawl out. Not at Eden, but himself.

If he got used to it, it meant he accepted it. And if he accepted it, it meant all he had heard all his life was right, all his parents told him, the assholes at school, the awful people that bullied him to this state. It meant he was delusional and he should have accepted he was meant to be just some filthy fuck body, a whore, a cockslut like how they called him. 

He didn’t want to be. He didn’t want to be just some undignified man who wasn’t deserved of any dignity and respect.

He wanted to feel more human, more normal, more regarded and valued. Treasured.

“Eden said to _move on_ from it b-because— this is w-what I’ve been h-hearing _all my life._ ” His voice cracked into pained whispers.

“Shush… don’t cry…” Wooyoung held his face with two warm hands and lifted it. He blinked his bloodshot eyes and saw the tears mirroring his own in Wooyoung’s eyes. “I can’t handle seeing you like this Hyung… you mean a lot to me…” Wooyoung brushed his thumbs underneath his eyes, sweeping away the tears. Hongjoong’s lips wobbled, “I want to be treated right Woo… how difficult is that? Why does everyone keep telling me I’m just a filthy person? I’m not a filthy person, I wanna be told I’m good, I wanna be told I’m beautiful, I’m appreciated…” Hongjoong closed his eyes as he leaned into one of Wooyoung’s big palms, loving the presence. The grounding.

“You are. No one is allowed to convince you otherwise,” Wooyoung’s grips on his wet cheeks squeezed. When he blinked his eyes open, Wooyoung’s wet eyes were staring fiercely into his. “You are so beautiful; a lot of people love you for who you are. Whatever you decide to be and whatever you decide to do, no one is allowed to judge you for it,” Wooyoung stressed the words, gritting them. “But people will keep doing it; some of them are just born bad. That means their words are meaningless. You aren’t bad, and you shouldn’t believe them.” Wooyoung smiled wetly, “You are _you_ , whatever you see yourself and whatever your loved ones do.” Tears fell silently. Except, now more releasing than hurting. The words wrapped themselves like a warm soft blanket around his battered heart. 

“And as a person who loves you, and really cares about you, and as your friend and little brother who knew you for many years and saw the real you to the furthest detail,” Wooyoung chanted the words quietly, almost whispered like spells. He sniffled before continuing, “I will always remind you that you are loved, for everything that you are, you are cared about deeply, by me and your friends and many people who admire you. Believe me… Hyung.” Wooyoung rested his forehead on his. A silent moment followed that allowed the words to engrain deeply and strongly within him. Quelling the ugly demons down there, that threatened to pull him deep inside minutes ago. 

Hongjoong nuzzled Wooyoung’s nose before giving it a soft affectionate rub with his own. He then quietly let himself melt in Wooyoung’s arms, allowed his head to shut down for a while as he rested it in the crook of his neck. “Thank you…” Wooyoung squeezed him in return. Until he blacked out, Wooyoung’s holds didn’t lessen.

At some point he woke up to the noise in the kitchen. He stood up but immediately swayed on his feet, dizzy. He realized his shoes were off and so his jacket, accessories and belt. Hongjoong stumbled into the kitchen. Wooyoung had the table set with food. Before the boy could say anything, Hongjoong threw himself at him, leaving Wooyoung no room but to hold him up on his feet. “Hey there too.” Wooyoung mused at the melting mess in his arms. Hongjoong hummed contently. “Just a bit more.” He slurred, not enough energy to even lift his arms up.

Wooyoung let him. He would freak out normally, but he knew when his Hyung needed him, he could afford anything. “My baby Hyung.” Wooyoung snickered. Hongjoong hit his chest weakly and pulled back with a pout. “Enjoy it while it lasts.”

“Nah, I prefer my snarky Hyung.” Wooyoung ducked away from another punch easily. “I made you food.” Hongjoong couldn’t be anymore thankful for everything that Wooyoung was doing for him. 

They were uncharacteristically quiet on the dinner table but Wooyoung knew when to be serious and leave jokes aside when needed.

“Want to talk more about it?” He had asked him. Hongjoong appreciated it but in all honesty, he preferred to shut it all out now that he was a little sedated. Last thing he needed was to recall the day and how awful it had led into.

“No, I’m good now…” both knew these were lies. His pale face and swollen eyes said everything otherwise. Wooyoung didn’t press him into it. It’s been so long since he had last seen Wooyoung this calm and quiet. He felt partly guilty and more uncomfortable but Wooyoung shrugged it off, cuddled him in front of the TV screen that both weren’t paying it any attention. Hongjoong was about to pass out a second time with how worn out he was when Wooyoung told him he had some urgent matters to attend to. He promised to come back the next morning and Hongjoong couldn’t hold him back even if he wanted to. He shooed him off with the most not-so-fake reassuring smile he could muster before bidding him goodbye.

Hongjoong was alone in his living room after waking up from his second nap. The prior major breakdown left him numb and empty. He couldn’t cry it more even if he wished for it. He felt spent. And maybe a little lonely too. A hollow gap in his chest manifesting. 

He contemplated calling for Yeosang or San’s company but he didn’t have the energy to work everything again and the boys would definitely question a lot of things he didn’t want to answer for now. Nevertheless, San would lose his mind once he knew. Being his bodyguard, he would feel responsible for everything. He didn’t want to think about it yet. Maybe for when he was more sober and less drained. 

The mood was forlorn. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t go live either, mostly tired and part anxious and jittery after what happened. He decided to ignore it and just rest. However, he slept the whole day and was forced to have food and shower and now it was ten at night and he felt empty and sunken with nothing else to do.

He eyed his phone dully, what about Seonghwa? What if Seonghwa sent him a message? Would he? He wouldn’t, right? He worried on his lower lip, a pang of sadness he blamed on his emotional turmoil of today blanketed him. Why wouldn’t he send a message? At the back of his head, he knew Seonghwa wasn’t obligated and had no reason to do so, but he was stubborn and no reason made sense in his head for the sting in his eyes and the disappointment he felt rooting down. 

Didn’t Seonghwa feel that small urge to talk to him, hear his voice like how he felt toward him?

He was bone-tired, he had a panic attack and a whole breakdown for his fucked up past, and he took that as a free ticket to act however his emotions desired. He convinced himself that would be enough reasons to justify the tears sliding down the side of his face thinking about Seonghwa while laying on the sofa, eyes unfocused on the muted TV.

In a moment of recklessness, he rang his number. He told himself if he didn’t pick the first call he would drop the phone and pretend he had never called and would never repeat the mistake ever ever ever again.

He still counted the rings in apprehension, anxiously hearing the static buzz. He almost worked himself into a panic mode again when—

‘Hello?’ Hongjoong’s chest constricted, fingers twitching and he sounded breathless, “Hi…” voice small and insecure.

‘Hongjoong,’ Seonghwa acknowledged him, “Yes, sorry if I didn’t ask before calling you.” Hongjoong poked at the material of the sofa. Not hearing Seonghwa’s voice in days was doing some weird things to his insides.

He refused to confess it as _longing._ He wanted to hear his voice so badly these days. He missed h—

‘Don’t worry, everything is fine?’ no, nothing was fine. “I’m okay, just… bored?” Seonghwa chuckled, ‘Am I your call to go now?’ Hongjoong didn’t mean it that way. He blushed as he exclaimed, “No!” Seonghwa laughed again, “Didn’t mean that…” Hongjoong fumbled shyly. Seonghwa hummed quietly in return. ‘What then?’

“Just talk? I dunno… my day wasn’t the best one so far and I’m kinda… out of it?” how could he explain how awful his day was with getting slut-shamed and assaulted and falling into an old panic state and now feeling depressed and lonely, without freaking Seonghwa out and getting the line shut in his face?

‘Hmm… want to talk to me about it while I get this endless paperwork done?’ Hongjoong curled on himself, feeling silly with how eager he felt. He didn’t let it show through. “I don’t really wanna depress you with it but I can talk nonsense instead?” Seonghwa’s husky laugh was so beautiful, like butterflies fluttering inside his ribcage. It made him feel like a winner whenever he succeeded in pulling a genuine one out of him. ‘Okay, I will keep the line on.’

“I wouldn’t be distracting you, would I?” Hongjoong wondered, pouting a bit. ‘Not really, I can manage.’

“What are you working on?” Hongjoong welcomed the conversation. Seonghwa’s voice calm and placid when he talked about how the previous director left him all her piled paperwork and now he was stuck with it. He even sent him a picture of his messy office and the number of files there. He also noticed the abandoned suit jacket and necktie on the dest. Hongjoong resisted the urge to ask for a selfie.

“My best friend doesn’t like you.” Thirteen minutes into the conversation and Hongjoong was filterless. One wouldn’t blame him when he was worn out and had a couple of brain cells left. So he just talked whatever to fill his lonely void. ‘Why? What did I do?’ Seonghwa said amusedly. “Stood me up duh!” Hongjoong exclaimed and Seonghwa groaned, “He spent half an hour collecting the flower petals from around the room while cursing you.”

‘And you let him?’ Hongjoong giggled, “He was cleaning my mess, I had to give him that at least.”

‘Sounds like a brat,’ that made Hongjoong laugh, “He is! But he is a really good boy, he just doesn’t like you.”

‘Because I stood his friend up, did he know how I fucked you on the phone?’ Hongjoong choked on his spit, “Hey!”

‘So he knows. What else did I expect.’ Seonghwa teased him. “I’m offended now.”

‘Are you?’ was he? “To be honest? Not really.” Hongjoong muffled another giggle, “He is my friend! Also what close I have to family so he literally knows everything!”

‘Well, at least he knows how good I am.’ Hongjoong blushed, tiny fingers trailing random patterns on his tummy. “So good.”

‘Are you gonna get horny on me again? Thought you wanted to just talk.’ Hongjoong grumbled, “I’m not!” he pouted as if Seonghwa could see it. He buffed his rosy cheeks out. “I’m tired today; I just want to be talked to sleep.”

‘Like a baby,’ Seonghwa mused, “Yes, like a needy baby…” he mumbled absently. ‘Was your day so bad?’ He must have perceived his sullen tone. 

“Not anymore? I kinda forgot it sucked for a minute.” Hongjoong realized he was too focused on Seonghwa’s voice and whatever they were talking about, he failed to recall why he rang him, to begin with.

He called Seonghwa for an escape from his awful reality and he shouldn’t be as surprised with how it worked effortlessly. It felt as if he was sucked into a void where nothing was true and nothing mattered, a fantasy or maybe a little bubble with him and his fairy. Except, Seonghwa was real and he existed on the other side of the phone. On the other side in another world where it felt less threatening to exist within, to be himself, to breathe and throw away his fears and dark shades. Because Seonghwa didn’t belong to his sick life. Talking to him was like crossing a universe where he could be part of Seonghwa’s universe instead of his own. Seonghwa was something reassuring, something fresh and crisp. Like a place where whatever he exhibited himself as, sad, sarcastic, horny, or even when being his annoying self, Seonghwa wouldn’t judge him. 

Maybe it’s the fact that he was pretty in Seonghwa’s eyes or the fact Seonghwa wasn’t in too deep to his life, hadn’t seen the ugly him so it felt less threatening and scary to exist in his presence.

Why did Seonghwa make him feel like that around him? 

The no commitment possibly? That he didn’t fear becoming a burden. That this could end any second without any emotional damage that came from breakups and in his case, the way people abused and dumped him.

Or one ugly thought that Seonghwa wasn’t permanent so he needn’t tell him about anything or work hard to maintain him close. Seonghwa was a small gap in a wall built so thick and too tall around him. A little escape in his suffocating life. The breath he needn’t work hard to inhale like how life made everything grueling for him. 

However, breathing was essential; would he suffocate if Seonghwa disappeared?

But when did this cease to be a game? Was he that emotionally unstable that he latched to the first thing that made him feel renewed in the longest? The person that made him feel… like he was pulled away from his own life he despised. But why did he latch to someone temporary? Why did he put himself out like that when he knew he was an infected wound that wouldn’t close and would irritate by the smallest touches. 

This was so right yet so wrong. So so wrong. Maybe he was starting to feel a little scared. He sniffled. ‘Are you okay?’ Seonghwa asked him tentatively. The fuck he was crying now. He laughed but it came out more cracked and awkward. “Emotionally spent beyond words.”

‘Talk to me about it.’ Hongjoong snickered. Like fuck, he would talk about it. He was crazy but not crazy enough to strip off his dazzling facade and display how ugly his insides were. He assured Seonghwa with a light laugh. “I don’t think I wanna scare you any time soon.”

‘Should I just listen to your cries and pretend there is nothing?’ Was Seonghwa upset? Hongjoong sniffled once more, wiping at his eyes. “That’s why I called you; I just need random talk, just… I want to stray away from my head.” He was insecure. Wouldn’t push his luck. Wouldn’t risk it for more. “You are already doing enough.”

‘Is this _enough_ for you?’ No. “Wooyoung will be here tomorrow morning.”

‘I assume the friend who hates me.’ Hongjoong laughed wetly. “Not hate, he just doesn’t like you.” He corrected him. “And yep, you are free to go once he is here.” His tone was wispy in hopes to lift the mood he ruined.

‘Okay.’ Hongjoong heard a click on the other side and some keys jingling. “Are you going somewhere?”

‘Yeah, I’m driving to the hotel. I will resume work at night.’ Hongjoong frowned, “Is it because of me?” He didn’t want to ruin Seonghwa’s day or work. He bit his lip nervously, contemplating just shutting the phone in his face and crawling away. ‘No, I’m also tired and need rest.’

“Should I… go?” Was he a burden? ‘Hongjoong.’ A shiver traveled down his spine at the stern call of his name. “Yes?!” He squeaked embarrassingly. ‘Just keep the phone on until you sleep. Okay?’

“Okay,” he mumbled, cheeks hot. ‘Good boy.’ The sudden praise made his whole body tingle and he rolled giddily on the sofa until he flopped to the floor. “Ew ewww,” he whined as he rubbed his sore head. ‘You okay? What happened?’

He blushed in embarrassment, “Nothing!” Hell no, he wasn’t about to tell him he fell off the sofa because he was overwhelmed by a much needed praise. “I’m just going to bed.”

‘Keep the phone on.’ 

“Alright!” He crawled under his covers, hearing Seonghwa’s car engine and the background noise of the radio. Seonghwa drove while he spoke words here and there, most of it just Hongjoong speaking unnecessary stuff to fill the ride until Seonghwa arrived at his hotel. 

The phone stayed on even when Seonghwa told him he was going to take a quick shower. He could hear the distant run of the water but the call was mostly quiet. 

A question bothered him. Why did Seonghwa bother this much with him? Maybe he was pushing his luck too far but he refused to go there. He wouldn’t build himself up that high because he knew to fall from there would either be his end or fuck him up. And he was enough fucked up already. What other reason was there then? Maybe having fun, a fling who didn’t demand for any strings attached. Who wouldn’t want that? A temporary pleasure, some way to let off steam for a while. Nothing else explained Seonghwa putting up with him. Hongjoong had to remind himself that Seonghwa didn’t call him in four days after that night. That was enough proof, that after all this came to an ending, it will be over once and for all. 

Somehow, the silence and the shower sounds were too sedating. He felt drowsy as he nestled deeper in the covers and warmth; he fought sleep as he waited for him.

‘Still there?’ He barely had it in him when he replied, “Hmm, sleepy...” Seonghwa chuckled lightly, ‘Did I leave you for too long?’ he heard rustling sounds and doors open, maybe Seonghwa was drying off and putting clothes on. “Yeah, I’m about to pass out.” He smiled lazily.

‘Don’t wait for me then, go to sleep.’ His voice was so sedating it resembled a lullaby almost, “No, I will wait for you to get in your bed.” Hongjoong slurred as he muffled his face into the pillow. ‘I’m there,’

“Okay, now talk until I cease to exist.” Such a clingy grown up man. He refused to criticize himself when Seonghwa’s voice spoke to him softly, while he just responded in small hums and intangible words.

“This is random,” his voice almost inaudible, “but can I message you when I… need you?” he was either getting bold or his sleep-loose tongue betraying him. But the prospect of being able to sleep to Seonghwa’s voice more often was too tempting. So he tried his luck, with a bit of timidity and self-doubt, “Just until you come back? I won’t after… y’know, not a permanent thing.”

He didn’t get a chance to dwell more about it when Seonghwa replied, ‘If you need me, yeah.’ He let a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He smiled contently. “Thanks, I think now I’m gonna pass out for real.” He laughed dizzily.

He really did pass out in a couple more minutes, barely humming, was he humming? ‘Seems you really passed out… good night.’ Maybe he imagined it, or maybe it was real. He didn’t know.

\----

His phone woke him up in the morning. As per usual, he thought it might be Wooyoung for he was his personal alarm ‘Hey Hyung,’ he didn’t expect Yeosang’s voice to greet him.

He frowned, “Mornin’ Sangie,” he slurred the words drowsily. ‘It’s already afternoon,’ Yeosang spoke calmly, unlike Wooyoung’s loudmouth, and he highly appreciated it. “Good afternoon.” Yeosang snorted lightly, just like the delicate man he was.

‘Seems you are feeling better now.’ Hongjoong paused, what did he mean? ‘Still dropping by in a few hours after work.’

“Wait… what is all this about?” Hongjoong got up, covers pooling in his lap. ‘Heard about yesterday,’ His eyes widened, “How do you simply _hear_ about it?” his anxiety poking his insides as he clutched the covers to his chest with one hand and the phone in the other, grips white. Yeosang might have picked on his strained voice when he soothed him, ‘Don’t… don’t work yourself up.’

“How do I possibly not?!” he didn’t mean to yell, he bit on his lip to shut the fuck up, opted to ran a hand through his messy hair for little calm.

‘I heard by mistake, don’t worry, I don’t think anyone else caught a weft of yesterday.’ Yeosang explained, “by mistake?” His stomach churned sickeningly. 

‘Yes, I was going to meet Eden and y’know I normally just walk into his office,’ Yeosang spoke a bit calm and a bit more careful, ‘Wooyoung was there yelling and I might have walked in on their fight.’ Hongjoong froze, ‘Wooyoung was losing it and I had to step in and calm him so… yeah, he told me everything after over a cup of coffee.’ Hongjoong needed to let everything sink in. This was too much. Was this the urgent work Wooyoung needed to leave him for? Did he leave him to yell at Eden for him?

He inhaled shakily, hot trails of tears ran down his cheeks and he cutely hiccupped. What had he done to deserve them? He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to quell down the overwhelming surge in his chest, so warm and strong he didn’t think he could handle it. Too much good feelings, too much for his battered heart. Yeosang cooed at him and that only pulled more tears, “S-Stop,”

‘Our baby Hyung, this is the least you deserve, deserve to know that you have people who got your back even when you don’t ask for it.’ He could hear the smile in Yeosang’s voice, ‘I would have done worse too, if I was there… to witness everything.’ The calmness of his voice was almost chilling, dangerous. ‘Eden or not, if I had seen you cry yesterday, I would have done it on the spot.’ Mayhaps, Yeosang was a delinquent back in the days. His delicate features and mannerism only made him much more frightening. Thankfully, few people were blessed by these facts. ‘And about that bitch, just leave it to me, if Eden doesn’t pull him off the shoot, I know how to kick him out.’

“Scary,” Hongjoong laughed wetly despite feeling the threatening glint in Yeosang’s voice.

Yeosang laughed eventually, ‘So, cuddling session maybe?’ Hongjoong shook his head hopelessly, the duality giving him a strong whiplash. He dried his tears, “Yeah, sounds like a plan.” He smiled wetly. It’s going to be a loud night.

Hongjoong was in his fluffy oversized pajamas when he opened the front door. Three minions stood there grinning at him. Wooyoung walked past him with bags he figured contained food from the aroma of chicken. Yeosang giving him a warm hug, squeezing him tight before following after Wooyoung, mumbling something about how the chicken was his and no one was touching it on his watch.

San stood there at the doorstep with his big Shibar stuffed toy. He squeezed it tight as he tried to force a smile on. It came out more guilty and apologetic than a smile should. “I’m sorry.” He knew this was coming, he just refused to think about it. “You shouldn’t, Sannie.” He tried assuring the boy but the smile faded into a deep grimace. “I’m your bodyguard, my job is to protect you. Heck, even as a friend before anything, I should have kept you safe.” Hongjoong couldn’t blame him honestly, even if he wanted to. It was impossible with the fat tears held back in San’s lashes, the trembling lips, the torment on his face as if he was battling himself ugly on his own. But he shouldn’t. Their contact didn’t issue protection within the company’s grounds. Who would pick on him in a high-security place? Well, a fuck up who had half a brain. However, that also happened rarely. San held no responsibility for anything.

“I’m sorry.” The toy squished mercilessly in his arms. As if it gave him moral support or strength or something. “C’mere.” Hongjoong opened his arms wide and a single tear slipped down one cheek when he walked two steps and rested his forehead on Hongjoong’s shoulder, not daring to hold him but Hongjoong did, he wrapped him in his arms, rubbing gentle circles along the shaking back. “I’m okay now, he didn’t hurt me.” Those were lies, but so all comfort words were.

“S-Stop saying that.” San muffled into his pajamas, “You big baby, and here I thought Woo was the worst.” San head-bumped him sideways in protest, “I wasn’t the one who cried the whole night yesterday.” His heart lurched painfully. “He did?”

San pulled away with a sorrowful glint in his eyes, “Yeah, it was too much for him… for us.” Hongjoong turned his head around and took a look at the boy battling with Yeosang in the kitchen, his screeches and energetic demeanor gave nothing of a breakdown the night before. When Wooyoung met his eyes, a wide grin spread on his face. “C’mon guys! Yeosang is inhaling everything!”

“Dumb kid.” Hongjoong whispered to himself. San smiled sheepishly, wiping at his eyes. “He is.”

“You too.” Hongjoong knocked his head before reaching out to close the door and pulling the big baby behind him. “Who would pull a stuffed toy with him around even.” San pouted, “How am I to sleep without it?” he sounded offended. Hongjoong had to wonder which one of them was a grown up man. None acted their age in this place.

Wooyoung had his back turned when he latched onto him, hugging him from behind. Wooyoung yelped, “Hyung!” Both Yeosang and San watched them fondly, how Hongjoong refused to lessen his chokehold and Wooyoung crying to be let go, a high blush on his face. He ended up freezing while covering his face with two hands. Boys laughing at his embarrassment and his red ears while Hongjoong snickering in triumph, “My big baby Woo~” Wooyoung whined into his hands, squirming in his place until Hongjoong showed some mercy and maybe his stomach was rumbling too loud for him to cave in.

The night ended up nice. Just how he needed it, familial and comfortable and safe. By midnight, they were all huddled on the big sofa in front of a wide Tv screen, playing a movie that was now on mute. Because Yeosang passed out with his head on Wooyoung’s lap, Wooyoung already snuggled his face on his shoulder from one side, snoring. And San on the other side holding his Shiber in a chokehold while snuggling to him. He wanted to move but somehow their peaceful sleepy faces told him to remain just a few more minutes. Few more minutes perhaps became almost an hour when the ending credits rolled on the tv screen. 

It was peacefully quiet when his phone dinged on his lap and he saw a new message. From Seonghwa. His heart skipped a beat. 

‘How is it going tonight?’ a simple question, but it flipped his insides in a frenzy. His toes curled, ‘Thankfully, I’m doing well.’ He typed back.

‘I assume the brat is there.’ He snickered before muffling it with his paws so he wouldn’t stir anyone. ‘Him plus two others. We are currently in a cuddling session.’

‘You enjoy foursome’ it wasn’t even a question. Hongjoong cringed ‘No! Say sike they are my little bros!’ he winced at the thoughts, shook his head to erase them all. ‘Sike.’ San whined a little at the shakes of his shoulders that resulted from his suppressed laughter.

‘You can be funny if you wanted to.’ Hongjoong typed back. ‘I’m funny.’

‘Yep, with your dry sense of humor, it’s actually funny.’ It was though, something about the dry comebacks and how emotionless they were typed made them funny for some reason.

‘Glad you are feeling better.’

‘How could I not,’ Hongjoong lowered his phone to look at the three kids surrounding him, lit by the tv lights. They looked younger, more peaceful, a warm feeling to having them around him like a fort. Protective and loving and really… no one cared about him as much as them, not even himself did. What would he do without them?

‘I have three babies sleeping on me right now; I don’t think I’m allowed to feel sad in their presence.’

‘Maybe your Wooyoung friend isn’t so bad.’ He chuckled, ‘He definitely isn’t, and so are the other two.’

He was typing when San slid off his shoulder and settled his head on his lap; burying his face in his stomach. Hongjoong smiled fondly. Locked his phone and left it aside and used his hand to pet him. He ran his fingers through his soft locks soothingly.

They were the best thing that could ever happen to him.

No doubt. 

‘They mean a lot to me.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the question still stands, why Joong is giving himself to Seonghwa when he knows so well he shouldn’t? That’s a question for the upcoming update. (It was supposed to be the second half of this one, but I split it when the first half hit 11k ._.)
> 
> Anyways! Hope you enjoyed it and it wasn’t too heavy! 
> 
> Tbh I was skeptical about including all the angst since the universe was built light imo. But I didn’t want things to become cheesy and unrealistic with no emotional depths and reasons. Because we all know whoever we are today is the result of many elements we encountered throughout our lives, whether on the good or the bad side. I wanted Joong’s chara to make more sense, maybe. 
> 
> On a side note, Eden isn’t necessarily a bad character. He just, maybe fucked up pretty badly?
> 
> Also, hope you fell in love with Woosansang with me bcs 😭 I’m so so so whipped for them! 
> 
> I would love to hear what y’all think! Tell me in the comments~ :3 have a nice day lovelies <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of everything, also a little insight into Wooyoung's pov when he went for Eden.

** Scene Five **

Wooyoung couldn’t control himself when he existed Hongjoong’s house, his calm façade crumbled and anger filled his usually happy eyes. He called a cab and headed out, known fully well who he should meet right now.

He tried to remain composed but the fresh memory of his Hyung breaking down triggered him so hard. It was the one scene he despised seeing so much. He hated seeing him this vulnerable and weak, this broken and ruined. It had been so long, he knew Hongjoong still had an underlying layer hidden; he wasn’t foolish enough to believe past traumas could just up and leave easily just like that. People tend to forget by the years, but never get rid of their ruined parts, at risk of confronting them at any random chance. 

Eden had no right to tell him to move on.

He was partly confused when Hongjoong told him, he didn’t believe Eden would say something so insensitive like this. Eden was the closest to a family that they never had. Why would he decide to fuck up like this right now, after all those years?

Wooyoung needed to see him, yell at him, and demand an answer why he triggered Hongjoong like this.

Eden was like a father to them, when he and Hongjoong didn’t have a shelter, he gave them one. When they didn’t have a job, he gave them one. When Hongjoong messed up back then and fucked on cam for the first time, Eden went through hell and forth to protect Hongjoong. He even accepted it with time and patronized him under the company. Others would have kicked him out for the stunt, would have given him shit for it but Eden couldn’t throw Hongjoong away. He cared. He knew he did which was why it angered him the fact he had said such an inconsiderate thing like this. The Eden he knew wouldn’t do something as savage as telling Hongjoong to move on, knowing fully well Hongjoong couldn’t do that for years for all his power and will.

However, that wouldn’t stop Wooyoung from giving him a piece of his mind. He was known for his short temper, also his sensitive nature. He got emotional pretty easily, got angered, got triggered. Seeing Hongjoong seek him out the first time in years that way set him on edge, his knees wouldn’t stop kicking in the car ride and he felt jittery.

Hongjoong meant a lot to him, Hongjoong was his—

_He related to him on so many levels. Except, Hongjoong got kicked out of his home, Wooyoung had run away willingly. He couldn’t fathom what it felt like to get thrown away, abandoned. He was glad he made the choice before it was made for him._

_He was also content, not particularly as affected for he sought that freedom and was happy when he attained it after he escaped._

_His job was good with Eden and he lived on the second floor in a small apartment offered by Eden for a small insignificant part of his salary. He was still lonely most nights, it didn’t dim his mood, he was just vibrant by normal and wanted company._

_Hongjoong was a model for their shop. He would come for his shoots once or twice a week and Wooyoung would try to befriend him but that was close to impossible. The first time he saw him, he was small, pale, and had that distant look in his eyes as if so many secrets were locked by force behind the mist in there. Wooyoung cared about him quite a lot, even when Hongjoong pushed him away profusely._

_Wooyoung just wanted a friend, and in his opinion, Hongjoong needed one too. He didn’t know what got Hongjoong that mute, but he knew it was something big to lose all colors from one’s eyes and force on smiles that screamed pretentious._

_He was correct when he heard screams and cries downstairs and he ran to see what the fuck was going on. He saw Eden holding a collapsing Hongjoong on his feet. The cries belonged to Hongjoong and the colors on his splotchy pale face said it all._

_Hongjoong blacked out and Wooyoung cried his eyes out for Eden to let him stay, to keep him, to not return him to wherever the place he came from. Because wherever Hongjoong was living, he knew it was the farthest away from safe._

_Eden agreed. Wooyoung had a roommate the first in a year. Though, it wasn’t the roommate he thought he might be getting. Hongjoong was a difficult person to deal with. But Wooyoung was persistent and stubborn so he never gave up on him. Not when Hongjoong neglected himself, not when Hongjoong locked himself inside his head for days, weeks, months. Not when he had panic episodes and major breakdowns that became Wooyoung’s role to pull him above them. It became second nature for Wooyoung to take care of him. Especially after one day, Hongjoong spilled everything and Wooyoung knew he was right when he thought Hongjoong needed someone the first he saw him._

_Wooyoung was protective by instincts and a really caring person. He treasured Hongjoong so much. He sympathized with him on so many levels._

_Despite Hongjoong being beyond crooked, he still filled the loneliness in Wooyoung’s life. And Wooyoung looked after him like his one precious family. He would force him to eat, put him to shower, and cuddle him in nights where nightmares didn’t leave Hongjoong alone. He would make sure to bath Hongjoong with beautiful words, remind him he was cared about, and loved so much. It was torturously slow progress but it was progress nevertheless._

_He was glad when Yeosang arrived into the picture a little later and he wasn’t on his own anymore. He finally had someone to share with, rely on when he also needed a break to collect his thoughts and self._

_Eden protected them; Eden saw Hongjoong breakdown at random times and let him be, excused him and postponed work for his mental and physical health sake. Eden also saw Wooyoung ground Hongjoong on a daily basis; he saw the hard recovery it took Hongjoong to get over his fucked up past._

_Wooyoung grew attached. Grew possessive enough to protect his Hyung at all costs. No one was allowed to ruin all the hard work it took him to pull Hongjoong out of that thick mist in his head._

_Even when Hongjoong was okay, even when the progress gave results, it didn’t take away from his old habits. Wooyoung naturally cared about him. Even after many years, he still made sure he ate, he showered, he slept well. He made sure no one bothered him. Heck, he even watched his streams in fear something triggered him._

_Sometimes, he pondered talking Hongjoong out of that sick coping mechanism, that it wasn’t healthy to seek validation from strangers by putting himself out like that. That he shouldn’t need to strip off for people to know he was beautiful and appreciated enough. However, Hongjoong refused any relationships and he needed validation. It contradicted so badly. Wooyoung couldn’t force him into a relationship when he saw how the last one fucked him up. He also couldn’t take away the one thing that kept him sane._

_He couldn’t do anything but stick by his side watching and making sure he stayed safe._

_He loved Hongjoong so much but he didn’t like it when he got sentimental and tender which was why he cringed most times. He didn’t really cringe though as much as he showed. It was just seeing Hongjoong that raw and demonstrative scared him. He feared the bare broken Hongjoong would make a comeback so he preferred his snarky side. He preferred to be pestered by him daily if it meant Hongjoong was healthy enough to have the strength to annoy and bully him. That strangely relieved him._

_Watching Hongjoong invest in someone the first in years left Wooyoung perplexed. Both happy and worried. He didn’t know what it was about that Seonghwa guy that left Hongjoong this wounded but he welcomed it as long as Hongjoong finally found an escape from his toxic life._

_Wooyoung wouldn’t hesitate to give Seonghwa a good piece of his mind if he fucked with his Hyung. But Hongjoong said it would be his fault this time. The sentence left him more apprehensive and frazzled but he was helpless, he couldn’t do anything but hope the guy didn’t add to Hongjoong’s fucked up mentality. Hongjoong, despite showing nonchalance, he knew how unstable he was. He knew when Hongjoong called him, and he heard the cries he hadn’t heard in a long while. His heart dropped and he ran on impulse. He thought it might be Seonghwa, but he didn’t believe it was Jaehyun, nevertheless, Eden of all people to fuck up._

It was night when he arrived at the company’s building. He stomped his feet to Eden’s office. Three people were allowed to walk in unannounced and those would be him, Hongjoong and Yeosang.

Wooyoung bowed in eerily calmness to the secretary and walked past her without permission. He stepped into the office and closed the door behind him. Eden sat at the desk in front of him.

“I expected you.” Eden smiled humorlessly. Instead of blowing, Wooyoung cold voice spoke, “Do you have any explanation for what the fuck happened?” he seethed.

The fake smile dropped and Eden sighed tiredly, “I believe not.”

“Why are you doing this?” his voice raised a tad bit, anger blistering underneath. He reasoned with himself to give the man a chance. This was Eden. Eden was a family. An almost family. They cared about him. They respected him. Why?

“It’s a huge misunderstanding, Wooyoung.” Wooyoung narrowed his eyes, “You call this a misunderstanding?” he spoke low, “How does telling him to move on be said by mistake?” 

Eden grimaced. “I didn’t mean it like that,” Eden ran a hand through his hair frustratingly, “It was meant as, he must be strong enough now, that he is capable of handling it because he is grown up and—”

“No one is strong enough for lifelong traumas!” Wooyoung blew, eyes sharp and teeth gritting, “you just had to word it like that! Like his traumas meant nothing and he should move on from them!” Wooyoung tried to breathe, “He fucking had a panic attack because of you and that fuckface!”

Eden’s hand trailed down and he covered his face, inhaling deeply. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“Like hell, yes you didn’t. If you did, I wouldn't be standing here right now! You are better than belittling his insecurities.”

“I’m not, I would never,” there was regret in Eden’s eyes, a strain in his voice. “It was just a lot of pressure, the sponsors forced me to include Jaehyun, I tried negotiating and it didn’t work,” he was stressed. 

“It wasn’t like I could simply excuse it by telling them their model is an abuser and offensive person,” Eden explained. It started to make some sense. Or the remorse he was showing quelled Wooyoung’s temper a tad bit. “I had to talk to the man personally and warn him but that fucker didn’t heed any warning and still violated Hongjoong.” Wooyoung really wanted to find Jaehyun and maybe kick him too. He let a frustrated loud exhale and took a pace around the room to calm down. “Fuck fuck fuck!” he kicked at the floor angrily.

“I’m sorry, Woo.” Wooyoung flipped his head to look in his eyes. “Apologize to him, I don’t know how but explain it to him.” Wooyoung glared, not as sharp, but the anger in there wasn’t all pointed at Eden. “You mean a lot to him and now he believes you saw him just as how everyone else did all that time.”

“Why would he?” Eden rubbed at his face roughly, Wooyoung knew the man regretted it, and might have fucked up pretty badly too. He also knew Eden cared a bunch about them. He wouldn’t hurt them on purpose. At least, that he knew so well.

“You know, you can never understand how the brain works for a damaged person.” It made sense, but also didn't. He knew Hongjoong couldn’t see past his hurt right now, his thoughts must be clouded by negativity. 

“Are you all finished yelling?” both turned and saw Yeosang by the door. “How long have you been here?”

Yeosang stepped in, “Since I heard all the yelling. I was about to step in but it seems you both calmed enough.” Yeosang judged them both with narrowed eyes, “Care to explain what all this about?”

“I will tell you later, I need something to drink first.” Wooyoung pulled Yeosang with him. 

“Apologize.” Wooyoung cast Eden one last look before walking out.

Yeosang kept eying him worriedly across the dining table where they resided for the night. Yeosang didn’t press him to speak but Wooyoung did either way because he knew if he didn’t he would suffocate himself.

And he kind of expected the hug Yeosang gave him outside the restaurant. “Shush… it will be okay, he has us.” Yeosang whispered into his hair as he wrapped him in his arms securely. Wooyoung slumped against him, didn’t bother to lift his arms and hug back, just buried his face in the side of Yeosang’s neck as small trembles shook his body. He wanted to speak but he feared the dam he had been holding back would finally break him down. It was just Yeosang’s hugs that did these things to him.

When he was made to be strong for Hongjoong all those years back, Yeosang nursed his breakdowns. Yeosang saw him the barest at low times where he didn’t allow Hongjoong to see him vulnerable. He couldn’t help it when he was enveloped in the familiar embrace after such a long time when he needed it the most, the arms that knew just the right way to hold him together.

“I was scared… I-I… it’s been so long since I saw him like this…” the shock of the event still running spikes through his nerves, a few trails of wetness slid off to disappear into Yeosang’s collar. 

“I know… but we are here… we will make it okay.” He felt the kiss Yeosang pressed to his temple and he took a deep shaky breath, didn’t speak anything above it. He remained in the embrace for a long while, a hand rubbing his back and the other carding the hair at his nape gently.

Yeosang insisted on delivering him home for San. He didn’t mention it when he saw Yeosang sneakily type a message for San, though he didn’t focus much on what was written. He knew when he arrived at their apartment complex and met San outside waiting for him, all huddled up in a warm fuzzy sweater, hands tucked in his pockets for the slightly chilling weather.

It was weird how he was always the one strong for Hongjoong but now he was moving out of Yeosang’s arms into San’s opened ones. They always babied him that way and he couldn’t say anything about it.

He saw Yeosang give San a meaningful look before waving them both goodbye and got into his car.

He stayed in San’s arms outside for a solid fifteen minutes, crying silently. San patiently waited for him to cry it to his heart content, nothing said just comforting strokes along his back.

Wooyoung pulled back with sore eyes and wet flushed cheeks, San looking back at him with softened edges, caressing the wetness off his cheeks away. Wooyoung leaned in and pressed his mouth to his, didn’t really care about the salty taste of his lips, just needed that timid small contact.

San kissed him back chastely, knowing that Wooyoung didn’t need a deep kiss, just the comfort of the small lingering touch between them.

He let San lead him into their shared apartment, change his own clothes, washed his face for him as he sat at the counter with spaced-out eyes. He let San help him to some food and water before laying him comfortably in their bed.

He felt too woozy and faint, spooned in San’s arms as he burrowed his head under San’s, inhaling the comforting scent. Wooyoung, in his exhausted state, mumbled everything to him, told him everything that happened, and how they should go visit Hongjoong tomorrow. 

Though, he failed to notice how San went rigid or how his expressions locked down. Maybe if he was sober enough he would have realized how everything affected San drastically and how he should have been more cautious in delivering the news. But he wasn’t and San didn’t speak of it, just held him tighter until he thought he couldn’t breathe.

He let it be. For now, he allowed himself to lose it, so tomorrow he could collect himself together again and return to his place as Hongjoong’s pillar. Hongjoong needed him strong, he couldn’t afford to show this side of himself in front of his Hyung. Hongjoong needn’t extra hustle, he needed someone strong so he himself could be strong too.

And he was, strong. He just needed a small break to let it all rest and fall back into place.

\---- 

“C’mon, he asked to see you multiple times now.” Wooyoung nagged for the umpteenth time. Hongjoong wouldn’t budge. An indifferent look on his face while scrolling on his phone. 

Wooyoung scowled when he didn’t get a reaction. “Are you seriously gonna continue to act like this?” 

Hongjoong took a few seconds before he put his phone down and looked at the boy sitting on his bed beside him. “Yes.” Hongjoong returned to his phone just like that. Wooyoung screeched frustratingly. “Fuck it. I’m telling Yeosang.” Before Hongjoong could tell him not to, Wooyoung was out of the door, letting a series of curses behind him.

Hongjoong wanted to throw his phone at the door with his boiling irritation. He didn’t though when a message from Seonghwa lightened the screen. 

‘You should give it a chance if the person sincerely wants to apologize to you.’

‘But how am I possibly going to overlook what he said to me!’ Hongjoong typed furiously before pressing send. He ran a restless hand through his already messy hair. He waited for Seonghwa to type back.

The thing was, Eden wanted to meet him and tried to contact him multiple times the past week, but Hongjoong couldn’t. He still felt resentful and aggrieved. Just the thought of seeing him soured his mood.

‘I might not know what he’s done, but you should listen to his apology. Even if you won’t forgive him, at least you will sedate your conscience.’ Hongjoong frowned. He stared at the message for a long time.

He hated it but it was a good point. At least later, he wouldn’t be told it was his fault he was stubborn and didn’t listen. That Eden tried to apologize but he refused. The blame would be put on him. Besides, it would feel better for his bruised self at best to know it received an apology. He wouldn’t forgive him, just take the apology he very much deserved.

He wondered if it wasn’t Eden, would he still act as obdurate. He knew the pain was twice as awful because a person of a great consequence delivered it. Any stranger wouldn’t put him on edge like this. 

He sighed, ‘I will think about it.’

\--- 

Hongjoong hadn’t gone live for more than two weeks now, since he did that stunt for Seonghwa. Plus all the bad things that happened last week with that pig and Eden. 

It still made him anxious to go live but his fans started to question it for he never took such long breaks. He felt bad for them, he even apologized a few days ago, saying he was busy and didn’t have time. It was a lie obviously but he honestly couldn’t bring himself to go naked in front of the camera for now.

Which was why he was now making a mini photo session in his dressing room to make up for it. It felt less threatening to post pics instead of a stream.

Also he needed a distraction from the whole stressing issues with his work but he rather not admit it or think about it. 

He stood in an oversized hoodie as he rummaged through his closet. Lingerie, thongs, and satin sleep wears scattered around him on the floor in his search to find something to put on.

After a long struggle he beamed when he found a perfect item. He stripped naked before he slid into a high cut, flowery trimmed lace panty that snug around his v line until the curve of his waist, his cock trapped and showing through it. Maybe now he could make use of the collar and handcuffs Wooyoung brought him. The black knitted leather held tight around his neck. The black metal handcuffs hung from each wrist. It looked tantalizing.

To make it a little more fun, he draped a white oversized dress shirt, the piece fell halfway over his thick milky thighs.

He dropped in front of the wall-length mirror. Clothes were a mess behind him as he spread his legs wide, shirt opened and gave a teasing half view to his body. He grinned slyly, messed his hair, and snapped a picture just like that. He took his lip between his teeth and leaned back on one hand, tilted his head innocently despite the provocation, he snapped another picture. The photo session took more time as he posed more in front of the mirror, taunting and suggestive. The last one had a fucked out face he faked as he laid sideways on the floor, shirt falling halfway down to show some of his bare back. He purposefully lifted his ass up and looked underneath his lashes, one finger bitten between his teeth, before snapping the last one. 

He got up and beamed at the collection he now had.

He didn’t bother changing as he sat there editing and adjusting the pictures before putting them out. He muted his applications because he knew the feedback would break his phone most definitely.

He smiled in satisfaction. He got up and took one last look in the mirror, appreciating his handiwork but then a sinister idea popped. He opened his camera and started a video recording.

The video had his back facing the mirror, he slowly trailed a hand down the shirt covering him. He reached his thigh, squeezed it before slowly trailing it up provocatively, the shirt caught on his cuff and it trailed up to show his ass cheeks, the panty almost slipping between the crack of his ass. He looked over his shoulder at the mirror, bit his lip and grinned then pulled the panty up and it fully slid in between, licentious and rude.

“Wan’ you.” He faked a whine before cracking into a cheeky smile. He ended the video with a smack to his cheek, the sound lewd yet bewitching.

‘Are you busy?’ Hongjoong didn’t bother to change once more when he settled down and leaned against the mirror. He flippantly waited for a reply. ‘The meeting ends in fifteen minutes.’ He still wondered how unfocused Seonghwa could be to message him instead of paying attention to his meetings. 

He might be crazy, but he felt like being naughty for a change. He sent the video with no caption.

His nerves tingled when the seen sign appeared. Fuck fuck fuck. He fiddled with his cuffs as he waited, cock twitching in interest. Just the idea of Seonghwa getting hard in his meeting watching him was so enthralling and mouth-watering.

‘Wait.’ Hongjoong knew he won when he received the one word. 

‘Patient for daddy.’ He would have patted his lashes coyly but he smiled slyly instead. His hand slowly stroked himself through the lace as he waited, as patiently as he could.

Five minutes it took his phone to ring. ‘Bad boy,’ Hongjoong surpassed a giggle, “thought daddy would like it.” He played innocently. However, who was he lying to?

‘Told you fifteen minutes, do you like me to fuck you in front of a crowd?’ Seonghwa bit abruptly and he inhaled sharp. “N-No…” he mumbled, face hot. Suddenly shy and shameful, “I don’t want anyone to see me break down for your cock…” Hongjoong sagged back on the mirror, fingers twitching. 

‘Why, don’t you like entertaining your crowds?’ he did. He did but—

“Not the way you have me, ‘s different… I—” you are special. Everything is different when it comes to you.

‘How different, show me.’ Hongjoong let out helpless small noises as he sneakily stroked himself. “I didn’t film a video l-like this for ‘em… it was only for you… wan’ your cock, no one else’s.”

‘But you’ve been a bad boy,’ Hongjoong whined, “…’m sorry.” His toes curled and his legs felt light and shaky. 

‘You aren’t. You are getting off on this.’ He was. ‘I know you are stroking your cock in that slutty panty of yours.’ Hongjoong gasped, a lurch in his lower belly left him lightheaded. ‘Does it feel nice having it pulled up your ass like that?’ He was hot. He was breathless. ‘Y-Yes, it feels nice— it f-feels nice thinking about your cock getting hard for me in your suit— i-it’s turning me so fucking on— ah!” he gasped over a hard stroke, felt the cum leak through the trims, god he was close. So close. ‘Don’t you need me then? You can get off on your own it seems.’ Seonghwa reprimanded him. 

Hongjoong recoiled, “B-But I like hearing your voice, hnggg… I like getting off on your voice.”

‘Open a cam, show me how you're gonna cum in that tight piece you have on.’ Hongjoong stumbled on his knees, was on four when he faced the mirror. He didn’t know a short call with Seonghwa would get him this disheveled. His hair beginning to stick with sweat, his face flushed deep crimson that reached under the collar and down his chest. His breaths ragged and lips were swollen with no kiss. Oh, how he would die for a deep throat kiss right now. He cried softly, “Wanna kiss you…” his voice shook, small and weak. As if asking for something too sensitive. Maybe give away how intimate he wanted to be with the man in more ways than sex.

“Feel like kissin’ you…” Seonghwa cooed at him, his strict façade breaking to his unreserved persona. ‘Show me, baby.’

Hongjoong opened his camera and he sat there on the heels of his feet. Legs wide and phone held in a hand while the other braced himself on the floor between his trembling knees. The shirt had already fallen and rested on his elbows. He didn’t know if Seonghwa could see clearly the cum stain soling his black panty or not. 

‘Just as pretty.’ Hongjoong closed his eyes, letting the words sedate him. ‘You won’t hold long,’ yes, he knew he wouldn’t. He would die to cum right now. His eyes were already wet with exaggeration.

‘Cum from my talking only.’ Hongjoong wanted to protest, a cry at the tip of his tongue but Seonghwa immediately shut up any words he wanted to utter, ‘you can do that for me right, doll? You said you like cumming to my voice, focus on it.’ He inhaled deeply, tried to calm down as he closed his eyes. He focused on Seonghwa and Seonghwa only. Imagining he was there and he could be touched any minute now. “P-Please…” he spoke small, resilient.

‘Yeah baby, it wouldn’t be different either way… if I was there I would hold those handcuffs to your bed,’ Hongjoong imagined, restrained and displayed wide for Seonghwa as he eyed every part of his body hungrily, those dark… really dark eyes… ‘You wouldn’t be able to touch yourself, but would so desperately want to get off, squirming, begging me, you would cry hard but I would just watch you…’ Hongjoong shuddered, felt overwhelmed and scorched in his skin.

‘Like a piece of art, displayed for everyone to watch, horny and hard and a fucking mess,’ Seonghwa taunted, ‘my messy little boy.’ Hongjoong’s toes curled, chest heaving hard. 

‘You would watch me jerk off to you and you wouldn’t know what to peg for, letting you cum or spill my cum on you.’ Hongjoong cried, a strangled voice in his throat, “Hwa H-Hwa Hwa please please p-please,” He squeezed his eyes and tears slipped out, he sobbed “it hurts… hn… daddy… ahhh…” Hongjoong unconsciously tried to rub his knees together for a pathetic attempt for small friction but his cock was up and strained in his underwear.

‘Keep looking at me as I cum all over your small body, stomach, your face while you tug against those cuffs, tongue out for little cum.’ He didn’t realize he was rocking his hips pathetically, whining and shaking. ‘Then let you taste it off my fingers,’ Hongjoong slipped his tongue out instinctively, panting, ‘such a good boy,’ he shuddered, ‘you desperately sucking on my fingers, popping your head deeply and gagging on them, oh how a pretty mess.’

“Hwa…” he looked at himself in the mirror and he knew what the mess Seonghwa was talking about. He was so wrecked already. Flushed glossed skin, trembling body, glazed eyes and thick wet lashes. Red bitten lips. 

‘Beg.’

“You- you still wouldn’t let me even if I begged you!” Hongjoong cried as he curled forward, delirious and heady, he protested childishly even when he knew he wouldn’t do anything unless Seonghwa permitted him so. “I would beg! W-Want your cock! Want your cum! Want you here to fuck me and take me apart and _hold me_!” He spilled out one by one— “God how much I _need_ you! Look at me!” Hongjoong’s wet eyes looked straight at the camera in the mirror, a wreck. “I need you here, want you behind me to lean on you, give myself to you— let you take me in all the ways you desire _me_!” he lost his mind. He definitely did. He gasped softly, panting hard.

‘I will thrust in you as hard as you wish baby, watch you take the pain and pleasure and enjoy all the cries you spill.’ His voice was dark, so dark and sinful. Wicked. Hongjoong thought he might pass out. He felt dizzy, if he didn’t nurse his painful hard on he might lose his mind. 

‘Imagine it Hongjoong, imagine the sharp burn of your tight hole stretched around my cock, imagine how it feels to be stuffed of hard cock and cum and pounded into ruthlessly as you take it all while begging for more.’ And he did imagine it with a sharp gasp, his rim clenching and unclenching around nothing, the urge to reach for it and rub it so strong, he didn’t mind spitting on his fingers and slid them in. He just needed the stretch, needed the fill, needed anything. Seonghwa’s leaking cock slicked and hard and hot deep inside. He cried. 

He imagined more. He imagined himself pushed down forcefully to the floor in front of this mirror, watching his back getting pounded by Seonghwa’s cock mercilessly, all the sweat and naked skin and the smell of sex clouding the room. His cries, tears, drool and sweat coating him. Seonghwa’s moans and his cum obscenely slithering down the insides of his trembling thighs while held by bruising hands and continuously cumming pathetically.

Hongjoong didn’t comprehend the burning white rush through him, the intense pressure in his belly unfolding as his muscles clenched and unclenched. He choked on the intensity of his orgasm, his hand instantly palmed his cock as he shook forcefully, milking every bit of it as he whimpered. Overwhelmed, he had started crying unreasonably. His body was just so flared and sensitive and god, he didn’t know he would cum untouched like this.

In his focus on his orgasm, he didn’t hear any of Seonghwa’s soothing words or soft grunts. ‘—beautiful.’ But he was glad he caught the one word. He looked at the camera, sniffling and tried to wipe the tears, but they kept falling and falling and he felt so hot, hot and embarrassed and overwhelmed. He honestly had no idea that his body was going through but the relief was too strong it left him in an ugly mess of tears and a runny nose.

‘Was it too much for your body baby?’ Seonghwa spoke softly. Hongjoong’s heart swung in his chest. “N-No… ‘s just…” Hongjoong tried to regulate his breathing, “No one got me off with words before, ‘s overwhelming…” He mumbled, voice soft and weak. His sweat dripping down, ‘Did you like it?’ he did. It was new; it was intense and dangerous in a way like each nerve in his body was lit on fire and he was forced to endure the burn until he was mercifully relieved. 

“I don’ think I came this hard before…” Hongjoong scooted to the mirror and slumped against it. He dropped the phone to take a couple of breaths, chest heaving hard still. 

The angle was upside down from the camera. ‘You look gorgeous,’ Hongjoong smiled, fucked out. “Thank you.”

“Don’t you have work or something?” Hongjoong titled his face to the mirror, fixing some of his hair with a pout. He looked like an appalling mess. 

‘You hate to be left alone after sex.’ The comment came offhand, his heart leaped up his throat. “I…” he was blushing hot and he suddenly felt all shy and timid. He expected Seonghwa to notice, but not to be vocal about it or initiate it. Not to voice it out like he _cared_.

“It’s okay now I guess?” he mumbled bashfully, “Still need to shower and eat something.” He fumbled with the ends of his shirt, subtly conscious of the uncomfortable drying cum in his panties.

‘Get up then,’ Hongjoong stumbled on his jelly feet, needed a few steps for his blood to circulate back normally. He stripped down his clothes, wrinkling his nose when he threw the dirty underwear away. He took off the collar and handcuffs before he leaned down to pick the phone off the floor, completely naked. He smirked, “Hope you are enjoying the show.” The sly kitty knew what he was doing when he stripped above the camera. 

‘You beg to be wrecked.’ Seonghwa said amusedly. Hongjoong skipped on his feet. “Yes, I do. What about it?”

‘I will tell you what about it when you are not swaying on your feet.’ Hongjoong puffed his cheeks in a pout despite how hot they were, probably red, “Meanie.”

‘Go take a shower; I have another meeting in thirteen minutes.’ Even if he didn’t want to hang up, he knew he couldn’t stay naked and stand like that in his living room. Moreover, he couldn’t keep Seonghwa for himself. “’kay!” Seonghwa chuckled, ‘Goodbye.’

“Bye~” and he hung up. He stood there in the silence for a few minutes, nursing his beating heart in his chest.

And yes, he was fully aware of his manifesting feelings to a dangerous extent. But he refused to think about it. He busied himself with something else, a shower, yep! He needed a long shower and food for his growling tummy.

\----

Hongjoong didn’t think his stubborn ass would bring him the man to his house. 

He was just chilling in his living room wondering how come San had forgotten his precious stuffed toy in here when the bell rang. 

When he opened his front door, he didn’t expect Wooyoung and Yeosang to be there escorting Eden into his house. He immediately averted his eyes as he opened his door wider and let them in, suddenly conscious and cowering on himself.

“Hi, Hongjoong.” Hongjoong mumbled a modest ‘hi’ back without meeting the man’s eyes. He didn’t care he was in pajamas and fuzzy slippers when he sat on the opposite of Eden. Aware of his friends’ presence at his back, listening but also not, giving them just enough privacy so he wouldn’t feel overwhelmed on his own.

He knew he couldn’t escape it when Wooyoung told him he was resorting to Yeosang. He could definitely now see the boy pulling such a stunt and bring the man to him instead.

“How have you been?” Eden spoke gently, as if dealing with a wild animal carefully. He could be considered more ‘wounded’ than wild. He would still lash to protect himself.

“Good, I think.” His voice was diminutive and hesitant. His hands clutching San’s big plushie to his chest as if it could protect him from the exposing stares. He looked more hurt than angry, but he liked to believe he didn’t bare the prior one.

“I’m sorry about what I said, I didn’t mean any of it,” Eden spoke sincerely and Hongjoong’s eyes burned on the spot. His stares trained on his slippers resolutely, but he listened. “It was wrong of me to say them to you, I should have known better.”

“You are more like my little brother,” Eden continued. “I wouldn’t want to hurt you purposefully, I fucked up so bad but I’m apologizing for it because I regret it so much,” Eden stressed the words, pained and desperate in delivering them. “Don’t ever think I would belittle your fears and past, I said them because I believe you are strong now and can counter them, and _you are_ , but it came out insensitive and so wrong and I wouldn’t want you to keep hurting because of it.” 

Hongjoong inhaled shakily, but it did nothing to keep the tears in place. He cried, because how else would he inflate the dense pressure in his chest? It was too crushing and terrifying, his hands a painful white grips on the plushie.

“I t-thought you… I thought you saw me like them, y-you believe I-I deserve to hear those words still…” he sniffed, eyes bloodshot and classy.

“God Hongjoong, I would never…” Eden stood up and moved to sit beside him. He didn’t flinch. He cried harder. “You said I’ve been hearing this for y-years, I should move on by now.” He sobbed and Eden laid a heavy arm around his trembling body. “I couldn’t Eden, n-no matter what I-I couldn’t do that…”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Hongjoong.” Eden held him to his chest sideways and Hongjoong took that opportunity to bury his face in Eden’s shoulder and cry it until his heart was satisfied. 

“Shush… you are plenty strong right now; look at you, so successful with so many people who love you.” Eden rubbed a soothing hand along his small frame; it did wonders to the tension ripping Hongjoong apart. He hung on the words Eden spoke to him until he was left a faint sniffling mess with buffy distant eyes. He felt all the tension slip off his body, head empty, lethargic and spent in the best ways.

He let his body rest on Eden and closed his eyes, now calm and tired and the silence too enveloping he wanted to close his eyes and pass out. This was so draining. But at least Eden said every word he didn’t know he needed so badly.

He felt a hand thread his hair and he mustered all his energy to bear up, chin resting on Eden’s shoulder to support it. With his bleary vision, he saw Wooyoung smiling down at him softly, Yeosang beside him eying him with the same fond looks. “Let’s get you to bed.”

He didn’t know what else happened in his half-conscious head. He knew he should have talked more to Eden, apologize for all the vile words he yelled in his face that day. But he couldn’t when his head was shutting down. He barely managed to offer a small goodbye, told Eden he would talk to him later. 

The boys stayed behind a little more. They helped him to his bed, babied a little more to sleep. And in all honesty, Hongjoong then just needed a little cooing to drop into unconsciousness just like that, peacefully. Away from all the stress. 

\---

However, when he woke up at midnight to an empty house, his mood curdled and he couldn’t explain the heaviness but he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

It happened sometimes, these bouts of depression hitting him. He wouldn’t have any reason for them, like now, Eden had apologized, he heard everything he wanted and needed to and he should feel satisfied but he didn’t. Everything was suffocating and lonely in a way he couldn’t make sense of.

Maybe the fact he realized he wasn’t okay, he was still weak and broken. A damaged person.

It was unreasonable when one felt low and suddenly all bad memories decided it was a good time to make a comeback, just to make things hundred times more complicated that he wouldn’t know which one at fault for choking him. 

He hated pitying himself; he hated feeling bad and sorry for everything he went through, for what he became. How much more pathetic could he get if so, he was old and strong and independent yet he still relied on many toxic resources to calm himself. It was impossible to pull from and change. Habits. Habits were made to stick around for as long as they could. Hongjoong was stuck in his fragile glass box, easily tainted, easily shattered. Weak, contemptible. So tragic.

Self-hatred was clawing at him and he wanted to scream. However, he had screamed a lot those days and it only added to the repulsion. Another proof he was a fuck up despicable shit.

Where were all these negativities spurting? There was no reason for any; he knew that yet he was hiding under his blankets, as if they could shield him from the merciless thoughts. But those thoughts were inside his head. 

Nothing of these were new, nothing of these should taunt him like this, Eden apologized, he had his friends around, and his life was good but he still felt cornered and threatened, by his own head. His dark obnoxious mind.

Hongjoong gasped. Suddenly out of breath, he shot up from the bed and kicked agitatedly at the blankets as if they burned his skin. Eyes wide and panicked, his skin felt hot and clammy and he heaved, tried to calm down when his rips closed in on his lungs and he felt it crumble underneath. His heart wrenching itself ruthlessly.

He got on his feet, stumbled when his limbs felt numb. He paced around the room restlessly, unstable hands running through his damp sweaty hair— “I can’t call Woo, I can’t call the boys, what should I do what should I do what should I do—” he couldn’t call. He troubled them enough this whole week, he already dumped his depressing shit on them and he couldn’t do it. He couldn't bring himself to do it no matter what— heck, they were here just hours ago, what would they say if he called now. They left him in a good place and he couldn’t keep it for a few hours to break down yet again this ugly. They would be so sick of him. They probably already so fucking tried of his stunts.

Hell, he was so fucking tired with himself too; was so sick of everything already. He couldn’t even remain stable for all he could. “Fuck fuck fuck—” Hongjoong paced to the living room— what should he do what should he do what should he— drops of sweat fell down his pale face, his whole body threatened to deteriorate and he couldn’t hear anything above his hammering pulsation and ragged breaths.

He looked around— everywhere was empty, empty and lonely and secluded. He was lonely, he knew he wasn’t but the vacant place and eerily quietness heightened his hearing but he felt deaf with the silence, the walls all of a sudden were moving and he felt them closing on him, caving in, space so small and suffocating, closed, everything claustrophobic. He couldn’t brea…

Black dots danced in his vision and he swayed on his feet, thankfully caught himself on the back of the sofa before he fell face first to the marble floor. He waited until his vision cleared a little, tried to steady himself. And he saw it.

San’s stuffed plushie was still forgotten there.

He padded with desperate steps, leaning on the long sofa for support until he reached it on the other end. He took it with two trembling arms and held it tight to his chest. He collapsed on the sofa and curled in a small ball. Holding the big stuffed toy like dear life, breathing in San’s and weirdly, Wooyoung’s scent in the fabric.

He urged his mind to go blank, thinking of nothing aside Wooyoung’s silly taunting, San’s ridiculous obsession with stuffed toys, Yeosang’s beauty hacks he spent nights applying on them. He tried to think of vibrant things, his friends, his fans, the many happy moments where he felt the most loved.

He thought of Seonghwa too.

And he didn’t know why every time he thought of him, his eyes welled more with tears and he cried.

He held the plushie tighter, curled smaller. Tried to ignore the silence detaining him, the emptiness surrounding him.

After what felt like forever where he burrowed his face in the fluffy toy, he got up. All hollow and drained, he walked on limb feet to his room, the plushie dragged behind him until he reached his bed and dropped on it. He laid on the mattress, laid the plushie in his arms as he reached for his phone.

Stupid. 

Stupid, stupid dumb Hongjoong. So foolish and laughable. Brainless. 

He still typed the message numbly and sent it.

Zero rational thoughts.

‘Hey, can you make time for me tonight, I think I need you, please…’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this considered a cliffhanger?... Dunno...  
> We are almost there tho! hehe  
> Sorry for taking longer to update this, so many things are happening at the moment. Hopefully this gives you a break from the stress for a small while.  
> Please take care of yourself and the people around you, everyone needs someone at the moment.
> 
> Would love to read your comments, don't forget to leave me sum <3 have a nice day babies and stay safe.


	6. Chapter 6

**Scene Six**

‘What do you need from me?’ Hongjoong laid splayed on his bed, breathing jaggedly, his chest kept agitating but he focused on Seonghwa’s calm and collected voice for guidance. 

He knew this was wrong. In no way was calling Seonghwa to help him was a good idea. 

It was selfish and Seonghwa didn’t deserve to be dragged into his mess just because he wanted fucking validation to calm himself. Moreover, not anyone’s validation, he needed it from no one other than Seonghwa. It freaked him out. This was _new._ So foreign to him. 

It was Seonghwa. Only Seonghwa. No one else’s words mattered at this moment except his and Hongjoong loathed himself for it. A blended feeling of desperate need and self-deprecation making his head spin. His rational mind had no say in this. He should cut the line and spare himself the humiliation, and for Seonghwa the whole shit show he was about to make of himself. Yet, why couldn’t he do just that?

He was disgusted. He still cried pathetically. 

“Get me out of my head p-please, I don’t want to think, I don’t want to go there— help me.” _I need you._ Seonghwa must be mortified. 

Hongjoong shivered intensely, voice strained, choking. Knowing fully well how much he was going to regret all of this when he had a clear head. 

Each day he was leaking more, slipping more of his real ugly self. Each fucking day he was letting Seonghwa in on more than what he supposed to know. 

Frightening. How he was escalating fast and dangerously. He was no longer capable of control. 

Seonghwa went quiet for a second; that second was almost enough to throw him into the deepest pit of his sick insecure head. Thousand thoughts questioning him, ‘ _what the fuck are you doing? What are you expecting? Are you freaking insane?’_ screamed inside his head. This was wrong. Terribly wrong. He was setting himself up. Maybe he was insane for real and he was just now realizing it.

One single step out of the imaginary safe bubble he locked himself in for years, and he was easily thrown into a massive swirl of self-doubt and fright and distress. He just couldn’t have good things, could he?

Seonghwa spoke calm through the blares in his head, like a lighthouse through the raging storm inside him. He was too composed and temperate. ‘Is this what you _need_?’ 

No, this was the farthest of what he needed. He needed _him_ , his presence, reassurances that _he_ was stable enough, good enough, worthy enough… some way to tell him he meant something, something more, someone fucking special. But he couldn’t get that. Because what was between them wasn’t built on emotions. Everything was a sexual game. A fucking game that supposed to be laughs and giggles. Not this mess and him breaking down like a freak and _selfishly_ wanting the man to stick around with it. 

“This is what I _want._ ” His voice was gone with the word. So, so greedy. 

‘I don’t think it will be good for you,’ Hongjoong held his breath, scared, was this the rejection he feared? The- 

‘How about you talk to me instead,’ – No, no, no! No Talking! ‘I can listen to yo—’ Talking meant spilling everything to Seonghwa, meant going through everything terrifying in his head. He wanted to escape it. He wanted digression from it. Not facing them in front of the least person, he wished to witness it. 

He might already be delusional with whatever all this was but he wouldn’t believe Seonghwa would stay once he spilled his guts for him. That’s plain crazy. 

“N-No, I c-can’t, I don’t want to—I, please.” The fear was pitiable in his voice. Pleading. “If you want to leave ‘s okay but I-I c-can’t talk ab-about it—”

‘Alright,’ Seonghwa cut him shortly; he spoke deep unlike the usual lightness in his tone. Serious. A switch flipped. ‘I need consent from you,’ Hongjoong shuddered involuntarily.

“F-For what…?” his throat dried. He curled smaller, pressed his knees to his chest. 

‘It might get too intense for you, if you want me to get you out of your head.’ Hongjoong had no idea what he meant. Seonghwa seemed to understand his silent confusion so he continued, ‘I’m not there to help you out of a drop. If you went too deep into subspace. A negative one.’ Hongjoong buried his face in his knees, his breath hot and shallow. “Normally I don’t.”

‘ _Normally_ , I back down before you do.’ He immediately cut him, ‘I figured from the beginning you are not used to it Hongjoong, your mind is not.’ Hongjoong bit his lip, conflicted. ‘Subbing intensely is really unsafe if you went too deep without precautions. Moreover, you haven’t done it in years or could be never, going from zero to hundred has its risks.’ Even when he was trying so hard to speak level-headedly, worry seeped through his words. Hongjoong noticed and didn’t know what to make of it.

Weird, how it suddenly made sense when Seonghwa broke his serious façade amidst the times they fucked on the phone before. Seonghwa always got rid of any strict domineering persona with a light remark when he heard him losing it. 

He never heed it much thought, but it seemed that Seonghwa paid attention to the smallest details. An expert in these things or he just, cared?

Now that he was thinking more of it, he didn’t recall the last time he experienced this. That was perhaps, years back, before he dropped out of college. When his roommate used to fuck him, when the whole thing turned into a miserable experience.

The feeling was not pleasant, not at all. Hongjoong shuddered at the reminders of how his body used to lay numb and motionless, even when his head raced miles a second, it felt disconnected from his body, floating away from it. 

Self-deprecation was the foremost feeling he experienced. He would loath the fact he allowed it, _once more._ Gave his body, got off when he didn’t want to. Sometimes it lasted for days, the negative after effects. And sometimes, weeks, months when he got used continuously. He felt emotionally drained, always tired, hollow and numb to everything around him. Disconnected. No grounding at all. He would stare blankly into the distance for hours and he wouldn’t even notice it. He would have tears running down his face for hours and he wouldn’t notice it too. 

‘And I’m not there to prevent these risks.’

His ex never talked him out of a drop. Never bothered. Never batted an eye. Hongjoong didn’t even know what that feeling was until much later. He thought it was _normal_ to feel that way after each time he got used forcefully. 

And here was Seonghwa worried he might not be there to talk him out of one.

What would Seonghwa think if he told him he dealt with that willingly for months? Probably feel disgusted by him. Seonghwa would be so fucking repulsed once he figure out the real ugly him.

The one taking over him right now. 

Hongjoong wanted to laugh bitterly. How _unfair_.

‘Hongjoong.’ 

He snapped from his daze. He wiped his eyes. “D-Do it… do anything if it means I don’t t-think anymore… I don’t care.” Hongjoong shook, “I…” his voice dimmed in shame, “it’s too much to take right now… Hwa… too much…”

Seonghwa seemed as conflicted, heard him click his tongue as if rolling the idea inside his head, undecided. Hongjoong waited, the answer determined everything. If Seonghwa still bothered or found it worth nothing already. 

‘Alright,’ Hongjoong exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding. ‘I need you to follow everything I’m going to tell you.’ 

He listened intently through the clouds fogging his head, “Tell m-me…”

‘First, I need you to put airpods on, and turn the lights off.’ Hongjoong did as told, tucked the small pieces in his ears.

Seonghwa’s voice resonated loud and close in his ears; commanding. ‘I want you fully naked on your bed with blindfolds.’ Hongjoong already felt out of breath. He stumbled on his feet, barely managing with his trembling hands to take off his clothes, his skin flamed. He grabbed a random ribbon from his closet and returned to bed, laid on his back and wrapped the ribbon, blocking his vision completely even when the lights were already out in his room.

Suddenly he felt his surroundings shifting, he almost felt dizzy, his senses high and alert, focused on how the air touched his exposed body and the slide of his skin against his sheets, how his ears could catch Seonghwa’s quietest inhales. Everything charged and so intense. 

‘Now I want you to focus on my voice and my voice only, understand, _doll_?’ his toes curled instinctively. He fisted and unfisted the sheets.

“Y-Yes…”

‘I… I will keep you safe, Hongjoong.’ he whispered, promising. Tingles spread throughout his chest, so warm. ‘And you are free to close the line if I get too much. I will understand, okay baby?’ Seonghwa paused for a moment, waiting for his answer, which Hongjoong mumbled with a small ‘got it’

He didn’t hear the relieved sigh, Seonghwa resumed his instructions. ‘Hands up above your head,’ Hongjoong lifted them up, impulsively holding onto the sheets for purchase.

‘You are not allowed to touch yourself unless I allow it,’ Seonghwa spoke softly as if preparing him. ‘Just listen and imagine with your head, if you focus enough you could almost feel it.’ So, this was Seonghwa’s idea of getting him off his thoughts. By indulging him in a fantasy that his head could think of nothing aside from. Maybe it could work. He hoped. 

“F-Feel what?”

‘Me, feel me there, baby.’ Seonghwa dwelled slowly, ‘Behind the blindfold, there is me above your body.’ Hongjoong couldn’t see but he wanted it to be true, he wanted to reach with his hands and touch, touch him for real. Feel his skin and warmth and the gentle rise and fall of his chest, to simply reach out and _kiss_ him slowly. His eyes burned with yearning.

‘There is me spreading your legs apart,’ Hongjoong parted his legs. “Me kneeling between them, me looking at you presented for me to devour, my boy.’ Dangerous, the glint in Seonghwa’s honey voice. He spoke calm, yet so, so darkly, falling into his domineering character slickly. He could see him looking down at his spread body with black eyes. Hungry. He squirmed.

“H-Hwa…” He whimpered his name.

‘You can’t touch Hongjoong, I’m the one going to touch you.’ He reminded him. ‘I’m going to run my both hands from your face… down your neck, squeeze it lightly…’ Hongjoong’s breath hitched as if Seonghwa’s hands were real around his neck— choking him. He threw his head back. ‘Trail them to your shoulders then slowly up your arms, reaching your hands above your head…’

Everything was too much, too fucking much. Hongjoong shuddered, kept his hands up and digging his nails in his palms. ‘Thread your small hands with mine; hold them so tight in my grips. Ground you.’ His voice was so sedating, smooth and quiet. 

“Kiss me, k-kiss me…” he pathetically moaned. His heart pounded ruthlessly.

‘I will. I will taste every pit of that pretty mouth of yours, let you choke on my tongue, you like that doll? Like a filthy kiss? Filthy make out where I strip you naked and have your body freed for me?’ Yes! He liked it! Wanted it! Craved it! All he ever said was a small deprived groan.

Seonghwa chuckled, ‘Imagine it, my hands trailing down your arms slow and light, down your shoulders and over your chest, press down on your rapid beats and further down to the dip of your belly,’ Hongjoong’s stomach convulsed, he pressed down on the bed, ‘Look so vulnerable underneath me like that, doll.’ Seonghwa hummed placidly, unaffected much. ‘Gonna touch you everywhere...’ What a wicked promise. It twisted his insides in knots and set it all on fire. 

‘I can see you already withered, I can hear your shallow breaths, I would enjoy undoing you tortuously slow… so, so much…’ he whispered, his voice prickled his skin with goosebumps. ‘Like passing small kisses down your throat... between your collarbones, down your chest…’ Hongjoong whimpered heedlessly, small quiet sounds leaving him involuntary. His cock ached, hard on his hip.

‘Knead your chest, your sensitive perked nipples, dry rough touches, you are too sensitive you can’t hold it together, shaking, trembling, thrashing but I wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t touch your aching cock.’ The honey voice slowly hardened, sharp, dangerous. ‘I like my boys this way, you already know that hmm?’ He sounded roguish, unapologetic. ‘I like edging them until they can’t think of anything but me, _Hongjoong_. You are thinking of _me_ only _._ ’ 

Hongjoong moaned loudly, his breath caught up. His heart pounded but Seonghwa laughed, ‘I know you are thinking about me,’ he sounded so sure and true he had nothing in mind but him— ‘I _want_ you to think only about me, no one else in your head.’

‘Right now you are _mine,_ ’ Hongjoong preened at the possessiveness, the hair at his body stood from the intensive shivers. ‘I decide what to do with you, doll. You are my doll.’ 

“... your d-doll…” he repeated after him mindlessly. 

‘Yeah, my spoiled doll…’ Seonghwa rolled the words on his tongue, as if satisfied. 

‘You will get anything you ask for,’ pampering him like a true spoiled baby. ‘My cock, my cum, my pleasure, it’s what I want to do to you, pretty doll,’ his voice lowered seductively. Hongjoong held his breath in anticipation—

‘Worship every inch of your body.’ He bit devotedly, ‘please you,’ he never stopped, ‘I’ve never seen such a beautiful doll like you before.’ Hongjoong wanted to engrain the words in his head, ahh, the praise sedating yet setting him ablaze at the same time. Driving him completely insane with lust. He wanted to scream at him to just fucking fuck him already, mark him, take him, own him— the tension unbelievable!!

“Mmmm…Seonghwa… ahh… please—” his lips were wet, he kept biting them. His skin glossed with a sheen of sweat, body quivering and so hot.

‘More baby, undo you more, lick my fingers then sweep them around your small nipples, you love that? Or me sucking them for you, what else do you want from my mouth, tell me? I will do anything for you.’

He couldn’t talk, throat closing up, he was heaving so hard. The darkness surrounding him and Seonghwa’s voice in his head. Every word he imagined was too detailed; they felt real, too real. “Ahh… I… ‘mmm…”

‘Too much? But you want _more_ , your body wants more, you want fingers to play with, you want tongue to suck on, you want a hard cock in you, isn’t that what you want baby?’ he wanted to touch himself, it was bordering unbearable, painful. His cock swollen and hard. He took small breaths to calm himself, not that it worked. 

‘You want everything that is _mine.’_

As if something snapped within him, he stammered loud, “Y-Yes! I-I— it hurts Hwa, everything hurts—! Wan’ you!” Seonghwa hummed, as if Hongjoong’s sobs were entertaining him, they probably did. He gripped the sheets above his head so tight and his body arched off the bed prettily, withering. “Take me, take more of me, have me please Hwa I n-need you to take me— all of me!”

‘Is that what you do to get fucked? Been so long hasn’t it?’ Hongjoong sobbed, a pained cry, he was frustrated, pulled tight like a bow. ‘I would twist those pink nipples, rub them until you scream at me, maybe you can cum from your sensitive nipples alone hmm?’

“N-No, don’t w-want to, hurts’ I’m— I…” he was babbling, the ribbon wet and stuck to his face in tears and sweat. His whole body rocked in tremors.

‘Try it doll, rub those pretty nipples for me, I’m finally allowing you a touch, aren’t you about to take it?’ taunting, having fun with his cries. Hongjoong bit his abused lips again. He slowly lowered his two hands to his mouth, whimpered when his arms hurt from the strain. He licked at them like a kitty then sucked them, the slurping sound so loud in the silence. Anything just to be good for Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa hummed approvingly and he reached down, hands unstable. The first contact made him gasp aloud, flinching away from his own touch. His body was too hot, too sensitive. The sparks prickled his skin. 

‘Touch.’ An order ‘play with yourself for me doll.’ Hongjoong obligated like a good boy. He rubbed them both at the same time. Small moans tumbled his mouth, he breathed heavily, body writhing on the slightly damp sheets, his knees pressing together but then pulling apart. He wanted to touch himself so badly. He couldn’t stay calm. 

‘How does it feel, doll?’

“S-Sensitive, c-can’t settle on the sheets… hngg…” he tweaked the hardened nubs, the pleasure too hot in his belly. His cock leaked onto his stomach. He could cum untouched right now so easily. 

‘Can’t settle… ahh… that arch of your spine, the pretty shaky legs, the hard neglected cock.’ Seonghwa drawled slowly, ‘I can almost see you in my head, picture perfect.’ Hongjoong kneaded his chest, the skin turning red, he sobbed. ‘You are so tempting doll, so… look at you, would fuck you senseless until I get enough of your body,’ Seonghwa whispered, ‘and I probably won’t.’

Hongjoong scrambled on his stomach, couldn’t do it anymore. He lifted his ass up. “Can-n I fuck m-me?”

‘I said no touching.’ Hongjoong took deep inhales. He rested his hot forehead on the sheets. 

“B-But I wanna cum… please… Hwa… mmm…” he begged softly, body too exhausted. 

‘You can fuck the bed baby, no touching.’ Hongjoong didn’t know if that was a blessing or torture because he couldn’t lift his body for two seconds without collapsing. He whispered, ‘thank you.’ as he spread his knees wider, lowered his hips to the sheets and trapped his cock in between. 

He thought he would rut with how starved he was but his body was too weak, he rolled his hips in small circles instead, could feel how damp the sheets were and the slicked cum making his slide easier, more pleasurable. He moaned quietly. Seonghwa oddly quiet for the first time aside his small approving hums. 

Hongjoong wanted verbal approval so he moaned louder, “P-Please…ahh…” he slowly started to hump the bed, hugging a pillow to his chest as he did so, biting on it and wetting it with drool. 

‘Please what?’ Seonghwa asked him gently. ‘What do you want from me doll?’

“Talk more to me, don’t let it be quiet…” praise me. 

Seonghwa chuckled charmingly, ‘such a needy baby.’ It spurred Hongjoong to desperately fasten his pace, thrusting his hips in poor uncoordinated movements. He just needed any kind of friction at that moment; he could spill right then too. 

“Wanna cum…ah—ah… tell your pretty doll to cum for you…” he wanted to be good. 

‘Cum for me baby,’ so easily let go, like a chokehold loosening around him, he spilled instantly. His hips stuttered as he cummed on the sheets, grinding his cock to oversensitivity. He heard Seonghwa groan through his buzzing ears and racing heart, coarse and so deep, more cum leaked out uncontrollably; he gasped and forced his body to stop moving.

“I-I cummed for you…” he whispered adorably as if Seonghwa didn’t know that already.

Seonghwa chuckled hoarsely, ‘heard you baby.’

“Wan’ed to be good for you… jus’ for yo’…” he slurred tiredly, body still buzzing, every muscle felt like floating weightless, too light, too numb. 

‘Just for me?’ Yes! All of this is _only_ for you!

Hongjoong tried flipping on his back, “Who e-else? Who else would I—ahh… give this body for, Hwa?”

There was an odd silence on the other line. A much suffocating silence. It took a moment for Hongjoong’s lagging brain to catch up on his fuck up. Uncontrollable wetness immediately seeped off the ribbon, it slid down his flushed face and he swallowed a sob. His chest was too heavy, too tenacious, knotting. He fucked up. He said too much. Way more than he was allowed. 

Did he just ruin everything they had right now easily just like that??

He tried lifting his pliant body on his hands but couldn’t. He trembled, helpless and scared— dropping. 

“H-Hwa?” 

Don’t leave. Don’t hang up. Don’t want to be left alone. Please— the ribbon fell off his face and when he opened his eyes, everything returned to reality. Terrifying. Cold. 

What had he done?

He felt the ghost of panic; he wanted to reprimand himself, claw at his skin—

‘—’m here doll; get out of your head. I’m here, listen to me.’ Hongjoong couldn’t move, he curled on his side, tucked his knees to his chest, head foggy and faint. “I-I’m sorry…” he slurred, words barely distinct. 

‘Why are saying sorry?’ Seonghwa followed fast, ‘Are you okay?’ Hongjoong couldn’t hear the growing concern in his voice with his roaring thoughts, everything sounded underwater. ‘Are you with me, Hongjoong, baby listen to me,’

I’m not okay— “—‘m s-sorry for being l-like this, I know I sh-shouldn’t— I know you have n-no business dealing with t-this…” his stutters were exceptionally worse than ever before, he was shivering extremely badly, mind collapsing little by little. 

He started hiccupping between his wet sobs, “I know— I-I _knew_ I shouldn’t call you, all of this is _my_ mess,” another soft hiccup, “I don’t wan’ to be l-like this— I swear! I n-never b-but I-I can’t control it—!” He inhaled sharply, air, breathing. His lungs demanded. 

“A-Are you l-leaving…?” He whispered diminutively. 

‘What leaving…’ Seonghwa inhaled in disbelief, winded. ‘What I want right now is to hold you to my chest tight…’ 

Hongjoong stilled. 

‘I feel bad that I’m far away and can’t do anything about it.’ 

His eyes widened in pure shock; breath hitching and tears stopping midway. 

‘I want to calm you down, whisper soft nothings in your ears… pet your head. I think what you need the most right now is for somebody to hold you Hongjoong, to take care of you.’ Seonghwa whispered, for one time his voice was strained and helpless, yet so caring and warm and placating. Hongjoong’s lower lip wobbled. 

‘You sound so lonely.’

He didn’t know what to say but strangely, he didn’t want to. He was too shaken, in a daze, silent tears rolling down. Seonghwa’s words like a balm against his irritated skin. The raging fire simmered down to slowly dissolving smoke. The fight escaping his body—

‘Do you have someone to hold you? Do your friends stay by your side at these times?’ These times…? Hongjoong wondered how it could be possible for somebody to be so empathetic and considerate. How could this person be real?

“I-I do?” He mumbled, easily distracted when his thoughts were scattered all over the place. “Normally I c-call them and th-they stay until I feel g-good enough… hic…” 

Hongjoong tried his best to explain between sniffles, “b-but y’know? I think they n-need a break from m-me?” He wasn’t sure of his reasons, what he was talking about. He could blame it on how fucked out his body and mind were, he honestly had no idea what he was babbling. Where were these words coming from, his brain certainly a useless cotton made now. 

“I’m consuming, I-I think I exhaust them a lot.” 

‘Did they tell you so?’

“Th-they don’t need to, I… I know they would have c-come if I called, but I haven’t been my b-best the past week, they dealt with a lot of it.” Seonghwa hummed, non-judgmentally. Hongjoong was thankful because he was too spent to work himself up again. Finally feeling his mind going loose. 

“I’m…” he started small, tiny finger running tiny circles on the mattress, “I’m s-sorry now you… you had to deal with it too…” so hard to speak it. _Finally_ feeling the regret and guilt he ignored when he knew, was inevitable. 

‘I’m glad I was an option for you.’ His heart wasn’t expecting it. It beat frantically in response. For many countless times that night, Seonghwa shocked him. 

_Why?_

‘I think we need a talk another time, when you are in a better place.’ Seonghwa suggested.

Hongjoong asked hesitantly, lost. “Talk about what?”

‘Later, I believe you need a rest now. It’s early morning there.’

“S-So… should I l-leave?” Hongjoong didn’t want to. He still asked uncertainly; wanted to leave so Seonghwa could get a rest but also greedy enough to want Seonghwa’s presence until he lose consciousness. 

If only Seonghwa was here behind him and he could just lean his back into him, what a fantasy… 

What he didn’t expect was Seonghwa’s outright refusal. ‘No, don’t close the line.’ Stern yet softened around the edges, didn’t want to trigger him. 

“B-But…” Why would Seonghwa want to stay? He wanted to fight back stubbornly for an answer when he knew he should just take this as it was. 

‘Go sleep Hongjoong, I will leave the line on with me,’ The question was lost at the tip of his tongue. Wasn’t needed when Seonghwa answered anyway, ‘Don’t think about it too hard, I just don’t want you to stay alone with your thoughts.’ Seonghwa explained, ‘I don’t think it’s safe to leave you alone right now. I don’t want to.’

Hongjoong curled over himself. Funny tingles dancing under his skin. Dangerously considering if he should allow the feelings to play him further. Seonghwa was making everything hundred times more difficult for him and he was taking it in a long stride, so easily. Following loose threads blindly. 

Truly a doll. A marionette. 

“Sweet dreams… Hwa…”

‘Hmm, rest well Joong.’

\---

Next morning felt different, the kind of calm that one experienced after a major breakdown, but not in a bad way. Peaceful and quiet. ‘Message me when you wake up.’

Hongjoong read the message with bleary eyes, deflating a pressure in his chest he didn’t know he held there already when he had just woke up. 

‘Morning Hwa,’ 

He proceeded to be more productive through the day after pressing ‘send’.

He cleaned his sheets, arranged his room, cooked lunch and ate while watching a random show on the Tv. Not once did he allow any thoughts of the night before to manifest. He didn’t want to think about it. Not now at least. 

He knew that was cowardly of him, to escape his issues instead of addressing them even when he was alone and had plenty of time. He reasoned that he needed a break for now, that he wasn’t ignoring it but postponing it instead for when he was at a better mental space. He _deserved_ a day off from his brain. 

He checked his upcoming schedule; the previous fall collection photoshoot had been rearranged for the next day.

‘Yunho and Mingi will partner with you in place of Jaehyun.’ Eden had told him and that alone made his day ten times better. Yunho and Mingi’s presence meant safety to him. He collaborated with the pair once before and work was fun and smooth and their company was so welcomed that Hongjoong befriended them the same day.

Another schedule update was added while he was absent. It informed him that the upcoming October private gala will have a mini runway for the fall collection they were about to shoot. That was still a few weeks from now but Hongjoong had forgotten about it entirely. He sighed. That would be fun he supposed. 

He decided to focus on tomorrow first. 

‘Thanks, I will be there tomorrow.’ 

That obligated him to do a whole beauty routine for his face, the past days did instant work on his skin that he looked pale and dry as fuck and he couldn’t have that without his stylists crying if they saw it tomorrow.

He hesitated a bit before snapping a picture of his face covered with a gray mask and towel around his head. He sent it to Seonghwa. You know, to assure him everything was fine and he was okay and taking care of himself. 

He kept staring at the screen, waiting for Seonghwa to see it when his phone rang; he almost leapt from his spot but Wooyoung’s name on the screen painted an immediate scowl on his face. He muttered a series of curses under his breath before picking up, flopped down and held the phone to his ear, hand patting his heart while it slowed down from the false shock. 

‘Hey Hyung!’ as cheerful as ever. Hongjoong didn’t want to admit that he needed his loudass to shutter his calm bubble, “Hey ass.”

‘I can see someone is feeling better!’ he chirped, ‘thought I would drop by tonight but it seems you don’t need it.’

Hongjoong pouted, “You can still do that without fundamental reasons.” In other words, he wanted Wooyoung to drop by but didn’t want to outright ask him to. Still cautious about how he tired the boys the past week and wanted to give them a break too.

Wooyoung perked up at the hidden request, ‘Hmm, I can still drop by after work?’ Hongjoong knew he was preening at the prospect of Hongjoong wanting him regardless of a reason. He decided to give him that this one time, he deserved it, “Sure, bring the boys with you if you want.”

Well, Wooyoung ended up bringing the gang with him at nine pm. Part of him disappointed because he might have wanted to talk to Wooyoung privately about what was happening to him lately, but the other part was grateful because right now he had three minions piling on him, too fast asleep for the second movie yet starting on the Tv.

‘Do I get a peak of the result?’ Hongjoong eyed the message Seonghwa replied to him earlier in the afternoon, and the selfie he sent after with his bright polished face. Worth all the hustle, he had to admit. Seonghwa replied with ‘as beautiful.’

In addition, that short message got him eying the phone screen for a few hours now, heart fluttering in his chest but not knowing how to keep the conversation beyond that.

He took a picture of San and Wooyoung sleeping on his shoulders, Yeosang on the floor with his head resting on his lap.

He captioned it, ‘you asked me if my friends held me through these times.’ and sent it to him. 

‘Give them a head pat from me,’ Hongjoong couldn’t help the soft smile spreading across his face. Seonghwa approving of his friends felt like another validation to him for some reason. He wanted Seonghwa to like him, to like his friends too because they were an essential part of him as well. He wanted him to see the good side of his life, that it wasn’t all bad. He did have it, right here. 

He leaned his cheek atop San’s head, nuzzling his messy curls and one of his hands mindlessly strayed down, threading Yeosang’s soft hair.

‘Sure.’

\---

The day after felt even better, Wooyoung’s weight on him as he woke up with the guy cuddling the heck out of him on the sofa wasn’t as annoying as he thought it would be. He nuzzled into him instead and tried drifting back to sleep.

Though, he kept getting distracted by the small hushed talks in the kitchen of both Yeosang and San making breakfast. By the taste of music, he knew that was Yeosang’s playlist playing in the background. It felt too peaceful and quiet, his hand mindlessly petting Wooyoung’s head and playing with the hair at his nape as the boy remained dead asleep atop him.

Soon, the smell of food made it much more difficult to resume sleeping so he opted to annoy Wooyoung to wake him up. He felt oddly cheeky and lively. His fingers ghosted on Wooyoung’s ear, he knew how annoying that was but annoying Wooyoung was also fun so he kept tugging at it, teasing his neck, said boy swatted at his hand a few times but still refused to move his head off Hongjoong’s chest, holding him tighter in defiance. 

Hongjoong giggled, “God, you are absolutely hopeless.”

“You just figured that out?” San appeared above him, with an apron and wooden spoon in hand, “it needs serious work to get him up, unless he wants to, he won’t blink his eyes open.”

“Well, I had an idea,” Hongjoong shrugged, Yeosang appeared above him next, standing behind the sofa. His hair in a small bun that looked adorable with some sort of food stain on his cheek.

Hongjoong watched San reach with his hand, a thumb rubbing the stain off his cheek before licking it off, smirking. Huh? 

Before he could think more of it, Yeosang spoke, “C’mon I’m hungry, get up and wash your faces.”

“Tell that to Wooyoung.” Hongjoong wrapped his arms around the boy, squeezed him but it also didn’t succeed in waking him up. He mulled over biting the boy to get him up but he decided against it at the last second for some reason that definitely had nothing to do with how adorable his tousled hair and squishy cheek on his chest was. 

Yeosang carded a hand through Wooyoung’s hair, tugging at it gently, “Get up sleepy head,” it didn’t work, so he cradled his face, pinched his cheeks until the boy groaned softly in his sleep, “Go away Sangie, I have a day off.” He grumbled.

“I don’t, let me go,” Hongjoong poked at his waist and he squirmed, ticklish. San giggled at their antics.

“Give him to me,” Yeosang offered as he rounded the sofa. “Hyung go wash up and San set the table, I will have him up in minutes.”

Yeosang lifted grumpy Wooyoung enough for Hongjoong to slip from under him. San complained about why he had to set the table in which Yeosang replied with ‘We know I’m the one better at waking this kid up and I will probably finish the food before you all come around with him, so?’

That convinced everyone it seemed. Before Hongjoong went into the bathroom, he saw Yeosang holding Wooyoung from laying down; instead, Wooyoung had his head rested on his shoulder, face tucked in his neck. Yeosang was treating him like a small child with head pats and soft talks, pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. He curiously eyed San, quirked an eyebrow when he saw him snap a picture of them with a fond smile. Was he missing something here?

Magically, Wooyoung was there at the table when he stepped in, barely blinking his eyes open. 

“This is my day off, I need my beauty sleep.” He cried miserably while still munching on the food, adorable but Hongjoong wouldn’t say it out loud unless he wanted the boy to freak out from his sleepiness.

“You can sleep in once we leave for work.” Hongjoong suggested.

“Heard Mingi and Yunho are shooting with you today,” San beamed happily. Yunho was a high school friend of his; they used to be so close, even roomed together through college.

“Yeah, I feel so much better about it.”

“I’m glad you do, Yunho and Mingi won’t let you get bored there!” San exclaimed then threw an arm around Yeosang’s back, the boy choked on his food. “All thanks to Sangie, he may or may not have scared that bitch out of the company.” San laughed loud and Yeosang elbowed him with a halfhearted glare before smiling genuinely at Hongjoong. Creepy if anyone asked him. 

“Just did some tweaking, nothing much.” When Hongjoong said the boy was terrifying. He meant it. 

However, Hongjoong was thankful, he wouldn’t want it any other way, might have cheered for his boy too, if he decided to punch some bitch’s face. 

The set was lively and full of chatters as stylists worked on applying makeup on them. San refused to let him go alone today even when Hongjoong assured him everything was fine and Jaehyun wouldn’t be there. San made an excuse of wanting to meet his best friend Yunho and still tagged along and drove him to the studio. 

Hongjoong knew that all this had to do with paranoia and guilt but didn’t want to torment the boy when he was trying hard to be fine around him. He didn’t mention it at all. 

Work ran smoothly after, Hongjoong didn’t have a second to think about anything between the boys’ antics and the rush of work, by the time he arrived home at night, his body was a piece of dead meat.

“Fucking God—!” Hongjoong gasped aloud when he spotted a dark silhouette in his kitchen. He flipped the lights on and Wooyoung was there with a plate and mouthful of food, eyes blown wide. Caught in a crime scene. 

“The heck you are doing here?” Hongjoong sighed exasperatedly. 

“What?” he barely got the word with the big mouthful of food he had and Hongjoong rolled his eyes. “I thought you will be gone by the time I’m home, it’s already past nine pm.”

Hongjoong left him as he took his clothes off while walking to his room, Wooyoung following him with his plate, still munching nonchalantly.

“I don’t know, I didn’t feel like returning home, it’s nice here.” Wooyoung lifted his plate. “Free food.”

Hongjoong rolled his eyes, knew that was a bullshit reason and Wooyoung wasn’t that shallow. There was definitely a reason behind his prolonged stay. Hongjoong decided to wipe the makeup off and take a shower first before he questioned him.

He stopped before the bathroom and turned sharply at the boy still following him with his food. He squinted his eyes, “Are you gonna follow me into the bathroom too?”

Wooyoung stopped mid munch, then shrugged innocently, continued chewing. 

Hongjoong sighed again, “Let me take a shower first then I will listen to the thousand question hanging around your head, I can practically see them there.”

Wooyoung’s eyes widened as if being caught red-handed. Hongjoong sighed, “I know you.” 

He was too tired to be snarky, didn’t bother to tell the boy off as he walked into the bathroom, stripped naked and stepped under the hot water. 

Wooyoung sat on the closed toilet seat waiting. “Actually I do, have many questions.” Hongjoong heard his voice through the running water.

“Also, I believe you have things you want to talk about too.” It wasn’t any day he got a serious Wooyoung. 

Hongjoong hummed, curious. “Yeah, I do, let me get comfy then we can talk.”

“Sure.”

Hongjoong toweled himself and wore one of his fuzzy pajamas, baby pink colored, mind you. Wooyoung was already wrapped in a blanket on the sofa. 

Hongjoong knew he was spacing out, not paying attention to whatever was playing on the screen. He lowered the volume before sitting at the opposite end of the sofa, San’s plushie squeezed in his arms. 

It was quiet. The kind that’s suitable for honest conversations. 

Hongjoong braced himself of what was coming. 

“I’m beaten,” He broke the silence as he groaned, stretching his limps out. It succeeded in grabbing Wooyoung’s attention, “Yeah, working with three puppies can get tiring.”

“Who is the one talking?” Hongjoong kicked his leg and laughed, not at Wooyoung calling the other boys tiring when he was alone a completely demanding package.

“Shut up.” He grumbled. “And is this San’s Shiber plushie he’s been searching for days now?” He squinted his eyes and Hongjoong cuddled it tighter to his chest protectively. 

He squinted back, “it’s _mine_ now.”

“You don’t even like stuffed toys, what the fuck.”

“This one was abandoned and I adopted it, shouldn’t have been careless.” Hongjoong humphed in finality. 

“I’m not fighting you, I’m telling San.” Asshole! 

“That’s dirty.” He huffed, the toy now choked in his arms. It was his new source of comfort after Seonghwa and he wasn’t about to give it up without a fight. Even for the original owner. It was _his_ now, whether they accepted it or not. 

“Try getting choked to death in your sleep by San and you would know how essential this toy is to our relationship.” Wooyoung exaggerated a dramatic painful face. Didn’t work. 

“You chose him, you handle his deathly cuddles.” No. If Wooyoung was wondering why he was that adamant about having this plushie, he wouldn’t answer any questions. He wouldn’t admit to anything and not the fact it helped him calm down when he needed them. 

Oddly, though, Wooyoung didn’t fight back much and instead, he said out of the blue, eyes distant on the ceiling. “So, how is it?”

“Hmm? What?” Hongjoong spared him a side look but Wooyoung wasn't looking back.

“I don’t know? Whatever that has been going on with you lately, you haven’t been yourself for a while.” Wooyoung furrowed his eyebrows in concentration, as if he couldn't put a finger on where it was different, wrong.

“Is this about Jaehyun?”

“No?” he halted, “I don’t know, I had the feeling for a while before that shit show.” He explained, “Now tell me, is it about that Seonghwa guy?” Hongjoong’s eyes widened in surprise but he immediately concealed it.

So it was about him. He figured Wooyoung would bring him out at some point. He was still not prepared for the conversation. He knew he was never going to be ever, even when he decided to talk it out with him since yesterday, after his last breakdown, to somehow sort out his messy head together.

“I don’t know either, Woo. It’s been complicated lately? I don’t understand anymore, what do I want out of all this. What am I doing even?” Hongjoong exhaled greatly.

“Him, you want him.” Hongjoong bit his lips, refused to meet Wooyoung’s intense eyes even when he could feel them burning him.

“This is about sex.” Or that’s what he thought it was all about, fuck it out of their systems and everyone was good to go. Not this? What was this even?

“I believed so, at the beginning, not anymore, Hyung.” Wooyoung spoke candidly. 

Hongjoong frowned, met his eyes, “What do you mean?”

“I have noticed something to be honest; it’s what got me suspicious.” He sounded unsettled, so unlike him, Wooyoung was never this fidgety. It took him a few seconds before he asked, “When was the last time you felt like going live for your fans? I didn’t have to sit through any of your streams for a while now.”

Hongjoong’s eyes widened in realization. 

So this was what all this about. Hongjoong gripped his hand with the other to stop the small trembles from manifesting, squeezing the stuffed toy. Wooyoung nodded grimly at him, as if his point was made clear. Hongjoong looked down. 

“Remember when I used to tell you that you needed someone? The many times I tried to make you quit your streams?” he started slowly, “You always refused. However, this _is_ exactly the reason why I drilled you to see someone. I believed when you do, all these streams would become meaningless. Because just one person’s words would matter then.”

“It’s what you need, validation right? You told me that you are doing these streams because they make you feel good about yourself, that you couldn’t quit because you needed them,” he picked at his fingers, looking at them distractedly. “But that doesn’t seem _it_ anymore, because somebody else is doing it and it also seems what he does is pretty good enough for you to throw away years of habit.” Wooyoung finally met his eyes, forcing a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. 

Hongjoong remained mute, truth rendering him speechless. Wooyoung was spot on. Hongjoong didn’t even understand, heck he didn’t even try to link his lack of interest to go live on anything except him being lazy or tired.

All those times that he called Seonghwa instead… 

“You haven’t gone live since you started whatever you have going on with that guy and I can bet anything, you rather have him than go for a crowd.” Quite right honestly.

“Does he treat you well? Does he give you what you need?” Seonghwa gave him everything. Attention. Validation. Praise, adoration, care, understanding— all the things that made him feel like he could love himself a little bit more. Yes, he did.

Hongjoong sighed tiredly, shoulders slumping as if no longer capable of pretending whatever he had going on wasn’t weighting him down. He decided to just… let it all out maybe, everything that kept eating him inside out.

“It’s scary Woo…” He mumbled hesitantly. “Since I started talking to him, I… I haven’t been myself— my best, I haven’t been as _stable._ ” 

How was he supposed to make his friend understand that Seonghwa’s appearance in his life came so unexpectedly, so strong that he had no preparation for it? That it threw him off his feet, he had no idea how to act or be around him at all. It was like a huge wave he thought he could ride but then crashed into him full force, swept him deep under where he had no idea how to float or breath. 

At first, it was easy, when it was all just sex. Now it became too obscured that he didn’t know what he wanted or what he couldn’t _dare_ want.

“Is it his fault?” 

Hongjoong shook his head rapidly, “No, no Woo, he is perfect, so so perfect—” he sounded out of breath. “It’s me,” He patted his chest, then gripped the shirt tight, yanking it in frustration. “I’m scared? How do I explain this…” Hongjoong clicked his tongue as he sat upright.

“Listen, I have always had myself in this—” he waved his hands around to draw lines in the air, “T-This comfortable zone I made for years. It’s a routine, as long as I kept within these lines I drew around myself then I’m fine, I’m _safe_ , right? That’s how I remained good all those years. I refused relationships and refused to give myself to people because this is how I made sure I was unharmed and no one could hurt me anymore.” Hongjoong struggled to explain although he was glad he could see understanding on Wooyoung’s face. He forgot for a moment that Wooyoung had been there for the most part and saw everything from a front seat. He needn’t explain for the boy to get him. 

“But now? I’m so out of my comfort zone Woo, I’m in an unfamiliar territory, it’s making me anxious and panicky, I’m not used to all of this, these look so new yet so awfully familiar, and both are terrifying to me.” Yes, it was new to have someone like Seonghwa in his life, to dare feel more for him. But it was also so familiar the danger that came with trusting himself with somebody. 

Every time he did the letter, the consequences were drastically severe. 

“I don’t know how to act, how to keep control on my emotions and thoughts, how to get acquainted with these new settings, I feel… lost?” 

Hongjoong eyebrows knitted in confusion, “And that’s not the worst of it,” he waved his hands around as if making a point, “I’m very attached, I got myself attached to someone impermanent, someone I know so well will leave me.” 

Hongjoong’s eyes glazed but he blinked the wetness immediately, “I don’t know how to make people _stay_.” His voice broke down at the end of it. He buried his face in his tiny hands and breathed jaggedly, chest hurt by admitting his insecurities and fears out loud, they appeared much bigger to him now he was talking it out loud; looming darkly above him, staring him down threateningly. 

“Why would he leave if he is as good as you make him be?” Wooyoung bit his tongue, fidgeting in his seat. Not knowing to reach out for Hongjoong or give him more room to speak his mind. He dug his nails into his sweatpants.

“Because this whole thing? It’s built on nonexistent grounds.” Hongjoong spoke into his hands, “This wasn’t meant to come out with anything serious. _I_ dragged him into this while knowing fully well I’m not the best person to be with.”

“I’m fucked up, Woo,” his eyes betrayed him as he looked at his friend, bloodshot, wide. “And every time, I end up freaking out about it and the thought of scaring him away freaks me out even more and I-I become a total disaster, I’m afraid he will get sick of it, before even meeting, he will realize who he got himself involved with. Someone not enough.”

“You are more than enough.” Wooyoung gritted through his teeth. Angry at how his friend was reducing himself to the most miserable person when he meant everything to him. After all those years and he still couldn’t fucking see his worth and how much he meant to everyone around him, to _him_. Wooyoung wanted to scream it in his face so he could see it, admit it for one time!

Hongjoong’s lips tugged up slightly seeing Wooyoung’s affection so blatant on his face. Except, did it change anything? “I have no experience or good track with any relationship y’know, I always end up broken and this time it will be entirely my fault, this time I will deserve it because _I_ asked for it...” 

Although now, he didn’t know if that would be a good thing or not. 

He thought it would be, hurting himself instead of letting others do. 

He couldn’t imagine Seonghwa being anything but the gentleman he was, if he did what others done— Hongjoong shuddered, he couldn’t imagine how depressing that would be. However, now he could never be mad at him, if he decided to leave. This was what they agreed on after all. This was why Hongjoong wanted him to begin with. 

Because Seonghwa was the first one who rejected him and Hongjoong clinged to the first person who looked at him and didn’t want to fuck him, use him. Treat him like a whore. 

“You don’t know what he wants, give him a chance.” Wooyoung spoke hopefully. Tried. Hongjoong could give him that. Hongjoong couldn’t dare build himself that high. 

Seonghwa was going to leave and these were merely countable days. 

He laughed miserably, “A chance for _what_ , dating a pornstar?” He gritted, nails digging into his palms, “He is a well-known face Wooyoung, he wouldn’t wanna be seen with somebody like me,” funny, how it never mattered to him before, fucking in front of everybody or what people spoke about him behind his back. How he loved doing it and it made him happy. Now? It might be the sole reason he could never have a chance with the one person he wanted.

“I have more downs to me than good; dating me is like, picking the worst card in a deck. No one wants to keep a person like me,” he laughed wetly, wiping his eyes and runny nose with his sleeves. 

His ex told him so. _‘Why would I date a cockslut? How would I face my family and friends?’_ What would Seonghwa tell the public if they caught them?

“Not someone as perfect as him at least, he is just, it never mattered to me before but when I put it beside him, I can never match.”

“You have serious self-worth issues.” Wooyoung spat irritatingly, annoyed as fuck and didn’t care about hiding it from him. 

“I have all the right reasons to have them,” Hongjoong smiled bitterly and Wooyoung grimaced as if tasting vile things in his mouth. “I have grown up abandoned at every step in my life, you know that already Woo. Being attached to somebody is like, so triggering to me. It freaks me out; I can’t breathe without thinking they might leave me the next minute, because I wasn’t good enough.”

“For me, it feels this way, loving anyone.” 

Hongjoong pitied Wooyoung for having to listen to all of this. Especially how it looked like it physically pained him to hear those words. 

“Well, you can bet I’m kicking his ass if he hurts you.” Wooyoung kicked his foot out angrily and Hongjoong chuckled at his antics, breaking the serious mood they built. 

“You can’t do that y’know…” he gazed softly at Wooyoung; eyes filled with many heavy feelings as he reached out and ruffled his hair. Wooyoung scowled adorably but didn’t pull away. 

“It’s my fault hmm? I told him it was sex then here I am,” Hongjoong spread his arms wide, voice beaten, surrendering. “Got attached to him with no consent, I’m the fucking worst.” 

Hongjoong lifted his knees and held them with his arms; he buried his face down in them. 

His voice shook vulnerably, small. 

_“I wish I wasn’t me…”_

He sniffled. 

“Aww…” Wooyoung suddenly cooed at him, shattering the gloomy air. Hongjoong lifted his head and eyed him weirdly. 

Wooyoung’s eyes were sad but he was smiling, arms wide and welcoming. “I guess it’s an urgent call for my cuddles, me thinks.” Wooyoung made grabby hands and all the urges to cry left Hongjoong’s head. 

He scowled halfheartedly at how his friend didn’t take him seriously. (Hongjoong knew that wasn’t the case but he still wanted more room to wallow in his misery before he got placating.) 

However, he knew it was only little before Wooyoung intervened with it. Because Wooyoung hated sitting through his miserable hours and helplessly doing nothing. 

He wasn’t exactly mad, not at all. He was being whiny, yeah. “We are having a serious conversation right now, rude.” Hongjoong kicked him and Wooyoung winced. 

“C’mon,” he whined, “if I leave you speaking then you won’t stop slandering yourself until morning. I have work tomorrow.”

“Fucker.” Wooyoung flinched before he could land another kick but Hongjoong stopped last second, now standing before him and looking down at his defensive instance. 

Wooyoung opened his arms again, slowly. “Last offer?” He was ready to be hit again but instead— “Offfff—!” Hongjoong jumped on him, and the boy fell back on the sofa as Hongjoong buried his face in his chest.

“I’m gonna make you regret it gravely.” He muffled into his shirt while sneaking his arms around his neck and hugging him tight. 

“I—I can’t breathe—hyung!” Hongjoong didn’t let loose of his choke hold, giggled as he felt Wooyoung pat his back repeatedly. “Hyung!” he whined childishly. Hongjoong let go, though he still nuzzled into his chest, warm and comfortable under him. 

Wooyoung lifted his hands to push him away but they stayed at his arms unmoving, leaving him to rest for a few more minutes. 

There was a nice silence, peaceful as Hongjoong listened to Wooyoung’s heartbeats and breathing. He matched his own with it and he felt better after. 

“You love him.” Wooyoung spoke quietly, thumbs rubbing comforting circles at his arms as he stared absently at the ceiling. 

Love was a big word, _a dangerous feeling_. 

“I don’t, I don’t… want to.” Hongjoong closed his eyes, tried to shut his mind and fall asleep. It was already too late for this. 

“Give it a chance,” Wooyoung hummed, wrapped his arms around his small back, safe. “I will be here for you, whatever the outcome gonna be.”

‘Tell me I’m cute before I go to sleep.’ Hongjoong sent Seonghwa as he slipped under his covers; cheeks puffed and face reflecting the screen light.

‘How would I know you look cute now?’ Hongjoong snorted, he got up and turned the bedside lamp on and snapped a pic with pouty lips and puffy cheeks, doing a cutesy pose while wearing a kitty filter. 

He returned under the covers and sent the pic.

‘Tell me I’m cute now.’ With a glare emoji. He demanded.

Hongjoong didn’t expect him to send an audio clip, he listened. 

There was a small chuckle and Seonghwa’s humming as he spoke warmly. 

‘Always been this cute for me.’

And if he already caught some dangerous feelings for him, then what? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! :D  
> Sorry for taking forever to update. I had many reasons that partially it’s been hard being satisfied with this one that I got a writer block, then left it to focus on my graduation and the mental state I had to maintain for it, which is the main reason I think 🤦🏻♀️  
> Certainly not my best days. Sucks lmao  
> Anyways! All is good now! I’m few days away from officially graduating and getting over this shitty place! Can’t wait!
> 
> On a side note, I may or may not dropped a hint in this chapter of where this one is heading hehe, s o o n I believe? Hmmm I had next couple chapters half done so 🌚 won’t take as long so no worries!!
> 
> Although I’m not satisfied with the sec half of this chapter but I had to get it outta my drafts somehow ;_; I edited it twenty times but it’s just,, ughhhhhh might edit it again later .-. 
> 
> One last thing, winter is coming! Which means Winter Oneshots! Look forward to them 😚 you might get a really jealous Joong somewhere hehe ;)
> 
> Comments are so so appreciated!  
> Shower me w them please~~ <33  
> Have a nice day and stay happy <33


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly need to apologize to Hongjoong for all the pain I put him through... sigh... enjoy the 9.3k chap luvs <3

**Scene Seven **

_What I want right now is to hold you tightly to my chest …_

Hongjoong snapped out of his daze with a shudder, toothbrush in his mouth and foam slipping down his chin unnoticeably. He wiped it with the back of his hand as he met his hazy eyes back in the mirror, hair wet from showering and cheeks pink.

He had been spacing out a lot lately. Wooyoung had also been nagging him a lot about it even though he knew exactly the reason why. It wasn’t like he could help it.

Whenever he remembered that night with Seonghwa, he would lose himself and swim inside his head, reliving the scenes one after the other. The words spoken to him, the dedication, the worry, the way Seonghwa was there for him and didn’t leave him alone.

How he mattered to Seonghwa.

Another shiver rocked his body at the reminder of the promises Seonghwa made for him, of taking him, taking his body and mind and please him, guaranteeing his wishes and demands.

The messages he would receive on random hours the past week, the more days passed, the more feelings inside his chest manifested, like a flower field blooming inside his ribcage, fluttering with winds and butterflies. Seonghwa made him feel that way, dreamy, and so in lo—

His phone buzzed.

‘Are you free right now?’ Hongjoong stopped brushing his teeth midway as he eyed the notification that popped on his screen. The usual funny heartbeats made an appearance but he shrugged them off. Or he tried to.

With little trembling fingers, he wrote a message back, ‘Give me minutes,’

‘Call me.’

He would be lying if he said he wasn’t part excited, part freaking out as he washed his teeth and dried his face hurriedly.

Hongjoong padded to his bed and laid down in his pajamas, air a little bit chilled in the room as days already started shifting to autumn.

About time, he turned on heaters, Fall getting colder by the days.

His fingers hovered the call icon; it had been more than a week since their last call. They shared brief messages but never talked. Hongjoong missed his voice so much but he wasn’t about to admit it out loud.

“Hey,” his voice came out more tamer than he intended.

“You wanted to talk with me?” Hongjoong smiled giddily, it was so unexpected for Seonghwa to want to speak to him, more like want a phone call.

‘Yeah, if you aren’t sleepy of course, in case, feel free to go to sleep.’ Hongjoong giggled. 

“No, I’m good, I’m actually curious of the sudden call.” His voice light, he curled under the blankets. “Could it possibly the tables have turned and you want me to get you off?” Hongjoong beamed when Seonghwa chuckled.

‘You are 90 percent made horny.’ Seonghwa remarked teasingly. 

“My charm.” Hongjoong stared at the ceiling, a hand playing with his hair mindlessly. Something was soothing and nice about having a light conversation on the phone with Seonghwa after a long day of work. Seonghwa’s calm and soft chuckles doing wonders to his heart.

‘I see how much you enjoy it.’ Seonghwa mused.

“Getting laid by a hot man? What to complain about?”

‘For someone who doesn’t bottom, you sure like having someone undoing you.’ Hongjoong froze. His blood ran cold instantly as if the temperature dropped ten degrees around him. 

The question was so impulsive and out of his comfort zone. He fumbled anxiously. “W-Well… I’m… I-I—” he didn’t know what to say, this was so close to home. 

No way of answering it unless he wanted to spill his guts for Seonghwa. And he feared to, he wasn’t prepared, would never be prepared to say anything. He wasn’t brave enough—

He crawled up and sat on the bed, held the blanket around him in a numb hold. No, his hands weren’t shaking, not supposed to shake from one random small question that he could easily lie about. 

However, he didn’t want to lie to Seonghwa. He sickeningly wanted to see if Seonghwa was as perfect as he was built in his head or was he like anybody else and just shame him for being a low life who got abandoned by his family and was seen for years as a cockslut.

‘Are you okay?’ Should he tell him the truth or not? Should he let it out? What were the risks of exposing a little more of himself. This was big; this was too much for Hongjoong. 

Did he trust Seonghwa enough? He trusted him with his body; did he trust him with his mind too? “I’m good; I’m fine it’s just…”

‘Talk to me about it.’ 

It wasn’t easy, “It’s hard…” he pulled his knees to his chest, could feel his heart wanting to escape him, thudding maniacally. He was about to get sick with the racing thoughts.

‘I will wait.’ 

Wait for what?! Why so fucking calm! 

Hongjoong wanted to scream at him and let all the panic and frustrations get out. 

Why would he want to! It just didn’t make sense for someone to bother that much! To care! Why would he care for a fuckbody!

Hongjoong’s frame ran with shocks. He tried to compose himself, to think rationally. There must be some easy way to think rationally. 

What could go wrong? 

Seonghwa being disgusted by you, maybe? 

Not wanting to have anything to do with you anymore?

Close the line in your face? 

See how fake and pretentious you are?

Realize you are not worth it?

See the fucked up slut you are. 

But Seonghwa wasn’t that kind of man. He just knew, deep down he believed Seonghwa was different. Seonghwa showed him _different_. He wasn’t an asshole, he wasn’t some inconsiderate insensitive dick. 

He always cared. Seonghwa cared. 

“It’s not that I… I don’t like bottoming or subbing…” Hongjoong inhaled in whispers. Good, no stuttering yet. 

There went nothing and everything. 

“I just chose not to?” Hongjoong’s chest twisted in tight knots.

‘Why?’ of course; he would ask the ‘why’ question. Of course, he would want to know why he was different. Weird. 

Hongjoong wanted to yell at him how obvious it was and he should already know, but he was too frightened to raise the volume of his voice in front of him. He wasn’t in any place to scream anything. 

“Because, no one, no one cared enough for this body once they took what they wanted from it. N-No one made it worth it? Worth submitting wholly; giving up control to.” 

He rambled, he knew he could have worded it better but his brain was mushing together in a panicky mess. Alarm bells ringing inside his head, telling him that he was close to spilling everything. That he should shut the fuck up now before it was too late. . 

But he already let the dam crack. 

To hell with it, Hongjoong might as well get it off his chest if he was going to lose him either ways.

Seonghwa was bound to leave from the first call and he knew it. 

‘Am I?’ 

Hongjoong bit on his lip. Why would he ask that. He himself didn’t know, wasn’t sure. 

“Are you?”

‘I asked the question. Why go to this extend of giving me your precious body?’ Seonghwa’s voice was so calm, as if not wanting to trigger Hongjoong. ‘When it clearly means a lot to you.’

Hongjoong trembled, clutched the phone so tight. “Because… it didn’t feel like I was… giving it up?” Hongjoong struggled to explain how complicated the decision was made despite being done with zero mature thoughts. 

It was the first they met; the fact Seonghwa didn’t want him, refused him. Seonghwa wasn’t like anyone else who thirsted over his shows and body, or wanted to take advantages to fuck him and leave.

It was Hongjoong’s choice. 

He wanted it, he reached and grabbed onto him. 

“It was like; I was making the choice? I was the one pulling you in; the one who made you _want_ me… I had the _control_ over you despite you being the one having the most effects on me.” Hongjoong rambled, breaths short as if he was running a mile a minute. 

“You didn’t want me. _I_ made you want me. You weren’t a horny person who took advantage of me.”

Hongjoong took a deep inhale “And I liked it.” He breathed the words. “I-I like that for once I made the decision for myself…” 

I wanted you. 

“ _I_ gave you me.”

A quiet moment passed where Hongjoong let the silence quell him down. Saying everything strangely made him feel hollow and light, almost floating up there with no weights grounding him. 

He was slipping away between his cracks so slowly. 

‘Is there a story behind it?’ a sarcastic smile tugged at Hongjoong’s lips. He chuckled humorlessly, channeling his anxiety into sarcasm. 

“Like how I was _used_ just because they were horny watching my videos? Like how they wanted to fill in their thirsts then leave because I fuck around in front of cams?” He gripped the phone harshly, “How they manipulated me and made it seem like they wanted _me_ , not their sick sexual fantasies. B-But once they g-got it…” his throat clogged up. He couldn’t do it—

His eyes stung, the burn too awful when he tried holding it back, but it was inevitable when the wetness trailed down his left cheek and his breath hitched. 

“H-How they made it my fault that they left me.” His voice cracked and tears fell endlessly. “Because I wasn’t worth staying for.” He shuddered, “w-was never worth staying for.”

He buried his face in his knees. He hated this, hated the vulnerability. Why was he all of sudden dumping all his weight on a person who was here only for a fuck night. Someone temporary. 

He could easily deceive and feed Seonghwa some lies, paint himself the perfect man for him. B-But why did Seonghwa have to make it difficult, make him feel this sickly transparent?

He wanted Seonghwa to see the real him, he wanted Seonghwa to _accept_ his true image, not the somebody else he was pretending to be. 

“You never know how disgusting it feels to be told you are nothing but a w-whore,” he spitted the words resentfully. Anger and hatred taking over him at the bitter memories. 

“That you don’t deserve any affection and adoration, don’t deserve any sort of dignified emotional bond because you mean nothing, absolutely nothing Seonghwa, w-worth nothing at all!” 

Yes Hongjoong, great work, tell him, dump it all so he could run away from you like how everybody else did. That’s how it’s supposed to go from the beginning. This is your life. 

“And then be told it’s all your fault?” Hongjoong laughed wetly, sounded fucked beyond repair. 

“Because even when they lie to you and manipulate you and use you, you end up the bad one because?” Hongjoong spoke in incredulity— “Because- I don’t know! I never knew Seonghwa! I’ve always got told and treated that way I no longer know!” the laughs turned to choked sobs. 

This hurt, so pitiful, so weak and miserable. Pathetic he would say, yeah he was pathetic or he wouldn’t be crying his ugly heart out to someone who had no business listening to this.

If Seonghwa wanted to leave now he wouldn’t ask why, wouldn’t question it. At least he would have a sorry excuse to get over him. Get over his intense sick feelings he harbored for him. 

God, he loved him so much. 

Much more than his weak heart could withstand. 

Having found the one perfect man yet with no idea how to keep him for himself. 

Someone to rely on, to take care of him, to make him feel _safe—_ someone he didn’t fear would shatter his world further than it already was. 

But who would want an extra heavy luggage to carry?

Don’t panic Hongjoong, don’t panic, don’t pani—

He heaved, sniffled into the sleeves of his pajamas. He waited for Seonghwa to just cut the line and call it a quit after this, the nonexistent breakup— if he decided all of this shit wasn’t worth it— 

Don’t fuckin’ panic—!

‘Shush… stop crying,’ Seonghwa’s voice was so low, whispering gently and it made it goddamn difficult to stop. His breath stuttered and a harsh sob escaped him unwillingly. Why? Why for god’s sake why! Why did he have to be such a— 

‘Baby shouldn’t cry, it’s okay to talk it out to me.’

I told you to not panic! 

Hongjoong yanked at his shirt ignitedly. “B-But, this is too much, too much to burden you w-with—” He wheezed, whipping his wet cheeks frustratingly. 

He was mad, he was in so much pain, he was terrified and angry— nothing made sense in his collapsing head— “A-And you! You should be disgusted! You should get rid of me now! Why are you acting like this is normal! It’s not fucking normal! I’m not normal!!” Hongjoong’s skin burned in repulsion, he kicked the blanket away and threw his hand around as if making a point with his angry gestures. 

“I just told you I’m a slut! I’m worthless! You have been talking with someone who spent most of his life hating himself! W-Why…? Why are you acting l-like… it’s fine? Like it d-doesn’t change anything?” Hongjoong’s voice broke down painfully, hiccups and sobs surging off him, his small body shook with it severely.

Seonghwa made a sound of disapproval, clicking his tongue, ‘First, I need you to calm down a bit—’ 

“I-I can’t fuckin’ just calm down!” Hongjoong choked on nothing as he snapped ignitedly. 

God, he hated his panic attacks. Why did he have to develop and grow up with them? Fuck his school, fuck his classmates, fuck his bullies, fuck his family and everyone who made his life a nightmare! Everyone was a nightmare!!

Seonghwa reproached him again, much slower. ‘Focus on me, take deep breaths for me baby,’ Hongjoong tried but his chest kept convulsing, it came out shuddered and short. 

“I can’t… I— I c-can’t it’s not working… i-it’s not working Hwa—” Hongjoong wheezed through his tight lungs, numbness spread in his fingers as they struggled to hold the phone. 

‘Shush… try with me again,’ Seonghwa whispered soothingly, ‘I will count for you,’ Hongjoong held the phone to his chest tight as he curled forward. ‘I know you can do it baby,’ he closed his eyes and focused on the numbers counted for him. Seonghwa’s voice was soft and quiet and patient, medicating him like going under anesthesia. 

He didn’t know how long he took until he didn’t feel like throwing up again and the pressure inside his head lessened. But he did quell down at last, slowly and agonizingly, but it did slow down.

‘I want you to listen to me,’ Hongjoong listened, had no other choice but to do so, eyes still closed tight, afraid, dizzy.

‘You are free to talk about anything you want to me, I will listen any time,’ his lower lip wobbled, eyes burned in different tears, sentimental ones. ‘You don’t have to fear me.’

‘I won’t judge you, not for your past, what others had done to you, your traumas, these are beyond your control. Why would I? Hmm baby?’ It wasn't a question that needed an answer. ‘What I care about is _you.’_

Perfect, how come he was this perfect, saying the rights words, the right way, even when he didn’t have to. 

And even despite the heavy words, Seonghwa’s tone was as if he was talking to a small kid, appeasing a crying baby. ‘I’m not gonna take others' opinions of you. I have an eye and sensible mind; _I_ decide how to see _you_. You understand me Joong?’

The nickname… Hongjoong’s lips wobbled. 

“B-But, don’t you s-see… me? T-This _me_?” Hongjoong sniffled again, heart still pressuring his chest, thudding aggressively while trying to come down from his fright.

‘I see a cry baby who wants to be told he is beautiful.’ Seonghwa chuckled softly, breathed the words. ‘Isn’t this who you are? It doesn’t matter how your past treated you, I look at the present you and decide.’

“H-How is a present me?” Hongjoong wiped his unceasing tears harshly.

‘I just said it hmm,’ Seonghwa was still placating, patient. ‘A needy baby.’ Hongjoong’s cheeks warmed up despite himself. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes as if shying from someone, head like cotton candy.

‘Now I can understand you better, I think.’ Seonghwa contemplated, more to himself than to Hongjoong. ‘Why you ask me to adore you all the time… you just need it.’

“I do…” he admitted embarrassingly. God, was his face fried from the heat crawling up his neck and cheeks.

‘I won’t tell you to forget the past Hongjoong, but don’t let it damage you more than it already had, free yourself. Now is not back then.’ Seonghwa spoke seriously yet gently. 

‘It’s not your fault how they treated you. Now I can assume they are surely gone, you live as who you are, who you want to be. They no longer have power over you.’

“I try, it gets good sometimes, and other times things trigger me… I spiral down and… a-and _this_ …” he admitted shamefully, no point trying to conceal anything now it was spread between them clearly.

He felt lightheaded and fatigued, “I don’t know why you don’t… it’s strange…” Hongjoong bit his lower lip, struggling with coherence.

‘It’s strange indeed.’ Seonghwa mused, ‘my charm I guess?’ Seonghwa quoted his previous words and Hongjoong couldn’t suppress the wet snort.

“You didn’t just— wait, l-lemme blow my nose.” Hongjoong reached for the box of tissues and took a few. 

He heard Seonghwa laugh at how loud he was blowing his nose. His cheek grew warmer, “Shut it.” It didn’t come out as insistent as wanted. 

Seonghwa laughed again. ‘That’s my baby.’ God if he didn’t stop babying him.

‘Can I see you?’ Hongjoong’s toes curled involuntarily and his hair raised in goosebumps. 

“Y-You want to see me?” Somehow it didn’t make sense to Hongjoong, he needed to make sure he wasn’t imagining or hearing things. 

‘I want to see you,’ Seonghwa repeated after him quietly. 

“Yeah?” he fiddled with his hair, tried to hide as much of his bloodshot eyes as possible. He was embarrassed to face Seonghwa after his freaky meltdown. 

He wrapped himself in a blanket and huddled back into his nest of pillows. He looked soft and small on his big bed.

“Hey,” he mumbled once the camera was on. His fingers still unconsciously going up and down to tidy his hair.

Seonghwa stared back at him, eyes as black and clouded as ever. He smiled lazily, ‘Hey.’ He spoke with a gruff voice, different from a minute ago.

‘Pull your hair off your face, want to see you.’ Hongjoong blushed hard, his hand shaky when he carded his hair and pulled it back, eyes glazed with tears still and red rimmed. He bit his lip again.

Seonghwa was staring with a faraway look in his eyes. 

There was a silence in between laced with thick tension, where Hongjoong didn’t know what to speak when his heart was doing crazy shit in his chest and Seonghwa not doing any to break the silence.

He stared at Seonghwa, in another one of his expensive suits, navy blue and white shirt. Collarbones showing and little of his chest thanks to his first couple buttons unbuttoned. There was a thin necklace hung from his neck that held a tiny star, and definitely his signature one earring. 

His eyes trailed from his long lashes, sharp nose and those lips— oh to feel those lips on his own—

He almost averted his face when Seonghwa snapped out of it, ‘I don’t like it.’ He clicked his tongue; more to himself it sounded as he pulled back and started searching for something.

He was still in his office it seemed with his phone propped on a desk since he wasn’t holding it with his hands.

“D-Don’t like what?” Hongjoong nervously asked as he tried to pull his hair back down, highly conscious of his wrecked appearance. He didn’t though, when Seonghwa shot him a look, almost a sharp one.

‘Don’t.’ he spoke sharply as he opened a drawer, finding the object he was searching for when he took out a packet. 

Cigarettes?

Seonghwa was busy lighting a stick; he wrapped it with his lips then torched it. He closed his eyes as he took an inhale before returning his attention back to Hongjoong.

He exhaled a cloud of smoke as his posture relaxed in his seat, sagging. ‘I don’t like how red your eyes look; I don’t want to see them cry again.’ He took another inhale as if busying his nerves with it. Hongjoong enveloped himself tighter.

He wanted to say sorry, but sorry for what exactly? There was a lot. 

‘I don’t want to see you sad or in pain like this,’ Seonghwa leaned closer to the camera again, cigarette half burned between his fingers, the rings around them blinking in the office light along his bracelets. ‘I’m not there with you and cannot do anything about it.’

“If they bother you, I can hide them?” he fiddled with his hair feebly but Seonghwa clicked his tongue again, didn’t allow him. 

‘Don’t. Never hide anything from me.’

Seonghwa seemed as if he wanted the call only to stare at him, because when Hongjoong didn’t speak, Seonghwa remained silently staring at him, taking drags of smoke and sips of a drink he didn’t know what but presumably was some fancy alcohol.

He looked nice like that; the navy on his flawless skin looked glamorous, the styled hair pulled back to show how handsome his face was. God, was he an angel, or whatever creature possessed such holy beauty.

“You are so handsome…” Hongjoong mumbled softly, didn’t really want Seonghwa to hear him but also wanted him to hear it. Blame it on his breakdown. He always ended up loose tongued after. 

A small quirk in Seonghwa’s lips appeared as they tugged up in a sweet smile. ‘ _You_ are so handsome,’ Seonghwa murmured back, staring at him— _lovingly._

His cheeks were still warm and his chest fuzzy, “thanks?”

‘Adorable,’ Seonghwa inhaled a smoke without breaking eye contact, eyes squinting from the burn before he blew it, ‘why are you so adorable hmm?’

“What d-do you mean…” Hongjoong fiddled with his free hand, the fuzziness in his chest manifesting and Seonghwa looked more satisfied staring at his coyness. “I dunno… am I?”

‘You have beautiful eyes, a small kissable nose,’ ahh, so sweet… he might have looked under a spell with the way Seonghwa was showering him in magical words— ‘Rounded cheeks, the stars-like moles scattered on your skin and your lips…’ Seonghwa dragged a smoke while staring at his mouth, ‘you have duck lips.’ Seonghwa laughed at the way Hongjoong frowned. 

“I-I will assume that’s a compliment.” He gave Seonghwa a judgmental look. 

‘God, I’m gonna bite you, stop being adorable.’ Seonghwa laughed out loud this time as he lit another cigarette, took a sip of his drink. He looked more relaxed and entertained now Hongjoong was more calm and restful. 

“I’m kinda dizzy…” Hongjoong slipped down further in his mountain of pillows. He tilted his head sideways, hair flurrying around him. He fought sleepiness to look at Seonghwa just a little bit longer. Look at the way he gazed fondly back at him, kind of in awe? 

Did he really look that cute in his pajamas, messy hair, swollen eyes and bundled in pillows and blankets—wait, was this San’s plushie he was sleeping on?

‘Stay a little more,’ Hongjoong hummed softly, didn’t expect Seonghwa to want him to stay. Normally he would lull him to sleep and leave. 

“Mmm… ‘k,” and then they were staring again. Something felt different this time between them. Hongjoong didn’t know what but it made him feel balanced and secure. Like he wasn’t the one demanding for once, Seonghwa wanted something here too. 

“You smoke.” 

Seonghwa leaned back again lazily. ‘Yeah, I do from time to time.’ He stumped the burnt stick and lit another one. 

The act shouldn’t have looked as sexy, smoking shouldn’t but this was Seonghwa, anything he did was sexy.

‘What? You don’t like smokers?’ Seonghwa lifted an eyebrow playfully.

Hongjoong blushed, “I-I don’t exactly mind, it’s a bad habit though, but you do you.” Seonghwa chuckled at his bashfulness and inhaled a smoky breathe.

‘I will offer you one once we meet.’ He smirked. 

Hongjoong tried not to bite his abused lips anymore, “I don’t smoke; don’t like the taste of it.” 

‘You might, if you breathe it from my mouth,’ Seonghwa blew smoke in front of the camera and Hongjoong saw the suggestiveness behind the screen. 

He pressed the back of his hand to his mouth when a small sound escaped him unwillingly, a blush so intense spread across his cheeks and down his neck with imaginaries of Seonghwa breathing smoke into his open mouth while kissing him hypnotizingly slow and languid. 

His breath came in shorter. Seonghwa was once again staring at him with those faraway eyes and a faint smile, as if seeing someone not him, someone unreal, someone so… so worth getting lost into. It made his body shudder.

No one looked at him that way before. 

“And when is that gonna happen exactly…?” Hongjoong whispered, “I’m getting impatient here, I…” a sudden faded sadness crawled into his chest, longing and want filling him up. He was aching just to feel him, to have him for as long as he wanted him. To hear his real voice without the statics of the call. 

“I’m tired, I need you…” He breathed sorrowfully, soundless.

Seonghwa licked his lips, looked somewhat stressed when he pulled his eyebrows down as he contemplated a complicated thought seriously. 

He took a quick drag of smoke before he spoke. ‘I wasn’t about to come back yet but,’ he took another drag of smoke then focused back on him again, ‘I will have you, the night of the Fall gala.’

Hongjoong gasped, eyes blown in shock and his heart thundered. “W-What do you mean?”

This couldn’t be real, impossible, he was hearing wrong because—

‘I didn’t think I will attend the gala since it’s inconvenient for me to take a flight back the next morning, but I think… yeah we will meet at the gala.’ 

His heart sunk in, “You… you don’t have to do that…” Hongjoong felt bad about it even when he was desperate to have him as soon as possible. However, taking two flights two days in a row was tiring and not worth it. 

Seonghwa chuckled, clumped down another cigarette, ‘I want to,’ he smiled charmingly, or that was how it appeared to Hongjoong’s whipped heart.

‘I want _you_.’

“S-Stop it,” Hongjoong couldn’t take it anymore as he covered his eyes with the heels of his hands. He had the urge to swim in his pillows and covers and just disappear into fluffy foams from the overwhelming feelings.

‘I want you… _baby._ ’ God, Hongjoong knew Seonghwa was doing this on purpose and it showed when his phone on his lap filtered Seonghwa’s coarse laughter.

‘Alright, I will stop.’ Mercy.

‘Get ready for me hmm? Fall gala isn’t that far away.’ Seonghwa hummed and Hongjoong counted in his head the days.

He picked up the phone, looked into Seonghwa’s eyes. “Two weeks.”

‘Two week to finally have you.’

——

‘What do you mean he is finally coming back?’ Wooyoung screeched on the other line. ‘Oh. My. Fucking God!’ 

Hongjoong decided to tell Wooyoung finally, three days later because if he was honest, he wanted someone to yell about it with. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. The feelings were too overwhelming.

‘Fuck you! Why didn’t you tell me earlier!’ Wooyoung took a deep calming inhale, bitch was so dramatic and Hongjoong appreciated that about him.

“I was busy?” Half a lie. He was busy, but also he wasn’t prepared for how real it would feel once he spoke it out loud.

“Woo,” Hongjoong whispered as he sat at his bed. Wooyoung immediately shut up at the sudden quietness.

‘What? Everything alright?’

“I’m kinda freaking out here,” Hongjoong couldn’t contain himself. “He is fucking coming back finally!” Hongjoong muffled a scream in his sleeve, biting it to stop himself. 

He flopped on his back, flailing excitedly while listening to Wooyoung precious laughter; San snickering beside him. They must have the phone on speaker.

“And he is coming back for one night; one fucking night Woo and he want it with me?” Hongjoong sounded breathless and in disbelief as he laid the back of his hand on his eyes, an overemotional smile on his face.

‘God, you are so far gone for him,’ Wooyoung was still laughing, he sounded happy listening to Hongjoong so joyfully going about Seonghwa finally meeting him.

‘That Seonghwa guy seems as far gone too if you ask me,’ San added through the call and Hongjoong’s chest pounded wittily, enjoying the prospect. Was Seonghwa having it for him too? Was it probable?

“You believe so?” Hongjoong asked cutely, “He called me adorable the other day y’know,” Hongjoong couldn’t help it, “He always asked me how am I so beautiful? And I don’t know, he looks at me some type of way? It makes my heart beat funnily, no one has done this much for me before— in a non platonic way no offense—” 

Wooyoung chuckled at how Hongjoong was word vomiting unconsciously, he didn’t realize he was spilling everything.

“He calls me baby all the time, and sends me messages and phone calls and wants to see me too. I don’t know Woo, Sannie, am I delusional to think he has something for me?” Hongjoong chewed on his lips nervously.

“T-This can’t be just sex right? There has to be more— he cares, he cares a lot about me than j-just my body,”

‘We don’t know Hongjoong, but it’s not far fetched, you both need to meet first and talk about everything,’ San spoke in place of Wooyoung, said boy humming in agreement and added ‘at least you should tell him of your feelings.’ 

‘And if he looks at you the way one of us looks at each other? Then you shouldn’t be as nervous.’

Did Seonghwa look at him the way San or Wooyoung looked at one another? “Do your heart beat funny when Wooyoung look at you?” Hongjoong pouted.

‘We have been together too long for this— oww!” Hongjoong laughed at the way Wooyoung humphed over San’s reply. San deserved the hit or the pinch he got. Wooyoung pinched like a bitch, that shit was sinister and painful as fuck.

‘Ignore him, yes my heart does stupid shits on certain occasions for this ass— don’t touch me and you are going to sleep at Yeo’s place tonight.’

‘I have to take you with me though—’

‘No we have been together too long for this shit.’

Hongjoong giggled at the bickering duo, five minutes of them forgetting him on the line as they had their own ‘conversation’— was that kissing sounds?

“God you both are gross, eww just close the line if you're gonna suck faces and whatnot.” Hongjoong faked a gagging sound.

There was a thud before Wooyoung returned to the call panting. ‘I’m here,’

‘You didn’t have to push me off the bed y’know.’ San grumbled and Wooyoung shrugged him off, ‘go pack your shit to Yeo’s I’m still mad.’ As if. 

‘You will end up lonely and jealous—’ a gasp and a smack, ‘owww stop hitting me!’

“I’m not sitting through y’all fucking, I will go before I spoil my ears.” Hongjoong got up the bed, “I’m gonna take a bath, go make up or make out, bye.”

‘Okay, talk to you later Hyung.’

‘Bye!’ San added from the side.

‘Stop touching me—’ 

Hongjoong closed the line before he witnessed more than his brain could forget later. ‘Too old for this shit’ my ass.

He stepped into the bathroom, dead exhausted and in desperate need for a hot bath. He prepared one while he wiped off his makeup since he was at work and just returned an hour ago.

When the water got high enough, he stripped his clothes and stepped in. A content sigh left his mouth as he immersed under the water and relaxed, rested back and stared at the smoke fogging the room and shiny surface of the walls.

His phone was waterproof so he decided to scroll through his social media while passing time in the warm water. That was when a wicked thought occurred in his mind.

His belly did a few nervous summersaults. He bit his lower lip as he searched Seonghwa’s social media pages and explored through the pictures and videos of him the media provided. Oh, here is a picture with short sleeves… nice… 

Hongjoong kept exploring and God, was Seonghwa so hot, so damn hot, hotter than the water he was in. Geez… chill Hongjoong chill. 

Now that Hongjoong was thinking about it, it’s been a while since they last fucked, the messy breakdown he had then. Plus their talk last week ended in flirting and soft nonsense and later both of them were too busy to indulge in anything sexual. 

How he wished he could just call him and whine while begging to be fucked nicely but what if he was busy tonight too? Dammit he was hot and horny and as well as naked in his bathroom alone. He needed to vent somehow. 

He groaned throatily as he slipped a little further underwater. “Fuck…” He closed his eyes and tried to wilt his boner, but he couldn’t, he just… 

So dirty, Hongjoong stared at the ceiling. Why he was now conscious about this, he was alone for fucks sake…

Maybe it was the fact he never before felt that aroused by the mere thought of somebody else. Thought of finally having Seonghwa touch his body, lay beneath him and spread his legs apart in invitation while staring into his eyes. 

Finally having Seonghwa inside him— he shuddered intensely. 

He could almost feel Seonghwa breathing in his ear, moaning and telling him how tight he was. He wanted to make Seonghwa feel good… so good… squeeze around him tightly. 

He wanted to see the look on his face, ruined and filled with uncontrollable desire. How many ways he could undone Seonghwa and make him lose his mind. 

He lifted one leg out of the water and propped it on the edge of the marble tub, water slithered down his milky thighs. There was a high blush on his cheeks that he didn’t know if the fault was in the warm water or how his heart was thumping fast and the arousal clogging him completely.

He gasped softly when the phone slipped his trembling hand and fell into the water. 

He whimpered. He leaned his head back, ignored the phone and slipped his hand lower, under the hot water and around his hard cock. His breath stuttered at the first tug, toes curling instinctively and legs twitching.

He panted as he wrapped his hand fully around his cock and jerked it slowly, the slide smooth in the water and the sound of it so obscene. He lazily thumbed at the head, groaned when he pressed his finger into his slit. Dammit… 

“Seongh-hwa…” he whimpered his name, air hummed and hot, water or sweat? rolled down his forehead.

“S-Seonghwa ahh… baby p-please…” he squirmed in the water, imagining Seonghwa was speaking into his ear, telling him what to do, how he was doing. Telling him when he could cum or not… 

Telling him, he looked gorgeous. 

The room was illuminated in yellowish dim lights; smoke fogging the air and surfaces, the mood was too sensual and suggestive when only his beautiful moans and soft drops of the faucet sounded in the quiet room.

“Ughh… hngg… Hwa…” He whimpered again, blinked his hazy eyes open and reached for his phone in the water, let the drops slide off the surface as he unlocked the screen and opened a video recorder.

His face couldn’t possibly grow any hotter. He could literally feel the heat emitting from his skin and the video shook with his slightly trembling hand as he filmed himself jerking his flushed cock, just the shiny pink tip out the water as he thumbed at it. 

Small gasps and sighs sounded in the video along his thighs quivering. His propped leg almost slipped down when he squeezed hard, “H-Hwa… want yo’… hnggg…” he moaned prettily, hands shaking the more his orgasm built up, could feel his stomach twist around with it.

“Ahh… keep thinking off you… Hwa… you gonna fuck meh… so good hngg…” he threw his head back with a dragged whine, spread his legs wider as he jerked fast and fervently, couldn’t quiet down until he came, cum sliding his small fist and into the water.

He breathed harshly, his phone slipped off his hand again in his moment of dizziness and he cursed.

He picked it up and switched it to the front camera. He looked at himself, hair damp and sticking to his wet flushed face. His lips were red bitten and eyes clouded, framed by clamped lashes. He looked totally spent. He smiled shyly, suddenly bashful and mindlessly tucked a strand of wet hair behind his ear. 

“F-Feel so good…” he sighed contently. He closed his eyes and murmured, “Can’t stop touching… myself when I think of you…” when he opened them, again he looked shy and timid. He ended the video and without much thought, he sent it to Seonghwa.

He fairly cringed at the dirty water now cold around him. He drained it and took a shower instead. He toweled himself, and did a beauty routine while listening to soft music.

In complete honesty, he might have forgotten about the video he sent and that was until he was snuggling into his pajamas and under the covers his heart almost leapt out of his chest when he saw a message from Seonghwa.

It was a fucking video. No caption, just a damn video that was received a couple minutes ago.

Hongjoong tried to calm down but who was he kidding, he curled into a ball and bit onto his fluffy sleeve to muffle his embarrassing noises as he played it.

The view was obviously from the back camera as Seonghwa filmed his other hand palming his hard cock from outside his dress pants. Hongjoong could see the veins in Seonghwa’s hand and the outline of his hard cock straining against his tight pants. How thick when Seonghwa gave it a few squeezes before he dragged the zipper down and it sprinted out against his stomach, heavy and as veiny.

His mouth watered as he eyed Seonghwa’s long fingers toying lazily with the tip, squeezing a drop of cum out before smearing it along his length, not minding the feel of his rings against his cock and the cum on them. Dammit that was so filthy and hot.

Hongjoong swallowed thickly, wanted to lap his tongue around that drop and suck on his cock, it looked very delicious. He wanted to feel how heavy it would be in his mouth. 

He didn’t realize he was drooling, too focused on Seonghwa’s soft inhales and teasing ministrations. He was teasing even when jerking himself off. 

And then, he spread his knees wider, black bladed fabric tugging tight at his taut thighs as he slid a little lower in his chair.

He relaxed before taking his cock in his hand and pumped it. Hongjoong embarrassingly moaned at the same time Seonghwa groaned softly, _‘Hongjoong,’_

Hongjoong blushed profusely, his own cock getting as heavy between his thighs as he subtly rubbed them together for small friction. 

‘Would look gorgeous on the floor, sitting between my thighs,’ his voice was deep and coarse, ‘playing with my cock like your favorite toy,’ Hongjoong made a small pathetic sound at the back of his throat, now imagining he was there and resting his cheek on Seonghwa’s thigh while he sucked on his nice cock earnestly. 

Seonghwa continued pleasuring himself, ‘I can imagine you here, and then sitting on my lap like a pliant pretty doll,’ Seonghwa smeared another drop of cum, ‘tight around me and full of cock, content sighs falling off your pretty lips hmmm?’ His toes curled and his butthole clenched around nothing, just the vivid picture of him curled on Seonghwa’s lap, dozing off with his cheek on Seonghwa’s shoulder while cock warming him nicely.

He chewed harshly at his sleeve when his whimpers got louder, the sleeve getting wet from his drool. He rubbed his legs again together, eyes half lidded and body too warm under many layers as he watched Seonghwa leak more, slicking the slide of his hand and breathing a bit heavier. His cock looked angry and swollen. Hongjoong wanted to relieve him, to take care of it and make it spill on him, in him, maybe swallow it down his throat or if Seonghwa preferred cumming on his face. Fuck—

The video was fucking ten minutes; ten minutes that made his whole body scorching hot and thrumming.

Hongjoong couldn’t control it as he started rutting into nothing. He tried to focus on Seonghwa, tried not to miss when he would cum.

He took a pillow and pushed it between his thighs as he humped along Seonghwa’s rough jerks. He whimpered, repeatedly, didn’t try to shut up. 

Seonghwa’s deep groans did not help at all, ‘Want it baby? Do you wanna hold it in your tiny hands and suck on it?’ It was close to a growl when he cursed hotly ‘fuck, you would look gorgeous smeared with cum and spit.’ He cummed on his hands and shirt, thick white cum, a lot of it. 

Hongjoong gasped aloud, never wanted to lick anyone’s cum as much before.

He eyed the dirty hand; he would have sucked those fingers clean one by one, while blessed out Seonghwa looked sated and with dark lustful eyes. Drunk on _him_.

‘I want you, doll.’ Hongjoong rutted faster against his pillow, hectically and clumsily, pressure too sweet in his lower belly. ‘Don’t do this to me next time,’ he sounded exhausted, ‘unless I can have you in my hands.’

Hongjoong whimpered as he came in his pajamas, body spasming and face buried in the pillow to muffle his audible moans. 

He struggled to regulate his breathing with how hard he cummed, he could embarrassingly feel the wetness in his pants. 

When he calmed down, the video was already over and the screen black. His heart was still beating fast and his face was too hot, excessively hot.

He shamefully shrugged his pants and underwear off, and wiped himself clean. He didn’t bother wearing anything as he dragged his shirt down his legs. He lifted his phone above his head and took a selfie with his still flushed cheeks and a pout, his milky thick thighs showing from his oversized shirt.

He sent it to Seonghwa with another picture of his discarded dirty clothes on the floor.

‘Look what you have done.’ He slipped under the covers again and hid his face modestly. Overwhelmed shy kitten. 

‘Lovely.’

Impulsively, Hongjoong rang his number. Seonghwa picked up the second ring. ‘Hello baby,’

If Seonghwa didn’t stop calling him baby with his raspy voice he wouldn’t be able to get it out of his head ever.

“If you aren’t busy, put me to sleep.” Seonghwa chuckled at the demand and cheekiness.

‘Is this how it’s gonna be after you got me off in my office?’ Seonghwa mused teasingly. He got Park Seonghwa cumming on his expensive suit in his office, _once again._ Sue him, he was feeling giddy and shamelessly proud.

He giggled while teasing Seonghwa, “Horny, I wasn’t even trying.” _As if_ he wasn’t trying. He definitely was, trying so hard to impress his crush. Crush… _fuck_.

‘Moan lower next time you fuck alone in your room; your neighbors might hear you.’ Hongjoong made a scandalized noise. The nerves? He was laughing at him? ‘What? I had to lower the volume on my phone so nobody hears you crying for my cock in the office.’ Hongjoong fanned his flamed face.

“I’m sure you’ve been a bully back in the days.” Hongjoong moped adorably. He felt somewhat woozy and faint from cumming twice after a long day. Yet very satisfied and happy.

‘Hmm, I fucked with half the campus.’ 

Hongjoong gasped dramatically, “A bully and a fuckboy! What a young charming man.” He mocked him.

‘What about you?’

A bit sullen expression layered Hongjoong’s face. “I was the one bullied? I kinda dropped out of college too.”

He was embarrassed to say it. He didn’t know why he always felt exposed when saying anything personal to Seonghwa. 

Normally he wouldn’t care about telling anyone he dropped out, but Seonghwa was a successful business man whom he had a ridiculous crush on, and he might think he was dumb or an incompetent man.

‘Hmm, I always wanted to drop out too, but here I am.’ Hongjoong smiled at the way Seonghwa obviously avoided pointing the conversation toward him when he apparently was too uncomfortable with it. A weight lifted off his chest and he melted on his mattress.

“Well… I get to see you in a suit.” Hongjoong hummed, laid down under his blankets again, making himself comfy for sleep. “I love men in suits, they turn me on.” He giggled coyly.

‘Are you sure it’s not because of the man under the suit?’

“Yeah that too. You turn me on, with or without a suit.” Hongjoong smiled at the subtle want in Seonghwa’s question.

‘I will take it off for you, if that’s how you want me.’ Hongjoong blushed. His imagination had no business being this explicit goddammit. Wasn’t it enough cuming twice?

‘I can make you cum more than twice hmm,’ Hongjoong bit his sleeve in embarrassment.

“Did I say that out loud?”

‘Apparently.’ Seonghwa sounded so amused.

“Well, is it a dare?”

‘With or without a dare.’

A week.

——

The next week was a mess. Work caught up to him, preparing for runways, outfits, interviews, doing a whole new look over. Not to mention the thought in the back of his head about finally meeting Seonghwa. That alone wouldn’t let him sleep at night.

He didn’t even have time to freak out about what was going to happen after meeting Seonghwa, for now his mind was filled with both work and their night together. He could figure out the rest later.

He was glad the boys and Yeosang were there for him most nights since they were about to attend the fashion show together.

San had just driven them home. Yeosang chose to spend the night with him since they had to leave early morning for one last rehearsal and fitting session.

“Woo will come tomorrow with you right?” Yeosang sounded worried as he asked San. 

Hongjoong exited the car first, “I will bring him, don’t worry.” Hongjoong waited outside for Yeosang to follow. He couldn’t see his face but he saw San brush his cheek gently in reassurance.

Yeosang leaned into his palm a little. “Tell him goodnight for me.” Yeosang lastly said before finally stepping out of the car.

San waved them off as he drove out of his garage.

Hongjoong wanted to question many things. What were they not telling him, all the affection between them, the sweet tension he could literally see in their barest mannerisms. However, he was too exhausted, stressed, and needed a quick shower so he could go sleep as much as he could manage before tomorrow and the d-day.

He was about to doze off cuddling San’s plushie when the bed dipped behind him. Yeosang didn’t hug him, but he was close enough to tuck himself in his back.

“You should turn the heaters up.” His house was cold and both were freshly showered so he understood Yeosang’s shivering. He wasn’t a fan of cold either.

He pushed back a little so they were nuzzled together. He knew he was warm and wanted Yeosang to be warm too.

“Are you nervous?”

“About what?” Hongjoong held San’s plushie tighter. “The show?”

Yeosang chuckled softly, sounded close to passing out. “Meeting him finally. Must be exciting after so long, right?”

“Mmmm, I haven’t thought about it much so I won’t freak out, I like to keep it that way.” Hongjoong mumbled, had half a mind in the conversation.

“Fair,” Yeosang wrapped an arm around his middle, his palm rested atop his chest, rubbing it gently. “It will be fine, everything will be fine.” That all Hongjoong needed to hear for his heart to remain stable. And the kiss Yeosang pressed to the back of his head. 

“I hope so,” Hongjoong murmured sleepily.

“Is this San’s plushie?”

“Shut it.” He didn’t need another one to nag him for it. Wooyoung was more than enough annoyance. Yeosang let an adorable laugh as he hugged him tighter.

“Well, I guess I have to buy him a new one.”

——

The morning was a continued mess from yesterday.

They woke up late, had to run to the beauty center and do their hair. His hair and Yeosang’s were already bleached so they went straight into dying it.

His hair now was a fiery red. Hongjoong was somewhat shocked with how it looked on him. “You look hot like a pepper.” Yeosang giggled when he saw him first; “I love it.” he reached out to touch it. Soft.

“Well, you look as hot yourself.” Yeosang’s hair was between platinum white and grey. It suited him so well with the freshly applied makeup.

Next, they had to do the fitting. Hongjoong was in awe once he saw the finished stage. An autumn vibe about it, yellow fairy lights hung in the air with fall leaves that made it look like walking through a moment frozen in time. The ground was a screen projecting a ground piled with orange, yellow, and reddish leaves, that when he walked upon, the leaves swished around him and made way.

It was enchanting. Almost magical.

He imagined Seonghwa sat on one of the empty seats in the crowd, looking at him as he walked through the runway. Would he look as dreamlike to him between these glows? His stomach was queasy already.

He wondered what the real thing would feel like. Though he got a closer look at it when it was Yeosang’s turn and both San and Wooyoung arrived to watch him walk through.

Instead of watching Yeosang, Hongjoong found himself looking at the other pair instead. How they were holding hands while staring at Yeosang, looking like a whole angel up there, glowing between the artificial hung stars.

When Yeosang reached the end, he stopped and a smile spread on his face charmingly.

Would he look like that when he finally sees Seonghwa?

Look like he was so deep in love, so happy, so captivated by seeing his important person there looking back at him with all the love in his eyes.

Because, Yeosang there, looked so in love, with both boys. If the warm blush dusting his cheeks and shy smiles didn’t say otherwise.

Hongjoong was so deep in thoughts that he didn’t realize when Wooyoung jumped the boy and hugged him, his laugh so beautiful, he found himself smiling warmly at the scene. Wooyoung couldn’t contain his drives it seems, as impulsive as ever.

“Hey,” Yeosang patted his back, “easy, you will ruin the outfit.” It was a halfhearted scold. Yeosang petting his head.

Wooyoung beamed at him while San tugged him away. “You look beautiful.” Wooyoung gushed, “Like an angel, don’t you agree, Sannie?”

San reached out to tame a non-existent stay hair on Yeosang’s head. “What do you mean; he had always been an angel.”

Hongjoong didn’t know if the boy was blushing because of the flattery or how both attention was on him.

“He is gonna steal your show.” Wooyoung turned around and wiggled his eyebrows at Hongjoong.

He scoffed, “you are just smitten with him.” Wooyoung sputtered and that was definitely his ears reddening. Dumb kid. Who else would be as transparent as him?

San and Yeosang busted a laugh and Hongjoong followed, adding to the boy’s misery. He was so flustered it was so fun to tease him.

“God, you are a hopeless case,” Hongjoong took Yeosang’s hand, “Let’s go, the interview about to start.”

“We are really grateful to have you here with us on set.” Hongjoong smiled back at the interviewer. A blonde young girl facing him with her straight back and a very much straighter smile. “Fans have been anticipating this interview for a while, please say hi to them.”

The cameraman zoomed on him and he relaxed his shoulders, a genuine smile on his face, “Hey, this is Kim Hongjoong, glad to be back to your show, been a while.”

The interview sailed smoothly; Hongjoong fell back into a familiar rhythm with answering scripted questions. The interviewer was more than professional with him. Sometimes he would receive dubious questions and sometimes they tried to lure him in shady conversations for headlines and clout.

It was fun for the most part, though he knew this industry wouldn’t go long without being shady. He still blasted a smile he mastered even when uncomfortable. “So tell us, fan drilled me to ask you this question,” Hongjoong motioned for her to continue.

“They think you have been absent from… the _scene,_ you know, for a long extended while I would say,” she kept an indifferent look on her face, “they are mostly missing you, but they also are wondering, if perhaps you got bored, busy, or found _someone._ ”

Hongjoong expected this actually, one way or another people would start wondering and getting suspicious, eventually questioning his sudden disappearance too. He chuckled lightly, tried not to give an attitude.

“Do I?” he teased and the interviewer laughed back. 

“Who knows? You are very mysterious.” She hummed.

“Actually, the last scene you put, it raised the question,” she tried approaching playfully; “someone grabbed your attention.”

Hongjoong made the mistake of giving a quick glance to the camera. He quickly laughed it off, nervousness drifting slowly underneath his skin; he subtly interlaced his fingers together to stop them from fiddling with anything, or worse, trembling if this girl didn’t drop the subject soon.

“How could it be possible? It was a casual occurrence, shouldn’t have been a topic to stress on.” Fucking drop it.

The interviewer pouted, as if she had lost her chance for a trendy article. A _scandal_. “Too bad, we truly believed someone snatched you off the market.” She smirked. She wouldn’t leave it now, would she?

“I’m not easily snatched, everyone knows that.” He finalized it with a smirk and leaned back on the chair cockily. “Everything is just a fun play to pass time for me.”

Hongjoong felt sick, grossed out of himself. 

Deep down, Hongjoong prayed to whoever god existing that Seonghwa wouldn’t watch this shitty interview when it airs tomorrow, that he wouldn’t hear this fake bullcrap he just spewed to protect himself. 

Wouldn’t hear how he had just shrugged his whole existence on a viral Tv show.

Like what they had, meant nothing, whatever that was between them. 

Like, _he_ meant nothing.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **For clarifications, the interview will be aired after the Fall gala.**
> 
> I really took long with this update. I struggled with this chapter for closely two months, I can’t believe it’s finally out lmao I gave up on it, I don’t think any amount of fixing will make me satisfied with it lmao so I just said ‘fuck it’ and posted it.  
> The worst writer block ever!
> 
> I just wanted to finish it because y’know, the good stuff start next chapter! Omfg! I can’t believe it took 7 chaps to reach this point 😭 definitely unplanned extension. 
> 
> Also tune in my winter oneshot in dec1 :3 you will have a nice 20k Seongjoong/Yunsan story ~
> 
> Anyways! Leave me some comments~ and tell me what you feel about the story so far, and about Seonghwa finally appearing in the story next update !! Omg I’m buzzing with excitement!~
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @RRedikon or my nsfw acc @RRedAllo <33 you are welcome to yell with me there about anything :3


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